Updated: Sep 26, 2018
"Can two walk together if they don't agree?" Amos 3:3
As a Christian, I want to be involved with someone, who also shares my belief system. Because it just saves you a lot of grief, relationships are complicated enough that we don’t need to add one more ingredient to the mix that will throw off the whole taste of the food (Okay, I just came up with that analogy, but you get my drift). When it comes to relationships/marriage, it is vital for you to know that whoever you are considering joining your life with is on the same page as you spiritually.
You both have to believe at least the same fundamental things. Now, one person might be stronger than the other one when it comes to spirituality, but that is not what I am referring to. Some people are believers, who join themselves with unbelievers, just because they don't want to be alone. It shouldn’t be so, because that will help bring up a lot of issues in your marriage, or relationship that you should have no business dealing with.
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Welcome to the fourth part of our Let’s Talk Series, where we have been exploring different topics from sex, to character, to commitment, as it pertains to relationships. You can use the hashtag below (#Letstalkseries or click on the hyperlinks) to find the other parts if you are not yet acquainted with them.
When two people meet, it is effortless for them to be carried away by the romance and fairy-tale of it all. If the other person is attractive, telling you what you want to hear, showers you with attention and compliments, then you are on top of the world. Or am I the only one that has experienced this? You have to be careful in this stage of the relationship because, if you are easily misled by all these sweet nothings, you then begin to forget to evaluate the situation to see if it is the right fit for you.
I have been guilty of this—I wait till after I have fallen for a guy, to start evaluating his spiritual life. Then it becomes difficult for me to let go, leaving me entangled in relationships that were not pleasing to God. Thankfully none of this has led to marriage, because by then you have made a commitment, which is difficult to walk away from. Okay, let's get to the gist of the matter—
What questions can you ask, to find out about a person’s spiritual life?
In all of these articles, I usually include questions to ask, just so you know where a person’s head is, and also, I make it clear that you don’t just go by a person’s answer, but their actions as well. Jesus explained it this way—“by their fruits, you shall know them.” He went ahead to say; a good tree, cannot bear bad fruit, neither can a bad tree bear good fruit. So by their fruits (actions, characters they exhibit, things they say), you shall know them, it’s that simple.
People can be deceptive, but they can only deceive those, who don’t pay close attention to them. Some people may say—he changed right after we got married, or I thought because she was a woman, that she loved children. Did you ask the right questions? Did you see her around children? Did you hear her speak about how she loved kids? The dating process should be an evaluation process, not the time when you guys are trying to get each other to bed; there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3).
If you are a believer, start off with questions like these—do you believe in God? Then depending on how they answer, go ahead and ask; are you a Christian? What church do you attend? Do you serve in the church? How important is the word of God to you? How often do you go to church?
I went out on a date (first date) with a guy, who I asked if he was Christian and what church he attended, he said yes he was a Christian and told me where he went to church. From the church he mentioned, I already knew it was not going to work out because I am not of that particular faith (I know Christianity can get complicated).
Anyway, I chose to overlook. One day we were having a conversation, and he opened up and told me he hadn’t been to church in over 20 years! I was in shock! When I came back to reality, I asked him if it was just a church thing, or if he still had a personal relationship with God, or if he at least read the bible. To which he replied—no I don’t have a relationship with God and I don’t read the bible. Then I asked; are you open to a relationship with God? Trust me you don’t want to hear my answer on that—he responded.
Okay, I said bracing myself for the next question, I then asked—are you an atheist? And he said yes! How did we go from I am a Christian to I don't believe in God? I thought in my head. Anyway, I applauded his honesty, and I wasn't about to embark on a journey, to start convincing him on why he should believe in God because he didn't want to have the conversation. And I was also glad that it was only within days I found out that he was an atheist, even if I already knew that he wasn’t a Christian as I was, based on his fruits, as Jesus put it.
So yes people can lie about all these things, but it is essential to ask questions. If I didn't go ahead to ask him the follow-up questions on why he hadn't been to church in 20 years, maybe I wouldn't have known he was an atheist. And for me, I can’t be in a relationship with someone who does not believe in God.
Back to the questions—how often do you spend time with God? Do you read your bible? Do you pray? Do you love God? Do you believe in tithing?—there is a massive debate on this, whether tithing is new testament approved or not, so it is essential for you to know whether your potential partner tithes, so you don't have problems in your marriage. (This is me assuming you believe in tithing).
What are your thoughts on serving in the church? How do you intend to lead your home spiritually? Do you believe in the Holy Trinity? Do you believe in hell? — A guy who is Christian, once told me that he didn’t believe there was a hell, because he couldn’t wrap his head around how a loving God, could send people to hell. And there were some things in the bible he questioned. Should people have their questions and doubts? Yes, they can.
But you, who believes all things, should think wisely before joining your life with someone who doubts or doesn't understand some specific things, because they can steer you in the wrong direction if you are not careful. And I told him, that it was because he hung around a lot of atheists that they began to get in his head and sow these seeds of doubts. I am in no way saying you can’t be friends with people who believe differently than you, but you must also surround yourself with people in your inner circle, that believe in the same things that you do.
The Bible urges Christians not to be unevenly yoked with unbelievers, stating—what business does light have with darkness? This is not to be mean, or create discord, what God is trying to do here is protect the believer, from getting influenced by those who don't believe. And the person who can get to you quickly is a spouse if you are not firm in your belief system.
If you are a believer and are married to someone who doesn't believe in Jesus, this is not a call for you to leave your marriage— but you have your work, cut out for you.
Before we go ahead and join ourselves to someone else, we should always stop to think about the big picture. Think about your children, generations after you that might grow up confused because both parents are teaching them different things.
And there are just some perks that come with marrying a believer—you guys can pray together, believe together, worship together, serve together, fight together, overcome together, and raise godly kids together. You need someone who will take this stance as Joshua did—“as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
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Life becomes so much sweeter when you have someone who is in your corner spiritually. If you are a believer and want to settle, just because you feel like time is running out, be patient! God has His best waiting for you, do not give into societal or peer pressure. Do not even settle for those who claim to be Christians, and do not uphold godly values. Remember God will not send you someone who isn’t straightforward, and who doesn’t uphold godly standards. Wait for God to act on your behalf; He never fails to deliver.
Hope you enjoyed the part 4 of this series, I think we have one more part left, which will cover finances. Be sure to be on the lookout for that one. Always leave your thoughts in the comment section below, and remember to like, share and subscribe to never miss an update! Thank you for reading.