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Help! She is not just that into me

Updated: May 22, 2020

So I was watching a relationship talk series the other day when someone sent in their question asking for a solution to a problem he had for many months. According to him, he has been seeing this girl and everything seems great, they’ve gone on dates together, taken pictures, had fun, and have had great conversations. The issue now is that if he doesn’t call her, she does not bother to call him, and whenever he calls, they speak for hours on end. So the issue isn’t if the girl is into him, because from the way she acts when they speak or hang out it seems like she is, but why doesn’t she call? Hmmm…let’s talk about it.

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Some people were quick to jump in and say—she is not just that into you, but I beg to deviate from that narrative because I have been in a similar situation. From the look of things, it feels like the guy likes her a lot, and wants to be with her, but in my case, the guy always professed his love for me but did not back his words with action. We only spoke when he called because whenever I tried to reach out, he never answered my calls, so I stopped trying to reach out to him. I never initiated a conversation after that, even a common text message to say hello—I did not send. He then would complain and complain about me not putting in any effort to grow our relationship.

Whenever he called me we would speak for hours and have deep conversations about many things—from God to relationships, to the universe, and whatever was worth talking about. There was a lot of excitement when we spoke, but within days of the conversation, the euphoria wore out. The reason why I did not bother reaching out was that I did not feel 100% comfortable with him, since he did not show me that he truly wanted to be with me. I decided to take a step back and protect my heart. I wasn’t given the right signal that I needed to be comfortable enough to pick up my phone and call him, just because…my defenses went up.

Ladies have a defense mechanism, and it sometimes shows up like this—like not speaking to him except he calls you. It might be due to a past hurt, or a signal that the guy is unknowingly giving off—just as a turtle does when it senses that a predator is near and enters into its shell to protect itself from getting hurt, we also tend to shrink back into our shell, so we don’t get hurt. Until the person you are with creates a comfortable environment for you to completely be yourself, guys will keep on dealing with defense mechanisms from women who are serious about guarding their hearts.

For the guy who came up with the above complaint, I would say he should have an open and honest conversation with the lady in question, expressing how he feels about the situation, and whatever resolution they both come to, that will be the answer he is looking for.

What do y’all think? Leave your comments below and also remember to like, share, and subscribe, never to miss an update on Let’s Talk Nation.

Like what you just read? Click this link to explore more articles like these on our Relationships Segment.

About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.

Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.

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