Welcome to another edition of wisdom weekly, here we work tirelessly to bring you content, that will make you think about certain things differently. This segment of Let’s Talk Nation was launched, to bring you in contact with wise people from around the globe. One person I have taken a liking to is the amazing Jay Shetty. I shared a video from his youtube content about two weeks ago, titled it’s never too late, today I get to share another incredible piece from his archive titled; Whatever your relationship status is, watch this!
The video touches on the issue of lack of commitment in relationships. Relationships these days have become something like an enigma. Humans have made something that was so simple, so complicated that when two people meet, everyone puts on their best behavior, so as not to scare the other person away. We now live in a culture where people want to get the milk for free without purchasing the cow so to speak.
Men like children, test women to see how much they can get away with, without any real commitment. They give you signs here and there, and you are left wondering what exactly the guy wants from you. Does he want a relationship? Does he want to be friends? Does he want to take things to the next level (whatever that means)? I am a firm believer of whatever you want from the other person, let them know.
If you want a possible relationship to come out of this, let them know (even if it ends up not working out), If you feel that this other person could be a great friend and a person of value to your life, then treat the conversations as such, let the person know. If you wish to be friends with benefits, let them know as well from the beginning, so that way everyone is on the same page and no one has unrealistic expectations of the other party. I guess what I am trying to say here is that people need to be honest, there is no need to play games.
Jay shares that we are a generation that doesn't really want a relationship, we all want the benefits of a relationship but are not willing to put in the time and work that comes with building something sustainable that will possibly last a lifetime. "We swipe left, in hopes of finding the right one." He goes ahead to say "We forego chances of having a real connection, by mutually playing games with no winner, and the only thing we end up winning is most likely to be alone."
Jay was preaching in this video! People these days are just looking for others to warm their bed, they're looking for people who will feed or massage their egos, and make them feel good about their insecure selves. No one wants to make a real connection; no one wants to have real conversations. Everyone wants to control the situation, so they don't get hurt. People are playing games that they don't even know where it generated from. No one wants to define anything; they want to go with the flow and see how things go. No, it is not supposed to be so. To get something real, you have to be intentional about it, nothing good comes with ease. You have to work at it, just like anything in life.
This reminds me of an episode of Friends (gosh, I love that show), Ross was dating a girl for a couple of months, and it was around Christmas time in this particular episode. They had gone to take some pictures together, and the girl felt like the photos could be used in a Christmas card from both of them to their loved ones. Now anyone who watches this show knows how messed up Ross is when it comes to relationships and commitment.
He had two failed marriages at this time and was having a hard time committing to something tangible. So when she brought it up, although he didn't voice his concerns to her directly, he confided in his friends (no pun intended). Of course, they had to tease him by congratulating him on his new "marriage," before listening to what he had to say. He felt it was too soon to start sending Christmas cards out. He wanted to take things slow, and not rush into anything.
When his girlfriend wanted to have a real conversation with him, by asking him where their relationship was heading, he tried to avoid the discussion at all costs and eventually handed the girl a key to his apartment, to make her feel like the relationship was serious and was heading somewhere.
“We want everything that will give us the illusion of a relationship without an actual relationship.” Jay Shetty
That episode was one of the hilarious episodes of friends that I have watched; it got me thinking about how some guys will go to any length, to avoid having a serious conversation with their partners about the future of their relationship. Isn't it just easier to let the girl know that, this is probably not heading anywhere and end it before things go too far? If a girl wants to know where things are heading in a relationship, there might be a chance that intentional conversations about the future of the relationship is not being communicated.
To add salt to injury, physical intimacy might be present in the relationship which has no future. I hope that everyone should save themselves not just for marriage, but for God. But I know that it is impossible because not everyone shares my belief system, but before you jump into bed with the next person, take a step back and study that person and also your circumstance. No one should be getting the benefits of a relationship, without being committed to it.
Jay goes ahead to conclude that this generation doesn't want a relationship, but friends with benefits. This is so true; someone told me this recently well not in those exact words. He implied that he wanted a friend who could also be a lover (haha), I'm like you are looking for a friend with benefits, and it is not going to work out, because someone always ends up getting hurt. Nothing good comes out of it. But at the same time, I applaud him for his honesty, although he will not find that with me, he saved me the hassle of trying to figure out what he wanted from me. Now we can both move on, to find what we want elsewhere.
Ross & his girlfriend from the show friends
Enjoy the video below; I hope people grow out of this immaturity mindset when it comes to relationships. Relationships, if done right can be the most beautiful thing you can get out of life (well apart from knowing God, haha). You can follow Jay Shetty on Instagram (@jayshetty) and on Facebook as well as youtube to keep up with his work.
Jay Shetty's Youtube account
Let me know what your thoughts are on this issue as usual. How can we make adjustments so we don't get stuck in a rot? remember to like, share and subscribe. xoxo