I was just having a conversation with my fiancée, and I asked her if she thought I was “the one.” I have never asked her this before. Anyways, I have been trying to write on this topic for about two weeks and have been experiencing some serious writer’s block, but her response really opened up a chest of possibilities for me. One moment I did not know how to possibly write about such a riveting and popular topic another moment I was juggling the multitude of directions I could take such a monstrosity of a discussion.
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Background Story
So, the Chief Lady, Head, Oga (Boss) of Let’s Talk Nation, my friend, my sister, Evi, posted a question to her followers and friends on Facebook asking— “Do you believe in the concept of ‘THE ONE’ as it pertains to relationships?” I am a huge fan of her platform, and I have been following her blog for a while now. She has posted plenty Facebook questions inciting some of the most intriguing perspectives, opinions, and debates on various topics. Not once have I ever responded until I saw this one question. I think she got me with all caps, “THE ONE.’”
I went ahead and wrote down an epistle. I do that sometimes. Perhaps, all the time. I see a post on Facebook that I believe I have some kind of compelling take to, I see the various responses, and I react from a place of passion and what I think is clarity and certainty. And I definitely want to outdo the previous takes. I mean why would you want to repeat something someone else already said. And so it begins, and I think most of us can relate with what happens next.
You have been this person at least once in your life. Don’t lie! You begin to write your take, but for every point you make, you can think of various counterpoints because you are smart and are also actively trying to account for any foolishness, stupidity, and holes in your points. You then try to account for all counterpoints but also don’t want to end up writing a thesis on someone’s post. Those can be quite overwhelming. Mid-way through you end up asking yourself— who would even care even to read all of this?
At this point, there are two kinds of people. Stubborn people and considerate people. Considerate people delete their thesis and move on with their lives and end up sparing us all. Stubborn people are committed to their cause and must now impose their opinion on us. I am NOT a considerate person. Anyways, moving on, you hit send. You feel all proud with yourself. You wait for the likes, laughs, hearts, and accolades. Some of you might even think to yourself— “Best-selling Author in the making.” Then you end up with just one heart from a sympathetic friend and no accolades. And you check back two weeks later. Still, just ONE heart.
So…do you believe in “the one”? And I am not talking about Neo in the Matrix.
This topic makes for interesting conversations that typically branches off into tangents of multiple hypotheticals and possibilities. When given a lot of thought, there isn’t an ascertainable right or wrong. As my guy often says— “all na perspective.” I researched the topic, though. Everything written on “the one” is opinion.
Even the articles written by Ph.D. holders and Psychologists were all opinion and extremely speculative. With some more persuasive than others. Others are more nuanced than some. But still, opinion nonetheless. I even took a delightful skim through my favorite book, the Bible and yielded no ascertainable, pint-point reference. At this very moment, I can sense all the bible scholars opening their Bibles. Go ahead. By the way, Isaac and Rebekah, Boaz and Ruth do not count. Remember, I said “ascertainable, pint-point reference.”
Moving Along
“To believe in the mere existence of something is no admission of said things’ usefulness, benefit, or detriment.” - Who said that?
Tade Bolarin
Yes. I quoted myself. You should try it too.
I digress. So let’s dispel all notions that suggest that if we believe something exists we must also somehow justify or rationalize its usefulness, benefit, or effectiveness in our everyday lives for every person. That’s a tall order, and I’m not doing it! We will not be discussing whether or not it is foolish or not to believe in “the one.”
For example, I know how a glass or two of Hennessy VSOP Privilege makes me feel. To me, it’s the perfect drink for a great time, great people, and great conversations. Now, my fiancée would most likely disagree. More often than not, she’s asleep after a glass with a morning headache to sweeten the deal. You see, one thing her and I can unequivocally agree on is that Hennessy VSOP Privilege exists. I mean, we bought it and drank it together. Its existence is simply undeniable even though its effects differed for both of us.
This becomes a lot harder with intangible notions like “the one,” notions of things you cannot touch or grasp. Something that has no physical presence. The concept of “the one” is very much both intuitive and subjective. So I decided to embrace the subjectivity of the matter and sent out text messages to family, friends, colleagues from different ethnicities, races, stages in life, socio-economic upbringings, and backgrounds in general, and I asked them all this specific question:
“Do you believe in the concept of “the one,” why or why not?”
“This time, Tade,” I told myself, “listen!