Written by Evi Idoghor
While dating or getting to know someone, you may notice some warning signs. Such indicators can range from not aligning with one's values to being downright dangerous. When you meet someone you like, it's easy to believe that person is perfect and can't hurt a fly. This is because everyone puts their best foot forward.
They perfectly answer all your questions, and as a result, you are smitten by them and the prospect of what they might be able to offer you. If they don't have genuine intentions towards you, you may notice cracks in your communication after a few days or weeks, and your eyes may open to the fact that said person is not who you really made them out to be in your head.
When I hear of a relationship breaking up or in turmoil for reasons such as cheating or abuse, I always wonder if the person who was hurt didn't notice any signs of misbehavior. I believe that the signs are always present from the start. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to ignore them until we self-destruct. Nevertheless, if you pay close attention to what a person says and how they act, you will discover what the person is all about.
I see it all the time, and I've done it myself: a man may express to a woman that he isn't ready for a serious relationship and simply wants to hang out with her. The woman might interpret that information as follows: since he likes me and wants to hang out with me (because there are surely many fishes in the sea who could have the honor of hanging out with him, but he chose me), let's see where this goes. Hopefully, it will lead to a relationship someday.
If you think like this, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. So, what are some of the red flags to look out for during the getting-to-know-you process? See the list below:
1) He only texts you: One day, I was watching a talk show where a woman asked, "How can I get men to stop texting and start calling me?" The solution was straightforward: stop responding to their texts. A man will only treat you in the manner in which you allow him to; if you appear to have no standards, and if he has no pure intentions towards you, he will not uphold your standards, because they are non-existent. He would make little or no effort to communicate with you because he knows that whatever little thing he does will catch your attention.
2) He treats others with disrespect: I once dated a young man who was rude to women. On the phone, he raised his voice at them and was harsh with his words. I knew deep down that it wouldn't be long before he started doing that to me, and I wasn't wrong. When you meet someone, you should also observe how they treat others. If they are rude to their friends, colleagues, and those who serve them, it is a sign that they lack respect for people.
3) He only wants to hang out with you in the house: I can't tell you how many times I've fallen into this trap, where they take you out on one "date" and that's it. After that, he wants you to come over to his house all the time, or he may want to come over to your house at odd hours. If a man exhibits such tendencies, he is most likely looking for sex.
4) He has wandering eyes: If your partner or potential partner lacks self-control, he will struggle to be in a committed relationship with you. I believe the root of such problems is a lack of devotion to Christ. If he looks at women lustfully, it is best to leave him alone - it will save you from unnecessary heartbreak. A man who is interested in you should be able to concentrate solely on you. This type of devotion/discipline begins long before you meet.
5) He isolates you from friends and family: Some women may conflate love with a man's insatiable desire to be alone with them. However, when it comes to relationships, isolation is a dangerous territory that no one should enter. When someone succeeds in isolating you, all manner of atrocities begin to unfold. And because you've pushed everyone else away, you wouldn't want to share your pain with them. Be wary of such characteristics in people; anyone who wants to be in a healthy, long-term relationship with you will want to become a part of your friends and family.
6) He doesn’t have a relationship with God: As a Christian, I want to be with someone who believes in the same God that I do. I don't want to have to persuade you to go to church on a regular basis or that God exists. I don't want us to be divided about how to raise our children, and I don't want someone who will lead me away from Christ - it's simply not worth it.
Sometimes the warning signs we see in dating are issues that need to be addressed before we decide to pursue a relationship. So, take your time, evaluate what you're experiencing, and learn to process your thoughts with the right people because there is safety in doing so.
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For Further Reading
Managing Expectations in Situationships
10 Lessons I Learned from my Failed Relationship
Twists and Thorns 1: The Back Story
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