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I Am Scared Of Spending The Rest Of My Life Alone

Updated: Oct 26, 2021

Written by Evi Idoghor


If you know me, you'll know that I enjoy watching documentaries. While many people spend their evenings binge-watching their favorite Netflix shows, I am often busy searching YouTube for the next best documentary to lose myself in. The other day, I came across one titled, “I'm afraid of spending the rest of my life alone.” With a title like that, how could I resist?

Despite the fact that loneliness is a common problem, most people do not discuss it. There is a sense of shame and pain associated with it, and it takes a level of trust and vulnerability to share how you truly feel with others without fear of being judged for it.
I am scared of spending the rest of my life alone

Loneliness in Single People


The documentary followed the lives of people from different demographics, all of whom shared one thing in common: they were all lonely. The fact that they came to this commonality through their diverse life experiences did not diminish their uniqueness. This was something I could relate to when people my age talked about the pain they experienced as a result of the problem in question.


As a single woman in her early thirties who lives alone, loneliness can creep up on you when you least expect it. It's possible that you think to yourself, “I thought I was over this,” but the feelings show up to remind you that you are still a person (or maybe you just watched a bunch of romantic movies the day before). So you wonder if “it” will ever happen for you.

Year after year, you tell yourself, “This will be the year.” In your head, you plan your engagement, wedding, and future, and then it's the next year! Causing you to conclude, “Surely, there is more to life than marriage and babies.” With that, you console yourself until the next bout of loneliness strikes.


Despite the fact that loneliness is a common problem, most people do not discuss it. There is a sense of shame and pain associated with it, and it takes a level of trust and vulnerability to share how you truly feel with others without fear of being judged for it. Humans were created by God to be in relationship with one another. This is evident in family dynamics, church communities, committed relationships, work, and so on. As such, it is completely natural for people to feel lonely if any of these factors are lacking.

Despite the fact that loneliness is a common problem, most people do not discuss it. There is a sense of shame and pain associated with it, and it takes a level of trust and vulnerability to share how you truly feel with others without fear of being judged for it.
I am scared of spending the rest of my life alone

Loneliness in Relationships

This, I believe, is the worst form of loneliness: having a “companion” but still feeling alone. I once went through this in a relationship where the man didn't make time for me and barely spoke to me when we weren't together. My friends were out and about with their spouses/boyfriends, while I was cooped up in my apartment crying over someone who didn't care about me. “I feel alone!” I muttered to myself one day. It would have been preferable if I had been single, with no one in the picture, rather than “having” someone who was emotionally unavailable. It was a strange sensation.


Some people will find themselves in this situation as a result of attempting to alleviate their loneliness. So, they jump on the next thing that pays them little attention, settling for crumbs, not realizing that being in such a situation is far more disastrous than being unattached. It only adds to the agony they were experiencing.


How can one overcome loneliness?


By being honest: Be honest with yourself, with others, and, most importantly, with God. People will only show up for you if you start talking about it. Some people suffer from chronic depression as a result of uncontrollable feelings of loneliness. Some people have even considered suicide as a result of this. Every day, we walk past people, oblivious to the burdens they bear. If we are open and honest about this issue, and have conversations about it, others who are dealing with it will be able to share their pain as well.


Ask God for help: Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” God isn’t rolling His eyes at the fact that you feel lonely, He doesn’t see you as weak because of this. Psalm 68:6 says, God sets the lonely in families…” He knows—He was the one who said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. So, pour out your heart to Him, and He will lift the burden, and open opportunities for you to build healthy relationships with others.


Become a part of a church community: What better group of people to spend your life with than others who share your values? God knows we can't handle life on our own, so He assembled us in the body of Christ, first to serve Him, and then to serve others. Make it a habit to attend church physically, and regularly, that way you can form relationships with others.


Do more of what you enjoy: God has endowed everyone with unique talents, abilities, and skills. When I am lost in my writing, I am able to escape the real world—it is therapeutic, exciting, and adventurous. I feel accomplished, when I am done—as if I've just conquered the world for the day. Others may enjoy cooking, baking, visiting the less fortunate, or volunteering at a local nursing home. When you use your gift to help others, you gain a sense of fulfillment that pushes loneliness to the back burner.


Loneliness after a Lifetime of Happiness

Despite the fact that loneliness is a common problem, most people do not discuss it. There is a sense of shame and pain associated with it, and it takes a level of trust and vulnerability to share how you truly feel with others without fear of being judged for it.
I am scared of spending the rest of my life alone

As the documentary progressed, it became clear that the older people's loneliness was caused by the loss of their spouses. Some had been married for 40 years, while others had been married for 70. While they must have spent the majority of their lives with their spouses, it did not compensate for the void left by their loved ones when they died. This only reminded me of my father. I began to wonder, how did he truly feel after my mother's death?


After one parent dies, I believe children develop a kind of selfishness toward the remaining parent. They often become upset when they begin dating or contemplate “moving on” in their lives (I know I felt this way). We expect them to be alone, to deal with it, to chest it, and just get on with it. Not considering how they might feel in the absence of a life partner.


Being African, especially coming from a culturally conservative country like Nigeria, makes it even more difficult. We rarely express our feelings or emotions. I haven't talked to my father about my mother's death in almost 12 years, and I'm curious how it affected him. Society frowns at widows/widowers who move on “quickly,” they question if they harbored this relationship while their partner was alive, or the extremists wonder if they had a hand in their partner's death (Nollywood movie)—as if the vows didn‘t read: till death do us part.


What if it was simply a case of loneliness? Attempting to fill a void? Or attempting not to sin against God by engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage? Have a conversation with a widow/widower instead of arching your brows or wearing an upside down smile when they make certain decisions after their partners' deaths. Listen to their anguish and heartbreak. Be sympathetic. Recognize that you can only predict what you would do if you were in their shoes. In retrospect, I am relieved that my father remarried. Even if it happened quickly, that is okay too.


There you have it, our talk on loneliness. What do you think? Leave your comments below and also remember to like, share, and hit the subscribe button at the top, never to miss an update on the website.


Related Post: 4 Wrong Reasons To Be In a Relationship


Don’t stop here; click this link to explore the Relationships segment of the website. Are there any topics you would like for me to cover? Leave them in the comments section or email us at info@letstalknationblog.com. Images used in this article are courtesy of Unsplash

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