Written by Evi Idoghor
Finally, the New Year is in full swing; the excitement of 2021 is still in the air. Everything seems nice and rosy, but there is this one dreadful little month called February, which happens to be right around the corner from January. Dreadful because you'd soon realize-crap! I am single and about to be tortured with pictures of people seemingly in love all month!
Travel companies have started advertising their romantic vacation packages. Bakers like my sister, are already anticipating all the orders they will receive from lovers and would-be lovers! Very soon just like Christmas decorations, stores will begin to adorn their shops with the preferred color of love—red!
If you are someone who is easily swayed by all of this stuff, you might be tempted to go back to a situation that isn’t right for you or remain in one that you have no business being in. Most single (and even married) people possess addictive tendencies when it comes to this thing called love. They hate being alone and society doesn’t make it easy for them either to accept what season of life they are in; with countless questions like when are you going to get married? Any person yet? Or where is Mr. Right?
Such questions can lead people to continue in behaviors that aren’t healthy, like entering into a relationship just because they crave Attention. Women love attention; we thrive on it. And if we are not careful, we begin to crave the high we get off it and all of a sudden can no longer do without it. Then we seek it out from people we should have no business communicating with.
The days they reach out to us and pay us attention, we are full of so much glee! Nothing seems to be wrong with the planet. Every bed is endowed with roses. Then the next day reality hits and our lover is nowhere to be found with our favorite drug of choice, we lose it! Snapping at everyone we come across, and being depressed. Please, general public, if you catch us on days like these, we are not on our period; we are simply just suffering from some withdrawals.
But on a more serious note, that is no healthy way to live. You can’t base your joy/happiness on somebody else; you should be responsible for that. If someone is in your life right now playing such games with you; then you have to break free! Let Jesus fulfill you and bless you with the kind of love you need.
Validation—validation becomes problematic for those who are insecure. Those who don’t know their identity, those who don’t know who God created them to be. And as such, they tend to remain in toxic situations because they believe that no one else would accept them. Their reasoning is usually—At least this person I’m with, on their good days they treat me right and I don’t feel like it can get any better than this. All relationships have issues, no one is perfect.
Sis, if you don’t know better, you wouldn’t expect better. Surround yourself with people who want to see you thrive and they will reveal to you that such a relationship isn’t right, as the only validation you need should come from God.
Security—a lot of women fall prey to this one! This guy has so much money, even if he is a douche bag, I can manage him because with him, I don’t have to worry about finances. He takes care of my every need. Some even date married men because of security.
But what happens when the resources run dry? What do you do then? Do not let anyone control you with money. God has uniquely gifted every individual with talents. It is now up to you to discover those gifts and make a life for yourself. No matter how small. I’d rather live a humble life and be happy than live lavishly and be miserable.
Companionship—this was why I remained in toxic relationships for many years because I hated being single. I found myself in a toxic relationship after a toxic relationship, seeking validation and attention that really, only God could give me. I endured emotional and verbal abuse in exchange for companionship. It was only by the grace of God I was able to break free.
Don’t get me wrong; all these points listed here are not bad, however, they become problematic when you don't take other factors into consideration (like a person's values) when choosing a partner.
So, instead of returning to a bad relationship or remaining in a toxic one, just because you want to have someone to call your beau in the month of love, how about you take this time out to work on yourself. I would say being single for six years now, is one of the best decisions I've made. I have become mature, and now know what I want.
Although not entirely intentional, however, in the beginning stages, I felt led to spend more time with God, discovering myself, rather than chasing after a relationship. Now, I can comfortably say I am ready for a healthy relationship that would last.
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