Updated: Apr 21
It all makes sense now
Those times when he would leave me at home, saying he was going to hang out with friends, he was actually going to spend time with Lola. When he picked up random fights with me, it was so that he could leave me, and go around town with her. When he complimented her body in the presence of my family, it was because he knew what it looked like behind closed doors. When he talked about her friends, it was because he was spending ample time with them.
When he asked me about specific details of past relationships I had, and threatening to break up with me, if he found out I was lying about them, it was because she was feeding him with lies. No wonder she didn’t come to see my brother when he came visiting, no wonder he did not like my brother (the feeling was mutual anyway), When I felt like someone was assassinating my character, it was because someone really was. I gave of myself too much, to that relationship and the so called friendship, and it landed me where I found myself, at ground zero, rock bottom. It was hard to pick myself back up.
As I walked back to my apartment crying, the people on the streets looked at me with pity, wondering what just happened, with no one bold enough to come lend their shoulder for me to cry on. I was in shock! I did not know that people could be that wicked. The bible knew what it was talking about when it said “the heart of man is desperately wicked.” As I got back home, now realizing I left my keys at her apartment, I sat on my staircase crying. Then Fisayo came along and knelt on the ground begging for forgiveness.
Then the flash backs continued, no wonder they were always chatting on facebook! I always thought about what they could be possibly talking about. But I wasn’t the kind of girl to snoop around; I always left Fisayo to his devices. I guess I never really wanted to see what would devastate me. Ah! This was the answer to the prayers I started praying, God came through and exposed everything. No wonder she didn’t want Fisayo to drive me to Houston, no wonder she didn’t want Fisayo to come help me out with my flat tire, and insisted that she would get someone else to come switch it out for me.
No wonder she didn’t make it to the wedding, because she could not bear to see I and Fisayo together. No wonder she wasn’t her jovial self at the get together I had at my house one time, when me and Fisayo where dancing to our own beat. No wonder she started taking her time to dress up and applying the same type of purple lipstick I had, lol the struggle to be like me, was real. I must really be underestimating myself, there must be greatness in me.
No wonder, she turned down my offer to come with me, Fisayo and my friends to a water theme park, saying she was busy, no wonder Fisayo knew I didn’t finish my antibiotics dosage, because it was alleged she came to my house and saw that the medication was still full and went back to inform Fisayo. No wonder Fisayo always asked me these funny questions about my body count, I mean I was no saint, but I wasn’t a harlot either. The list is endless, she was all behind it. She just wanted to tarnish my image so bad, so Fisayo could leave me for her.
Fisayo came back to my apartment with my keys, and we went in together. I asked him to show me all their messages on Facebook, and he showed me a snippet. I was called dumb, fat, lazy, and every word in the book. Only God knows what I did to them both, to be rewarded that way. I loved, cared for and gave Fisayo whatever he needed from me. I could sacrifice friendships and family for him if that was what he wanted (I know, that was extreme). All I wanted at that time was to be in a relationship with Fisayo, and it landed me at a low place, I hit rock bottom when I realized it was all a lie. My relationship was built on a lie, it carried on, on a lie and it eventually crashed when the truth panned out.
I heard a knock on my door, and 3 of my friends (Stacey, Naomi, and Eileen) let themselves in with Lola, while I was in a middle of my interrogation with Fisayo. I lost it! “What is Lola doing in my house I asked so angrily, Lola should get out of my house!” The pillows I had in my hands I threw them at whoever was in front of me, while Naomi ran towards me to hold me, and dragged me into my bedroom, where I just collapsed on the floor and let it all out. I was sobbing “what did I ever do to them to deserve this?” “I was good to them." Naomi held me and fought back her tears.
