Finally, the New Year is in full swing; the excitement of 2020 is still in the air. Everything seems nice and rosy, but there is this one dreadful little month called February, which happens to be right around the corner from January. Dreadful because you'd soon realize-crap! I am single and about to be tortured with pictures of people seemingly in love all month!
Image courtesy of Unsplash
Travel companies have started advertising their romantic vacation packages. Bakers like my sister, are already anticipating all the orders they will receive from lovers and would-be lovers! Very soon just like Christmas decorations, stores will begin to adorn their shops with the preferred color of love—red!
If you are someone who is easily swayed by all of this stuff, you might be tempted to go back to a situation that isn’t right for you or remain in circumstances that you have no business being in. Most single (and even married) people possess addictive tendencies when it comes to this thing called love. They hate being alone and society doesn’t make it easy for them either to accept what season of life they are in; with countless questions like when are you going to get married? Any person yet? Or where is Mr/Mrs. (insert your last name here)?
Such questions can lead people to continue in behaviors that aren’t healthy, like fully immersing themselves with certain drugs that are associated with the name of love, such as the drug of Attention.
Now listen closely I will be speaking mostly from a woman’s perspective. Women love attention, we thrive on it. And if we are not careful, we begin to crave the high we get off this drug and all of a sudden can no longer do without it. Then we seek it out from people we should have no business communicating with.
The days they reach out to us and pay us attention, we are full of so much glee! Nothing seems to be wrong with the planet. Every bed is endowed with roses. Then the next day reality hits and our lover is nowhere to be found with our favorite drug of choice, we lose it! Snapping at everyone we come across, and being depressed. Please, general public, if you catch us on days like these, we are not on our period; we are simply just suffering from some withdrawals.
But on a more serious note, that is no healthy way to live. You can’t base your joy/happiness on somebody else; you should be responsible for that. If someone is in your life right now, playing such games with you; then honey child you have to break free! This New Year we can’t still be dealing with the games men (or women) play. Let Jesus fulfill you and bless you with the kind of love you need.
Validation—our second drug of choice is validation. This particular drug is a problem for those who are insecure. Those who don’t know their identity, those who don’t know who God created them to be. And as such, they tend to remain in toxic situations because they believe that no one else would accept them. Their reasoning is usually--At least this person I’m with, on their good days they treat me right and I don’t feel like it can get any better than this. All relationships have issues, no one is perfect.
Sis, bro; if you don’t know better, you wouldn’t expect better, surround yourself with people who want to see you thrive and they will reveal to you that such a relationship isn’t right, as the only validation you need, should come from God.
Security—a lot of women fall prey to this one! This guy has so much money, even if he is a douche bag, I can manage him because with him, I don’t have to worry about finances. He takes care of my every need. Some even date married men because of this drug.
But what happens when the resources run dry? What do you do then? Do not let anyone control you with money. God has uniquely gifted every individual with talents. It is now up to you to discover the gifts you have and make a life for yourself. No matter how small. I’d rather live a humble life and be happy than live lavishly and be miserable.
Companionship—this was my drug of choice for many years! Because I hated being single. I found myself in a toxic relationship after a toxic relationship, seeking validation and attention that really, only God could give me. I endured emotional and verbal abuse in exchange for this drug. It was only by the grace of God I was able to break free.
Don’t get me wrong; all these points listed here are not bad. They only become a problem when they are abused (just like any medication). Everyone should have a healthy dose of these in a good relationship. No bad relationship is worth your sanity.
Just as physical drugs have the ability to destroy a person, physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually; these things we seek from people, especially the toxic ones also have a tendency to do so.
Rather than go back to a bad relationship or remain in a toxic situation, because you just want to have someone to call your partner in the month of love, my dear, take this time out to work on yourself.
I would say being single and healthy for five years now, is one of the best decisions God made on my behalf. I say God because; I didn’t want to be alone. As soon as I broke free from my last relationship, I wanted to be in one again and God said no my child, how about you walk with me this time around? And I can say that was the best decision I have ever made to date!
Article published in February 2020.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.