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Focus on who you were created to be

Let’s face it, social media is here, and it is here to stay. This exceptional platform has also given people a voice to air the opinions or just invite you into what their day-to-day life looks like. Because of the freedom that is social media, it has also given people the room to spread false narratives. Now I was exploring my Explore page on Instagram the other day, when I came across a video, with the caption: Ladies, men DON’T CARE, about your job or money.

Image courtesy of Pexels

Blown away by the statement, I decided to give the video a listen, to see what it was all about. The person giving this “wisdom” to women, was a man by the way, he was of the opinion that when it came to attraction, men didn’t care about your job, career or ambition, they cared way more about the way you looked, second place, was personality (if at all) and third place, if they were religious was spirituality (okay!)

He went on to say that he was on tour, with a famous relationship coach around the US, and the questions they kept getting time and time and again from women was—I am successful, I have my own place, drive a nice car, and have money, but how come I am not attracting men?

My question to their question is, do you just want to attract anyone, or the right one? Anyways let’s continue without me itching to interject.

So he came to the conclusion that, in the “sexual” marketplace, (didn’t know there was something like that) when it came to attracting the opposite sex, those things didn’t matter. That is why we see successful men, possibly billionaires going after younger women in their 20s, (mostly models) who still lived at home with their parents or shared an apartment with five other people.

Related Article: It will take more than your looks

This guy still went ahead to say that if we evaluated women, who were CEO’s, leaders in top companies, doctors, actresses and so forth, the ones who weren’t pretty, but average looking, how many of them can we say are in a relationship? So do what makes you more attractive; if that meant working out, eating right or tapping into your femininity, because your job, career, or ambition was just for you. Successful men, don’t think about how you both will merge your finances, all they think about is how they can take care of the household, irrespective of what you bring to the table.

Dear young man, here are some points for you to consider:

First off, we need to quit with all these--girls follow guys just because of their money & guy follow girls just for their looks saying looks alone was all you needed to land the man of your dreams is a false narrative, and also the people who think that their job, career or ambition should make them more attractive to the opposite sex, is also a wrong mindset to have. You shouldn’t be doing anything, to begin with, to attract anyone (male or female). We all were created for a purpose, and our goal should be to accomplish that purpose, irrespective of if we attract someone in the process or not.

Looks may get him, but it wouldn’t keep him

I am not against women taking care of themselves or dressing up to look great! Heck, I’m a woman, and I love to look good! But if that were all you focused on, there wouldn’t be anything other than the physical to bind you guys. And guess what? If you are interested in a life-time commitment, sex is only a small fraction of your day-to-day lives together. It will take commitment, intentionality, contentment, faithfulness, love, and so many other great characteristics to keep your relationship. Looks? That goes out the window; after all, we are all aging. Ever heard this scripture—beauty is fleeting and charm is deceitful, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised?

What if Mr. Successful, all of a sudden, loses his fortune?

This doesn’t only happen in the movies; it happens in real life. Wouldn’t it be nice, for you guys to be able to fall back on her career? I know of a couple, where the man worked for a big company and was doing great. His wife also worked a 9-5 and ran a small business. He retired early, and decided to put his fortune in a business venture which failed and lost everything! If his wife didn’t have a job, and a business, they would be on the streets begging right now. But she stepped in and covered their behind.

What if she is so beautiful, but her character stinks?

Trust me, no be fine person go chop oh! It is the substance that someone spends time developing on the inside of them, which will make a relationship stand the test of time. Looks isn’t everything.

What attracts you to someone today, might not be the same thing that gets your attention in someone else tomorrow

Human beings are unique, we all don’t have the same characteristics, mark up or even DNA (yes that is how unique we are). What attracts me to person A might be totally different from what attracts me to person B tomorrow because we all grow and evolve. I might see a unique character trait in someone tomorrow, which I did not know I even needed. It is more about who the person is on the inside than what their outward appearance looks like. So you can’t put everyone in a box, this world is too diverse.

So career-driven women, stand the risk of remaining single for the rest of their lives?

People are single for various reasons, how are we sure from the pool of women, which this guy drew his stats from, that all of them want to be in relationships or get married? You never know! Plus not everyone flaunts their relationships. For him to say—“average-looking women” who are in positions of power are mostly single, is a low thing to say, and exposes his level of ignorance. Beauty is relative; attraction is also relative. Who you consider unattractive is the most beautiful person to someone else. There are loads of successful women who are married to successful men. (Hello Michelle Obama!)

The men who marry “beautiful women” do so for many reasons

It may be that they want a trophy wife; it may be that they have a savior’s complex; it may be that someone told them in the past that they couldn’t land an attractive woman, and they are now doing so to prove a point; it may be that they see something unique on the inside of them, that has nothing to do with outward appearance. So people make their assumptions from the outside, but those involved in the relationship, know what they see on the inside. Besides how many of these rich men, who keep dating models, experience longevity in their relationships? Think about it!

It is because of narratives like these, which drive women, to do all they can to alter their outside, without paying much attention to what is on the inside of them. Your physical appearance will fade away, one day you will leave this planet, but it is the legacy that you leave behind, which will outlive you.

Dear Successful Single Woman,

Don’t pursue success because you feel like that is what will land you your beau, and also if you are successful and single, your success is not the reason for your singleness; there are various reasons as to why a person might be single, and we don’t know it all. Please do not buy into false narratives, focus on who God created you to be, more than anything else; spend time developing yourself, and discovering your purpose. Be the best version of yourself that you can ever be, don’t do anything just to attract the opposite sex (men & women inclusive). Be so busy in the life, God has called you to live, and naturally, the right person will roll up, right next to you (maybe).

So what do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below, and remember to like, share and subscribe, never to miss an update.

Don’t stop here; click this link to explore more on our Relationship page.

About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.

Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.

#Relationships #Love #Purpose

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