Revisiting Ground Zero(pt.6): The Beginning of the End

Updated: Apr 21

Who else is excited to continue this series with me? Just me? Ok! Kidding! This has been one of the most read posts on the website, and I am glad that people find my personal story interesting (I never knew I had some depth to me, haha). The purpose of sharing my journey with you all is that hopefully, no one makes the same mistakes that I did in the past. Since I have revisited this journey, it has made me evaluate my current relationships, to see if I am going down that road again.

John Maxwell once said, "Our best teacher isn't experience, it is evaluated experience." So we can go through things countless times, but if we don't take a step back to evaluate those experiences, pick them apart, and choose the lessons from them that we need to learn, we will somehow find ourselves again in that same position, that we vowed never to find ourselves in. Anyway, let's continue the gist oh, this is the part 6 of the revisiting ground zero series, check out part 5 (The second breakup) and all the other subsequent parts if you haven’t done so, to get the full picture. So let’s talk!

A friend of mine was getting married, and I convinced Fisayo to be my date for the wedding. I am no longer shy to admit that I am a hopeless hopeful romantic, so a wedding is my favorite go-to for fun. My brother always teases me, saying that going to weddings for me, is the equivalent of going to the club for others. So yea you get the gist, I love love weddings. I stylishly picked out Fisayo’s outfit, because he wasn't someone who was fashion forward and I wasn't going to let him embarrass me.

So I picked out his shirt, pants, and shoes. I was ready to go show off my man in a grandeur way. I think that was one of the significant outings we went for since we started dating and I wanted everyone to see my tall, dark and handsome bloke for the first time. I was excited for that day, I made sure all my friends were also going to be at the event, and I dressed the part for the occasion. On getting to the venue, we quickly chose a table, were my friends were seated and joined in on the conversation after taking some pictures for the ‘gram.

Because 3 is better than 1, me at the wedding

I noticed one person was missing, Lola! I asked her dear friend where she was and why she was missing in action. She said Lola wasn’t going to be able to make it, I was a bit disappointed, and I wanted everyone to be out here having fun. As the night progressed, I noticed Fisayo was on his phone constantly. I mean it wasn’t a new thing, but I wondered who he was chatting with, who was so important that couldn’t wait until after our night out together to talk to. I ignored the situation as usual and focused on my friends. After some time, I got a text from Lola telling me, to ask Fisayo where my iPad was, and also about the std (in part 5 of this series I talk about an iPad situation, check it out).

Although a bit confused, I wondered how she knew about the std. This same std that led to our breakup? Did Stacey betray me by telling Lola about something I confided in her about? Or did Fisayo tell her about it, since they had some weird friendship going on. I went ahead and showed Fisayo the text and was wondering what was up. Fisayo came up with his usual cock & bull story, to cover up the situation. I didn't understand it, but I chose to believe him. After all, Lola was my friend, if at all I could trust anyone in this triangle, it would be Lola.

I left my phone with him so he could carry on the conversation with her.

Then she started texting all the other girls, informing them to tell me, to get my phone back from Fisayo. At that point, I began to get worried. When I got my phone back, I sent her a text asking what was going on; I said to her "shey you know you can tell me anything.” She said if she told me what she knew, I wouldn’t believe, so I should go ahead and enjoy my relationship. I then showed the message to Naomi, my good friend, expressing to her that if Lola wanted to tell me anything, she should just come out plain and tell me, I did not understand her messages. Then Fisayo came up to me, telling me that he needed to go sort something out and would be back soon. I asked if everything was okay, and he said no, things were bad but he would tell me everything when he returned.

I continued enjoying myself at the wedding, the worst I could think of, was that Lola probably caught him cheating and was trying to tell me about it without really telling me. You know, you don’t want to be that friend that snitches on a friend’s husband or boyfriend, so you call your friend saying “hey, I just saw you looking hot with your man, and your friend goes, where? I am at home, and he is out of town for business." So you just informed your friend about her scandalous husband without really telling her, you get my drift (this is how to report a cheater Naija style lol).

Anyway, after some time Lola texted me again, asking me why my man was knocking on her door and asked me to tell him to leave her alone. I called him, telling him about the messages I just received and asked him to leave her alone and come back to the wedding. He did just that, and I grabbed my stuff, said my goodbyes and went into the car to find out about the, well almost shocker of my life.

The Betrayal

Fisayo” as I fondly called him, “why is Lola sending me all these messages? What do they mean?” He replied, remember when we broke up? Yea I do, for like 2 seconds. Yea that time, I was so mad at you that I went out to the club with Lola and her friends. I told her about the breakup, and she told me she was going to find another babe for me.What? Lola? My friend? How can she suggest such a thing? Anyway go ahead with what you are saying”. He continued, so one thing led to another, and we kissed!Kissed! My God! How? My goodness! Was that the only time you guys made out?No, he sheepishly replied to me, there was one other time that she wanted to prove to her friends that we were together, and she kissed me in front of them.

We were only apart for two weeks, I thought to myself with tears streaming down my face at this time, how could this have happened? At the time the betrayal had not yet sunk in. I guess in my head I thought since it was only a kiss I wouldn't leave my man for that. Who remembers CW's hit show The Game? It debuted after their hit show Girlfriends was canceled (I still love that show). The main couple on the game was Melanie and Darwin.

