Updated: Dec 26, 2018
Hey y'all I am glad to continue this series after a couple of weeks hiatus due to working on other segments of the website. Hope you are having fabulous day so far. For many of you that may not know, this is a continuation of the series Revisiting Ground Zero, this is the third part of the series. So if you haven't checked out the other parts (The Back Story & Girl Meets Boy), please do so to get the whole gist of the story. Let's pick back up from where I left off the last time, which was Fisayo ending our relationship barely two weeks after we had started dating. Let's Talk!
Eye for ebony- unsplash.com
Like what was I supposed to tell my friends? And everyone else whom I had sent our pictures to? My family? Oh my goodness! "This can't be happening, this is embarrassing",I thought to myself, I was devastated at the time. I can’t remember if I tried to talk him out of his decision right at that moment, but after I got off Skype, I balled my eyes out. Two weeks? After sleeping with you? What will I tell everyone? So I reached out to two of my crazy friends, Stacey and Naomi. They came over the next day and tried to figure out what went wrong.
They were embarrassed for me. How can you face everyone you have told about this budding relationship, they asked? They advised me to talk to him and also pray about it. Fisayo had consumed my prayer life at the time. My conversations with God were mostly about how I wanted him to excel at what he did, how I wanted him to draw closer to Christ, and how I wanted us to end up being together forever. I prayed fervently for God to bring us back together, like the lady portrayed in the movie War Room, after she suspected that her husband might be cheating on her. I wanted my life with Fisayo back desperately!
Ben White- unsplash.com
We eventually had a conversation about the so-called breakup. This, by the way, was our 1 of 3 breakups. He said he was going to be busy with work and wouldn’t have time for me, and if I was okay with that, then we could get back into a relationship. I agreed, I mean to be in a relationship where you are promised slim to none chances of attention, is better than telling the whole world that you were dumped after two weeks abi? So we continued in our dysfunctional relationship.
After we got back together, he said I needed to improve my skills in the bedroom. He was bored and needed some adventure. He asked me to talk to my friends and see if they could help me out but later changed his mind because he didn’t want his business out there. I still went ahead and asked my friends for advice, and they gave me all sorts including buying lingerie and setting up a romantic ambiance anytime we wanted to be intimate-God I hope my father never comes across this. They wanted our relationship to work plus we took the whole no sex before marriage thing lightly at the time.
The Other Woman Makes Her Debut
So off to shopping for lingerie I went. I got all sorts of lingerie, candles and rose petals. A trip to Puerto Rico was around the corner (read about this adventure under Life with Evi), and I needed to spend as much time with him before I left. The night before I left, I went to see a movie with a few of my friends. One of them (Lola) who lived in the same complex as me rode back home with me. I was rushing to go home since he told me he was coming over and almost ran a red light. Lola now said, “please don’t go to his house tonight, since you are already driving crazy, let him be the one to come over.” To which I responded, ‘I am not going over to his place, he is the one coming over.’ She said ‘good.’
That wasn’t the first time she had given me unsolicited advice concerning my relationship with Fisayo. There was a time I was over at her apartment, and she said “I met some of the guys who came into town for work, I like Stacey’s guy, but I’m not sure about your man. I haven’t gotten the time to spend with him (why would you want to spend time with my boyfriend?), but don’t rush into anything physical with him yet. Try building your friendship with him first before you go physical, because being physical with a guy too early in a relationship messes things up” and she threw in something about God and the Holy Spirit into the mix.
Although that was a fairly good advice, it wasn't coming from a good place.
Lola was one of my older friends. I looked up to her and admired her drive for hard work. She was always dedicated to anything she put her heart to do. It is safe to say that she WAS one of my trusted friends. We weren’t besties or anything of that sort, but we had each other’s back when it came down to it. In my mind I thought we were friends, we went to the same church, watched Nigerian movies together, played games together at her house from time to time, and in my heart I felt like I had created a little family for myself in Waco which is thousands of miles away from my home country. If Lola came over to my house and saw trash outside, she took it to the dumb stand for me. She helped me do my laundry occasionally; and I even had a key to her apartment. So we had a “good” relationship. I later found out that she hated me, scary right?
Sam Burriss- unsplash.com
Anyway, I got home that night after the movies and was excited that my man was coming over. I was prepared to have a good time with him before I went on my girl’s trip to San Juan. It took me a while to light up all the candles for some reason; I think I had to go out to get a new lighter. It was raining heavily that night, and I still went out in the rain, talk about dedication. After I lit the candles, I made my bed put rose petals on it and waited for Fisayo to appear. I waited and waited, and waited for him to come. I called him several times that night with no response.
Out of annoyance, I turned off all the candles (after all that effort) and cleaned off all the rose petals from my bed and went to bed crying. At about 3 am, he called me and gave his usual excuse of having to work late that night, and the weather was also bad, so he had a good reason for not showing up on time. He then came over and stayed till about 6 am and left. He told me to have fun in Puerto Rico, and I’m like “am I not going to speak to you again?” I mean my flight wasn’t until the next day as me, and some of my friends were going to make a trip to Houston to take a flight to San Juan.
Did I feel fulfilled after he left that day? No. I was in a relationship but felt so alone. It seemed like everybody’s relationship was working out except for mine. Why did I always have to be the odd one out? Why couldn’t I lock down a reasonable lad? Either way, I was excited about my trip, so off to San Juan I went. I had a fantastic time in Puerto Rico and reluctantly came back home to Fisayo and our dysfunction.
Cristian Escobar- unsplash.com
It's My Party & I Can Be Mad If I Want To
His birthday came around, and I worked my butt off to make sure he had a good time. I went grocery shopping, cooked and prepared for his beach party. He didn’t even as much as say thank you for all that I did for him that day. I went to his place the morning of his party and knocked on the door to let him know I had arrived. He came out raising his voice at me, asking why I was banging on the door? (now how's that for a welcome!) He was mad at me because I wasn’t acting excited to see him- but my dear how can I be when you were hostile toward me?
He came out of his room multiple times to turn down the volume of the music I was jamming to while I was cooking because he had “a headache.” For that one, himself and his room mate got into it, we were both rocking to Celine Dion (haha). He said he had made up his mind about me. He always looked for reasons to fight with me. I guess he had to hatch a plan to spend time with his other women. Fisayo had dealings with females from all walks of life. Black girls, white girls, African girls, Asian girls, Hispanic girls and the list was endless. He was always on the phone with women, he talked to them rudely on the phone, and I knew that in no time, I would be the one on the receiving end of his outrage.
He told me that he had many bitches and didn’t know which one to choose from. I know you may be wondering why I still stayed after such a degrading remark, I stayed because I was scared to be by myself, I hated being single. I wanted a man to make me feel special; God’s love wasn’t enough for me at the time. So I took whatever I could get as I did with the UK guy who rushed me off at the train station in Oxford, and the subsequent guys I had been with, in the past. I just needed someone to fill that void and Fisayo at this time was the one who was occupying the position. I was yet to discover his flings with different women. It was a vicious cycle, with me going out of town most times and coming back to his place to see female socks, bobby pins, strands of blonde hair, missing condoms, used condoms and so on. It was no surprise when I ended up with an std scare.
What do you do when you find out that you may have an std? Do you confront your partner? Do you run for cover? Do you hide in shame? Do you ask your friends for possible solutions? Or do you muster up courage and go to the hospital and get checked out? Better still what do you do when the blame is on you? Find out what happens next when Let’s Talk Series continues with “The Scare.”
Comment below if you’ve had similar experiences and let’s talk about it! Love you all for reading!
*The names, characters and locations in this story have been changed to protect the identity of those involved*