Eileen told Fisayo to get out, and they tried to resolve the issue. Eileen and Stacey were of the opinion that I had known Lola for eight years, and if I wanted to throw away an eight-year relationship over a six-month rendezvous with Fisayo. My response was Lola already threw that relationship away the moment she started sleeping with Fisayo. Then they wanted to show me the messages and videos between Fisayo and Lola, while Lola was screaming in the living room, that Fisayo brainwashed her. I wasn't interested in seeing any exchange between them, because I reasoned that, if Fisayo did not rape Lola, then we had no case there. They were both guilty in my court, well one with parole and the other without the possibility of parole (you can tell I love crime shows, hello ID channel).
The Boy is Mine
"You need to give it up, had about enough, it's not hard to see, the boy is mine, i'm sorry that you, seem to be confused, he belongs to me, the boy is mine". While writing this story, I couldn't shake Brandy and Monica's 90's hit song out of my head. Two females fighting over a man is something that dates as far back as the bible. I will never put myself in that position again to try to get a man back, by fighting off females, if it ever gets to that, I will make the decision very easy for the man and remove myself from it.
Well you guessed that right; I was willing to give Fisayo another chance. Guys this love thing is no joke oh, I know Oprah swears by a quote by Maya Angelou which says “when people show you who they are, believe them." But I was in denial; I still wanted things to work, I even texted Lola the next day, telling her that I have forgiven her, just because I wanted to move on with Fisayo, to which she bluntly replied that she didn’t need my forgiveness. Then it became a tug of war; I wanted her to give him up so I could sail into the sunset with my not so prince charming. Everyone told me to break things off with him, but I refused. I lost a whole lot of weight in that period; I was depressed and wasn’t eating. I ran to my church for help. I kept on praying for God to change the situation, but I didn’t want to lose Fisayo in the process.
I remember one time my pastor was preaching in church and he said: "God is not going to bless your mess.” Deep down I knew that word was for me, no matter how I wanted to spin things around with Fisayo, God’s stamp of approval wasn’t going to be on it.
I booked an appointment to meet with my pastor, and she was so happy I came to her. I explained everything, and she empathized with me, but without failing to point out the fact that I was living in sin, and just ate the fruit of my actions. Ouch! It hurt to hear the truth, sometimes or most times or maybe all the times; God does not punish us for our sins, we reap the consequences of our actions. She then advised for me to let things go with the both of them and try to move forward with my life. Anytime she saw me after that; she gave me a huge bear hug saying "Evi, please tell me you are doing okay." It was such a trying period in my life.
Never Letting Go
I still went ahead to try and make things work with Fisayo (I know I can be very stubborn). Fisayo had little to no remorse; he started acting up again. Talking to me anyhow and using me when he felt like it. Time for him to go for training in another city came along, and I felt so broken. I was sad to see him leave. We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was so messed up inside. I tried to convince him to let me come to visit him, but he refused. So I pulled back a little bit, and he called me one day, all upset about how I did not care for him. I was like, you didn't want me to come to see you, you don't want me to talk to you on the phone, you said you need space, and so on so what else do you want from me? After we got off the phone that day, I noticed on Facebook that he and Lola had gone back to being friends, after I made him delete and block her.
That was when I lost it finally, I sent him a long text message, expressing how I felt about what went down (maybe with some few intellectual insults), then I blocked him on all my platforms. That was how I finally closed the chapter on me and Fisayo’s whirlwind romance. It was a journey, a journey that led me to find myself. I wouldn't say I have given up entirely on this thing called love (hello! I am a hopeful romantic, thanks to shows like The Bachelor) but my guards are up because I don't want to get hurt again. It's like I have built a prison wall around myself, not wanting to let anyone in.
I pick apart what people tell me, and it has made me a huge skeptic, with me asking a million and one questions, to make sure I am not in the wrong circumstance. Some people have complained, but it will have to take that special someone to break all my walls down and prove to me that he is worthy of all that I am about (I hope I don't screw this up for my dear future husband, haha).
The story is not over yet, come back for the 8th and final part, (Hindsight is 20/20). Hope you have enjoyed this long read. Please feel free to share your relationship stories with me so that we can discuss together.
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