There was one episode when Darwin cheated on Melanie, and he came back home to do damage control, saying to her that it was only a kiss that went down between him and the other girl, just in case something came out later. Melanie was pissed, but I recall her replying to Darwin after he asked her if she was going to leave him, and she said "No, not over a kiss! But if I find out that there was more, I am leaving.” I am sure Darwin was praying for her never to find out, which she eventually did and left his cheating behind, behind. I wish I could admit that when I found out that it was more than just a kiss, I left! But I didn’t.

The Story Continues

That night, after the not so bombshell, was dropped, I couldn't sleep. When I am sad over something, I lose sleep, and I lose my appetite. Going to bed with a broken heart is one of the hardest things to do because those sad thoughts hunt you even in your sleep. I stayed awake all night, while he slept like a baby. I went to church that Sunday and nothing the pastor was saying got into me. All I could think of was how Lola betrayed me, by not only wanting to hook my man up but by wanting to be the hookie as well (pardon my made up word). I left the main auditorium of the church and went into the kid's department, and texted my friends to meet me.

They flocked in and asked what was happening, I opened up to them about the whole situation, and Eileen said to me "go back home and ask him about the full story, I think what happened was more than a kiss.” I did just that, but Fisayo kept on denying it and was beginning to get mad at me. For the sake of peace, I calmed him down and claimed to believe him. He left my house for hours and later texted me saying if I wanted to talk to Lola about the situation, just so I could have peace, then we could go afterward to her place. Sure thing! I responded, I quickly texted Lola and asked her what available time she was going to be home, and she told me. I responded by saying, FisaIyo and I will be at her place to sort things out.

Later on that evening Fisayo came to pick me up and we drove down to Lola’s house. On reaching there, she sat in her living room, looking like someone who was ready for a fight. I sat down right by her while Fisayo sat on a different couch. Then I proceeded to ask her what was going on, she then said I should tell her what Fisayo has been telling me. I told her no, I needed to hear her own side of the story. We went back and forth for a little bit then I finally caved in. I explained to her the tale Fisayo cooked up for me. She asked me, “How long were you broken up for?” to which I replied two weeks.

Two weeks? When did y’all get back together? She asked again? Before I could respond, Fisayo was trying to interject by saying; it was just two days ago we got back together. I remember using my hands to tell him to hush, so I could hear what Lola was trying to say. I asked Lola, what happened, she said he told her that we just got back together yesterday, I’m like yesterday? Wow. So but what is that to you? I just needed to find out one thing and one thing only, so I asked her, “did Y'all have sex?” and she replied “yes, every day for the past month, you can see my sex calendar, she added.

What? So he was at my house, sleeping with me, then going over to yours and having sex with you as well? Those were my thoughts; I could not believe what I was hearing. Myself and Lola lived in the same apartment complex, so dude had no respect for me, he did his mess right there in my midst. I asked her why she did what she did, with my eyes already welling up. She goes, “I met Fisayo at a party, and I started liking him, we became friends and we started to hang out.” thank you for your time, that’s all I needed to find out, I said making my way out of her house.

Later on I found out that she never thought I was her friend, that we were just acquaintances and oh, she hated me as well, because whenever she spoke about me in that season, she spoke about me so much hate. Two people confirmed this, and it was crazy how they said it the same way and at different times; "Evi whenever she spoke about you, it was as if she hated you." This now brings what my good friend Naomi once said about me to life (my Nigerian readers will get this), Naomi was enjoying my company one time, and she was going on about how I was a nice person and all that, then she said “anybody wey no like Evi, na winch.” I always crack up when I think about that statement, but it was so apt in this situation.

Remember when I said Fisayo disappeared for a couple hours and then, texted me asking if I wanted to meet with Lola? Yea! So apparently he had gone over to her place to plead with her, to lie to me, saying it was only a kiss that went down between both of them, but Lola screwed him over. I was so distraught, I couldn't believe my ears. Lola? Someone that I had known for 8 years prior to the incident? Someone who picked me up from the airport when I first landed in the US? Someone who we hung out together, played games together, watched movies together? Whenever she travelled she got me stuff and I returned the favor when I travelled as well. I had a key to her apartment, so I could quickly do my laundry there.

She took my trash out whenever she came to my house; I lent her my car, when she didn’t have any to move around. I paid for her to get into a water theme park when she didn’t have the finances to do so and I wanted her to be there so bad. She stayed over at my friend’s house in Houston, because she had become “one of us.” We attended the same church and served together.

Gosh! I gave you my car and you and Fisayo were driving around town and messing around! How did you have the heart to do so? If someone had seen a vision for my life and had told me ahead of time that Lola will hurt me to the capacity that she did, I would have replied: "get thee behind me, Satan.” Those were the countless thoughts that were going through my head, as I tearfully walked back to my apartment, with her screaming behind me “Evi, come grab your man from my house.”

The story continues in The Revelation.

*The names and location used in this story, has been changed to protect the identity of the parties involved*

#Relationships #breakups #betrayal #friendships

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