Updated: Mar 7
So I was having a water cooler conversation with some of my co-workers the other day and one of them asked a pressing question: when is the right time to have the conversation?
We all looked at her to expound more on what she was trying to convey, and she goes: I am in a situationship with this guy that I really like and I want to have the conversation about what are we doing, but I am also scared of the outcome.
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In the beginning! I said back to her, you have to define what you are looking for (regardless of who the other person is) especially when conversations take a shift from merely platonic to something more intimate.
Why is having that conversation from the get-go darn difficult?
There are a lot of factors that might come into play that stops you from having a matured conversation with someone of the opposite sex who you are catching feelings for.
Immaturity: it has been hounded into women, young women over the years that men are meant to be the aggressors when it comes to this thing called love. Even the bible says for husbands to love their wives and for wives to be submissive. Why I absolutely have no qualms with that, the same way emphasis was laid for us to sit back and relax, should have been the same way emphasis was laid for us to be able to communicate what we want. This way of doing things has caused men to play with the feelings and emotions of women.
Since they know most women wait for them to define the relationship, state their feelings and lead the relationship, they take their time playing around because they have the mentality of—I can do whatever I want and get away with it.
Women, young girls, do not be afraid to communicate your expectations about a relationship from the beginning. Don’t wait around for a guy to tell you what you guys are doing. I mean you already know. You already know that the relationship you both have isn’t the commitment you are looking for, you know he doesn’t talk to you as much as anyone in a committed relationship would do. You know that if things changed, you would be happier and feel more confident in what you have.
You don’t need him to tell you all that; you already know! So if you don’t like the knowledge you have, address it and move on. (Some of the people you are in a situationship with don’t even need addressing, just quit them cold turkey.)
The second point I am going to raise is on the issue of identity. Not knowing who you are! I struggled with this over the years I was in dating relationships. Because I did not know who I was, I could not command the kind of respect I deserved. Now if you don’t know who you are, the world would give you a definition. Knowing your identity gives you a kind of confidence, that you never thought possible. When you know who you are (especially in Christ), you would not take crap from anyone, you will ask for what you want.
Fear is also a big one! You might feel that if you ask the dreaded question, then you would miss out on the love of your life! I remember when one guy I used to talk to always said to me—you are being stubborn and your stubbornness will make you miss out on what could be the best relationship you ever experienced. Uncle, please take several seats, if you are not willing to be committed, I am not interested in a ‘relationship’ with you.
Darlings, there are about seven billion people on the planet; I don’t know how many men there are out of that number. But I have always heard that there are more men than women. So if this particular guy doesn’t cut it, my dear there are so many others who will.
The final point for this article has to do with self-love. If you don’t love yourself, you wouldn’t value yourself. Love yourself first, so you can see clearly. Because I love myself, I wouldn’t entertain certain groups of people I know that aren’t adding value to my life. With self-love, you begin to pick and choose who you wish to spend your time with. And if that guy only whispers sweet nothings to you and offers no substance, it might be time to take a walk.
Someone said in that conversation we were having that those who get themselves entangled in situationships, don’t like hearing the truth. That statement rang true with me because I remember the days when no one could tell me anything about the guys I was involved with, while I hoped for whatever we had to become full-blown relationships.
There is no rush in this life; take your time, grow, evolve, develop, discover your purpose, travel, and explore this planet and all it has to offer. Become the best version of yourself, so you can be around the right kind of people, who will give you what you need.
"When you have the conversation from the start, it doesn't make you seem desperate; it only shows that you know what you want and are intentional about it."
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.