Revisiting Ground Zero: Hindsight is 20/20 (pt.8)

Updated: Apr 21

Hindsight is 20/20, how many of you have heard this phrase? it's as if after something happens, and we look back on our lives, that the scales fall off from our eyes and we can now see clearly. Like the Jimmy Cliff song that goes "I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all the obstacles in my way, Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, it's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shinning day" then it goes ahead to say " Oh yes I can make it now the pain is gone, All of the bad feelings have disappeared, here is that rainbow I've been praying for, it's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shinning day." Y'all can tell from most of my posts that I also love music as I keep incorporating them into my writing. It just makes everything more interesting (in my mind at least). When the storm passes, our vision becomes 20/20, the perfect eyesight.

We have finally come to the end of this series, I am glad that I was able to share my personal experience with y'all. Thank you for all the amazing feedback, my hope is that even if one person learns from my journey, then I will be satisfied. As I shared previously in the part 6 of this series (The beginning of the end), I began to see clearly. Everything started making sense; there was a short period when Lola and I weren't communicating, and I attributed that to her being busy or going through some personal turmoil.

I always had it at the back of my mind to reach out to her to find out if she was okay, but I never got around to doing it because I was going through hell myself in my relationship. I also noticed that after church on Wednesdays and Sundays, she didn't hang around anymore to gist with my friends and me, it was as if she was always rushing off to do something. She no longer hung out at my house; she took back her house keys from me, and tried to avoid an encounter with me at all costs. All of this behavior, I took note of before I was privy to the information that she was the other woman in me and Fisayo’s saga.

The Torture

It hurt like hell! There were days when I would sit down, and tears would make their way through my tear ducts without me making a conscious effort to cry. I couldn't believe that this happened to me, me of all people? How now? This kind of thing only happened in the movies or on Linda ikeji blog! Not Evi’s life? No never! This has to be a dream. She never for once said she was sorry, she called me a fool for wanting to believe Fisayo's side of the story over hers, like she was more trustworthy, please spare me. She also implied that; Fisayo got with me because my father was a big shot in some oil company. He just wanted me for my money, and I was a spoiled brat!

I would go to church and see her there, the pastor would be preaching, and her amen would be louder than everybody else's (hahahaha). During praise and worship, she jumped around the church, without any regard to the person she hurt, who once thought they were friends (I am not in anyway saying she shouldn't praise her God oh). I just couldn't believe that someone could be so "free" after hurting someone else, how could she be so heartless? There were a lot of people who wanted to fight for me, but I pleaded with them not to do anything.

I intentionally deferred telling my brother until things blew over. He was so hurt! He said, "why am I the last to always be in the know." Luckily my brother left two days before all hell was let loose. And I thank God for that because I can't say what he would have done.

So I started strategizing, maybe if I go for the first service, she wouldn't be there, and voila she would be right there sitting in front with her straight face. She never acknowledged me; I was like a non-existent thing to her. I couldn't bear it anymore, and I left to stay with my cousin for two weeks. My cousin's mom, not knowing the story, teased me saying "this one you came to visit your sister, the storm in Waco must have been fierce oh.” Haha, she was right! It was something out of a tyler perry movie! She said that because I never went to see my cousin, my cousin was the one who always came to visit.

I needed that break to pull myself back together; my family was my greatest support system during that time. Thank God for family! Since then, Fisayo has reached out to me twice, spread out over a 16-month period, saying he was sorry for what happened. I had to work through my emotions and forgive Lola completely, even if I never got an apology. I had to do it for my sanity and for God.

Some of the lessons I’ve learned

1) Be Spirit led and not flesh led: When I met Fisayo, it was all about his looks. I didn’t even have intentional conversations with him to get to know who he was as a person. And when the Holy Spirit tried to warn me, I flat out ignored Him and it landed me where I found myself.

2) Don’t lose yourself by trying to become something you are not for someone else: I was willing to try new things even if it centered on sin, to please Fisayo. At the time I had no standards or boundaries.

3) Know who you are in Christ: As a christian it is very important that you know what your identity is in Jesus. If you don't know, man will define it for you. If I knew who I was in Christ, I wouldn’t have let Fisayo treat me the way he did. There were so many opportunities I had to walk away when he disrespected me, but I didn’t. My self-esteem was at zero.

4) Let go and Let God: This is a pretty cliche phrase, but it is so true. Sometimes we try to hold on to something that wasn't meant to be in our lives to begin with. Someone once used an analogy to drive this point home. He held on to a bottle of water and asked his students what will happen to the bottle if he held on to it for a few minutes, they said nothing, he said for a few hours, and they said nothing but then your hand would start hurting. T

hat was the point he was trying to make, when you hold on to something for so long, that thing doesn't necessarily change, you are the one who will keep hurting. Yes it is painful, yes you will cry many tears, but in the end, God's love wins. His love will heal you and carry you even in your darkest hour. God still loved me even when I was not honoring Him; He still cared enough to show me dreams and reveal things to me that I didn't know what was going on behind my back. If we step back and let Him rule our lives, we will be living our best lives here on earth. He has the best plans!

5) Be Careful Who You Call Friends: Reevaluate the friendships that you have in your life right now, ask God to reveal to you who is not for you and He would show you. Not everyone who smiles with you wishes you well. Proverbs 26:25 says People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they are trying to deceive you. They pretend to be kind, but don’t believe them; their hearts are full of many evils”. Wow! So apt to this story! Be careful guys.

Do I wish things had happened differently? Probably! But then again, maybe I wouldn't have known the strong emotions Lola had against me, and maybe something even more dangerous would have happened in the future. So even if the process was a tough one, I am thankful for the lessons and the exposures the journey brought.

I hope sharing a bit of my journey encourages people who are in toxic relationships and even friendships to break free. My prayer is that God would raise responsible young men who will treat His daughters with the respect that they desire.

I can't believe this series has come to an end! who knows what is next? a movie? a scripted series or a book? (hahaha, but a girl can dream right?). If you haven't caught up with all the other parts; The Back Story (pt.1), Boy Meets Girl (pt.2) The Other Woman (pt.3), The Scare (pt.4), The Second Break up (pt.5), The Beginning of The End (pt.6), please do so! To grab the whole gist of the story. Enjoy the song, My Story by big daddy weave below, never be ashamed of your story, feel free to share it with the world and it might just impact lives.

Big daddy weave youtube account

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#relationships #love #myStory #heartache #breakup

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