Written by Evi Idoghor
I haven't sat down at a computer in a long time to write a blog post for this site.
Life got in the way, other projects demanded my attention, and I was unable to give this platform the attention it deserved—be patient, I promise to be more consistent from now on.
Let's get right to it: does God no longer care about premarital sex?
A few weeks ago, I was privy to a conversation between a pastor and a celebrity. When she met with the pastor, there were a few unanswered questions she couldn't wait to discuss in the hopes that he would point her in the right direction. Sex was brought up in the conversation (as it always does, it seems). For example, she said, "I'd be happy to share my ideas with you about the whole sex before marriage thing... "I don't think God cares about those things."
The reasoning behind her statement was based on two scenarios that she had the privilege of witnessing. Scenario 1: A Christian woman, who decided not to have sex before marriage, married a man who portrayed himself to be a Christian. However, during their marriage he was extremely wicked to her, she expressed, and the union ended up in a divorce. Scenario 2: Another woman who decided to test every single thing (in her own words) ended up marrying a good man, who loves her, and they both enjoy a great marriage.
Hence, the celebrity concluded, that Christians must be the ones who mount such pressures on themselves, and God must not care so much about fornication. Because, one person indulged in it and arrived at great results, and yet, the other one who chose to obey the teachings of the Bible, suffered dire consequences.
Much Ado About Holiness?
Some might spend time pondering why people should deny themselves of the fleeting pleasures of this life—if two adults consent to enjoying sex, surely God has bigger fish to fry than to be concerned with what they do with their bodies, they say. You can have sex with whomever you want, as long as it is done responsibly and no one is hurt in the process, you know, like drinking. This, would be the case if the God of the Bible did not care about what people did with their bodies, especially those who profess to be Christians.
People often misconstrue the reason why He commands Christians not to indulge in sexual sin or fornicate. Most times, they think that His reasoning is for us to “save it” for marriage, like a perfectly wrapped gift presented to a spouse on their wedding night. But that isn’t what the Bible teaches; not everyone will end up married, not everyone wants to get married. So that must mean that our holiness, or wanting to abstain from sexual sin is bigger than marriage, just like every other thing we do in life as Christians to honor God.
God commands His children to be holy because that is the way He is (1 Peter 1:16). Also, we must remember that we were bought with a precious price, thus, we are no longer our own, and God dwells with us—“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body...Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13, 19-20 ESV)
What determines a successful relationship?
Now, just because you are not having sex in a dating relationship doesn’t mean you should be blinded to the things that you are meant to be learning about the other person. Here are a few pointers: How is that person’s relationship with Christ and with others? Do they love God? Do they revere him? Do they keep His commandments? Do they love people? Are they kind to others? How do they handle their responsibilities and finances? Are they willing to grow in areas where they are weak?
What are their views on various issues plaguing the world? Who are they when no one is watching? How are they around their friends and family? How do they speak about their boss or those they work with? Do they operate with integrity? Road rage nko? Do they have a temper? Things like these will help you discover if a person is right for you or not. Whilst the lack of sex in a dating relationship is a great thing; it isn’t the only determining factor for a successful relationship.
Given the second point which was raised about the woman who slept around, yet, ended up with a great spouse, I would say—Praise God! This should make the woman realize how merciful and good, God is. Regardless of her disobedience to His commands (as a believer), He chose to have mercy on her. Thus, this shouldn’t be an opportunity to gloat or undermine what is written in the Bible, rather this kind gesture from God should drive the defaulter to realize their sin, and repent.
When Peter had an encounter with Jesus’ goodness, he asked Christ to go away from him because he was a sinner. Not because he wanted to run away from God, this (I presume) was perhaps due to the fact that he couldn’t comprehend God’s goodness at that moment. Same with the prophet, Isaiah, after he came in contact with God’s holiness, he said he was a man with unclean lips. Their realization of God’s goodness/holiness opened up their eyes to see just how sinful they were—it wasn’t an opportunity for them to say—hmmm, God must not care about my sinful lifestyle, because He is still good to me, (that is prideful) however, it drove them to want to be in fellowship with Him, leaving their sinful ways behind.
Romans 2:4, says, “Or do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”
Let’s reiterate this point: Just because God is good, doesn’t mean that He undermines His word. Everything which is written is of utmost importance, even if our minds tend to deceive us by suggesting some things are not that serious anymore, as if God’s word evolves as we go along—news flash, it doesn’t. Hence, God’s goodness, mercy, righteousness, and all that He shows us, should not lead us to think that He now condones sin.
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