I love watching Talk Shows; I can watch interviews for days. I love hearing people’s different opinions on different issues. Someone recently referred to me as Christian Amanpour (The famous CNN anchor), which was a compliment if you ask me (haha). One of my dreams is to become a contributor on one of these shows or at least a News website.
Becca Tapert- unsplash.com
I was watching a talk show one day, and a viewer called in, asking if it was wrong to keep a secret account away from your partner. They live together but are not married. They also have a joint account where they keep their finances, but she opened separate savings account that he doesn't know about. The talk show hosts answered her question, some of them were of the opinion that it was okay for a woman to have her "own," while others were of the opinion that they don't like the idea of keeping secrets from a partner. What surprised me was that no one addressed the fact that she and her partner weren't married. I was thinking why do they have a joint account, and they are only dating? This now brought me today's topic, cohabitation.
Cohabitation is the state of living together and having a sexual relationship without being married according to Google dictionary. In most cases, finances are shared, as well as bills and responsibilities around the home, just like married couples do. Young people, these days are increasingly shying away from the idea of marriage. People already plan the divorce before the wedding happens. Some come up with all sorts of contracts to protect themselves and their assets which is selfish if you ask me, while others don't see marriage as a lifetime commitment. In other to avoid all the wahala that may come with a possible divorce, people have decided to stay away from the institution of marriage altogether. People have become selfish and don't want to share their possessions with someone else; they are afraid that if a divorce happens, their partner may cart away with 50% of their stuff. I hear things like, “marriage is just a piece of paper” or “marriage is a trap, created by some religious bodies” or “why do I need a contract to prove my love for you?”
Although not ignorant to the issues that arise in marriage (what relationship doesn't have problems?) I believe it is essential for commitment to be made when you choose to be with someone for the rest of your life.
The Grey Areas
How many people will you live with, until you find the one?
How are the responsibilities shared when you are cohabiting?
Do you have to declare to your partner every account you may have, as that viewer who called into the show to find out?
Is your partner responsible for taking care of you?
Can you spend nights away from home?
If the relationship ends, who gets what?
Joshua Coleman- unsplash.com
It is not as stable as marriage: Marriage gives you stability; you are protected by the law once married, so much so that the odds are stacked in your favor if your partner commits adultery. In cohabitation, if your partner cheats on you, you can't go to the court of law, to fight for your rights, say if the relationship ends because of that. On what grounds do you want to fight that battle? You guys were never married. You and your partner can do whatever you want because that commitment isn't there.
It is not a permanent relationship: According to hubpages.com, it is often short-lived, and it is often short-term when compared to its “counterpart” (marriage) which is a long-lasting and a durable relationship due to strong commitment, based on a legal and religious backing.
Uncertainty: According to hubpages.com, people who cohabit can’t enjoy their life emotionally and sexually as they are not sure about their future. This is so true because deep down, especially for women, we want that commitment and can never indeed be ourselves if we are not sure of where things are headed.
What does the good book say about cohabitation?
Although there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating and relationships in the bible, we know that we shouldn’t have sex before marriage. I remember when Jesus met the woman at the well (John 4:4-42), she had already gone through 5 marriages and the man she was living with at the time when she met Christ, wasn’t her husband. From the statement Jesus made to her, we can conclude that as believers that we are not supposed to live with our boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage. This is how the story goes, Jesus was well on His way to a particular destination, when He told His disciples that He needed to pass through Samaria. On getting there, He was famished and needed a drink of water. He sat down by Joseph's well and asked a woman who came to draw water, to give Him some to drink. She was in shock; she wondered how a Jew, could request a favor from Samaritan? At the time, the Jews and the Samaritan people didn't interact. They went through the whole back and forth of give me water, why should I provide you with water and so on. Jesus then went ahead to tell her, that if she knew who she was speaking to, she would ask Him to give her living water instead. When she got interested, He told her to grab her husband. She revealed to Him that she didn't have one. To which He replied, "You are correct, You have had five husbands, and the man you are living with right now isn't even your husband. "
From this short exchange between Jesus and the woman, we can deduce that it isn’t right for two people of the opposite sex who aren’t married to live together (who are dating). Living together especially as believers and those who want to get married one day; becomes a breeding ground for sexual sin to happen quickly. Both parties become complacent and comfortable. No one is motivated to take things to the next level. You guys get stuck in a rot, and may not see a way out. You begin to doubt if marriage is important, you may sink into the thinking that it is just a piece of paper. This is one of the many lies of the enemy. Marriage was created by God (between a man and a woman) for the enjoyment of humanity. With marriage come stability, children, and legacy and so on. It was never God’s plan for cohabitation, it is His plan for people to do things the right way. And when you get married, you obtain favor from the Lord.
PS: Studies have shown that married people have better sex than cohabiters! Who doesn’t want that? I know I do!
So is cohabitation for you, Yay or Nah? Which one do you prefer? Live in lover or Marriage? You choose! Let’s Talk About it!
I hope you enjoyed this topic, let me know your thoughts below as always and don't forget to subscribe.