Talking is just not my thing, some say, "I love you, I provide for you, what else do you want from me? Some might ask. "I've told you all there is to know about me, what else do you want to discover? Hmmm...The list is endless as to why people fail to communicate effectively in relationships, especially the men. It could range from anything between societal conditioning to just plain ole' bad behavior. Women deal with partners who go days on end without speaking with them, and the action of the men begs the question; are you sure this relationship exists?
The lack of communication is one of the key things that lead to the breakdown of romantic relationships. People leave their partners to dream up scenarios in their minds as to why something is happening the way it is in their relationship, when all they can do to resolve the issue at hand, is to sit and talk about it.
If you have been on this planet for quite a number of years now and you have dabbled into the dating world, then you might have a clue of what we are speaking about today; men and lack of communication! If you have not had this problem, then I need to come and sit at your feet and glean some wisdom from you. But for us young women, in our dating years, we have experienced this strange phenomenon, which young men have put us through, that is their inability to have an open and honest conversation with their significant other.
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Okay, the relationship usually kicks off like this; girl meets guy, and they are both excited about the possibilities of what could be. In the wooing period, the guy spends all his time, pulling out all the stops, treating the girl like she is the only thing in the world. He calls her, texts her, stalks her online, sends her flowers, and sweet nothings just to brighten up her day. The girl now falls hook, line, and sinker, and then the guy is like—aight, my job here is done, I’m out! I mean he doesn’t say those words verbatim, but his actions clearly communicates louder than his mouth can.
Why do some men get lazy to put in the work? Are women not deserving? If I am being totally honest, this is what scares me from relationships, I have the fear that when I meet a guy, everything will play out great until it doesn’t. And I hate being in a space of—shoulda, woulda, coulda. Should I have said this? Would he have responded differently? Could I have acted a certain way? And those thoughts drive me nuts!! For a relationship to thrive, it needs clear-cut communication, regardless of if what you are saying is what I need to hear or not, at least I know what is on your heart.
“Communication is to a relationship, as food is to a body.”
Think about it, your body can go a couple of days with little or no food, the longer you starve your body the weaker it gets, and wouldn’t be able to effectively carry out its other responsibilities. If you push it a lot harder, you will begin to have medical issues, which include undernourishment. And if someone flats out starves for an extended period of time, the person dies from starvation. Same thing in a relationship; if you are not communicating, if it has only been a few days, because of life or whatever issues you guys might encounter, then the relationship might be able to take that hit. But if pushed for an extended period of time, the relationship will not survive until proper work is done to resuscitate it.
I personally thrive on communication, I mean that shouldn’t be a surprise to you guys, because, hello!—Let’s Talk Nation! I love talking, learning about people, and exploring their minds. And I want them to do the same for me as well. As a writer, words matter a lot to me; it is no wonder words of affirmation is my love language. So I can’t be in a relationship with someone who can’t talk, it would not work. Who remembers Mr. Almost Perfect? Words were how he got me, and lack of words was how he lost me.
3 Ways men Can Develop the Skill of Communicating Effectively in Relationships
1) Discover the purpose of relationships: if you want anything to succeed, you have to know why you want it to succeed, to begin with. I think men; young men should put in the work to learn about relationships, what they want out of it, what they like, and what they can’t stand. It is imperative that they learn about the essence of relationships, and why they want to be in one, in the first place.
Relationships have a purpose, and if the reason for you to be in one is just that you feel like it’s time, and at a certain age you should be in one, then please; think again! Women, enlightened women, have put in the work, learned from experiences, and have chosen to do better. Please don’t make their job difficult. You might be a nice guy no doubt, but are you ready or even mature enough emotionally to commit yourself to another human, flaws and all? Think about it!
When the purpose of a thing is discovered, people will work hard to ensure that they do not lose that thing because it becomes valuable to them. Hence, if a man values a relationship, he will do everything to ensure that it flourishes.
2) Be Open and Honest: if you are struggling in the area of effective communication, do not leave your partner in the dark. Let her know that this is not your strongest suit and you are willing to work at it. Then she will be there to support you during the process and your relationship will thank you for it.
3) Be Intentional: if you want your relationship to thrive, you have to be intentional about it. Since you lack skills in the area of communication, you have to work overtime to ensure that you make up for the losses. Set time aside when you and your partner can just talk. Put away the cellphones, turn the TV off, and have conversations. You can begin by asking the other person how their day was, and then listen intently to their response, and then ask a follow-up question and carry-on from there. If you do this often, you will begin to notice a shift in your relationship. Women thrive on communication and when you pay them close attention by talking to them, you are saying; I care deeply for you and value your opinion.
So what do you guys think? Leave your comments below and also remember to share and subscribe never to miss an update.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is also a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations with one goal in mind; to redefine status quo.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.