Mr. Perfect: Part 4

Updated: Feb 25, 2019

Lagos, wahala dey oh!

‘So has he passed the test?' What test? I answered back my sister, a bit confused. ‘The Titus Test' Oh! That test! So I had recently published a two-part test on my website for both men and women to figure out if a potential partner was right for them. The Titus 1 Test, for women, talked about how women should steer clear from men who couldn't control their temper, who were drunks, who cheated on them, and so on. Mr. Almost Perfect was looking right at the moment. There was no need to kick him out of my life just yet. When I wasn’t on the phone with him for hours, I spent hours talking about him to my close friends and family. He consumed my thinking, my thought process, and I was completely sold to the idea that we would end up together.

Image courtesy of Unsplash

If you put someone on such a pedestal, when they fall short, you get disappointed. There was a first fight brewing between myself and Mr. Almost Perfect. I called him on a Saturday, and he didn’t respond to or return my call. Mr. Not so Perfect wouldn’t do that I thought, he was always quick to answer my calls and load my prepaid phone with credit, whenever I ran out. Sunday came around, with me looking forward to Mr. Almost Perfect’s call and apology, but nothing came through. Monday, I watched the clock, with each passing hour, and still no phone call or even a text.

Read Part 3 Here

I began to get worried. Mr. Almost Perfect is starting to look not perfect at all. Then Tuesday night came around, and I received a text message; ‘Hey sweetheart, how have you been? How was your day? I was asleep when the text came in at 7pm, and woke up at about 8:30pm, and saw his message. He then went ahead to call me, when he didn’t get any response to his text. He was asking why he hadn’t heard from me in a couple of days. “Really? You are going to flip this on me?” I paid him no mind and sounded cold on the phone. He quickly got wind of my reaction and pointed it out. ‘Are you okay?’ “Yes I am, is there any reason I shouldn’t be? Besides, I have a headache.”

That was my response back to him. Then I told him I wanted to go back to sleep since I had a long day at work.

He said; okay feel better and got off the phone, a few minutes later, he called again, not being comfortable with my passive aggression. He asked if all was well and why I wasn’t my usual cheerful self, with me screaming in my mind, ‘all isn’t well, didn’t you see my missed call? How can you ignore me for days, you are supposed to be Mr. Perfect in the making.' Yes, all is not well; I didn’t like the fact that I got ignored. He went ahead and apologized for his action, but things kind of went sour after that.

Maybe he was left thinking ‘I haven’t even gotten into a relationship with this girl and she is tripping over an unreturned phone call.’ I called my close friend telling her what happened. She kind of sided with his thoughts (not that we knew that was what he was thinking), she said I had set some expectations on this guy, I claimed was just my friend. She then went ahead to ask how many times has she told me, she would call me back, and didn't, or did not return a call after she missed it, and that didn't deter our relationship, so why was I tripping?

Well, you have a point, my dear friend, even if I like to think of Mr. Almost Perfect as just a friend, because I don't jump into relationships quickly since I don't want to get hurt, but in my heart, I knew I wanted us to be more than friends.

And if this is going to work out, he had to step up his communication game, as I thrive on that in relationships. I guess we couldn't recover from our little misunderstanding because things became a bit awkward between us. Although we spent hours on the phone after our fight, I felt distant from him. Our communication reduced more. Even if I liked him so much, I loved my pride better, so I didn't bombard his phone with messages or calls. I didn't want to be that crazy girl who pursued guys. When another weekend came around, and he didn't call me as usual, I knew in my mind, that was the end, at least for now.

That weekend was hard especially. My sister sent me messages saying ‘good morning how was your night?’ I appreciated the love coming from her, but she wasn’t the one I wanted to hear those words from. It was as if her name should change automatically from sister, to Mr. Almost Perfect on my phone. But it didn’t happen that way. Ah Mr. Almost Perfect wasn’t Mr. Perfect after all. I would like to think that Mr. Perfect wouldn’t do this to me, he wouldn’t break my heart. He will be committed no matter what. Even if Mr. Almost Perfect, expressed interest in me, his actions were not measuring up. When he didn’t call for a week, I was so hurt.

I was on my own oh! Lord knows I wasn’t interested in him when he first slid into my dm (direct message). But I let my guards down after a compliment of my writing skills. Darn it! Everyone compliments the way you write, why was his own different? I am done with men! Let no one ask for my number or speak to me, yes definitely not you, Mr. Not so Perfect. I don't enjoy our conversations anymore. You finally told me what you were really interested in; Friends with Benefits.

I can’t give that to you, I can’t cast off my pearls to what isn’t going to benefit me. But that was not before I received a gift from him, from the US. Guys he asked to get me something now, plus I was hurting, I needed comfort. I even gave him a scenario of what happened between a ‘girl’ and her potential partner, asking what his advice was, and he said to let things be. If things are meant to work out, they will.

Mr. Almost Perfect, I wish I never responded to your initial messages, I would have continued being the happy go lucky single girl, waiting for her Mr. Perfect, but you had to come into my life, I had to answer you, and we had to end like this. Sigh! Not everyone gets their ‘, and they lived happily ever after’ after all. Disney, I need my money back for all those years of being sold unrealistic dreams. So he is not the one, I definitely have to look for another, I guess ‘almost’ doesn’t count.

Originally published on

Mr. Perfect is a seven-part series, that would be published every week on BellaNaija and a couple of days later on Let's Talk Nation. It is Evi's journey to happily ever after. Join us every week to find out what happens. If you loved Revisiting Ground Zero, you will love this one even more.

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