For someone, who has only had three serious relationships, I have always had a lot of men chase after me, in one way or the other. When I made it to Nigeria in 2012, I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone, let alone three people, but it happened, at my cousin's wedding and they were all his friends.
Image courtesy of Unsplash
So I met Shola at my cousin's wedding, and he was immediately smitten with me. He asked for my phone number, and never left my side during the nuptials. I wanted to be free and explore other options, but this guy was territorial. Although it didn’t stop me from noticing the best man, UK guy. UK guy was good looking and had a nice body. I wanted to speak to him, but Shola didn’t let me be great. So I forgot all about it and continued with Shola. Imagine my surprise and excitement when I spotted him the next day at my cousin’s house. “This is it,” I said to myself “make your move now!” So I walked up to him, talked to him for a little bit and asked for his BBM pin. We chatted for a short while and said our goodbyes.
Now Shola and I carried on with getting to know each other, while I was talking to UK guy as well. But the way Shola and I’s conversations were going, I just knew within me, that he was going to ask me for money. Thankfully he didn’t ask me the first time we spoke on the phone, but by the next day, he confirmed my fears. ‘Can you lend me 100k? My money is in a fixed deposit account, and I need to conclude on this deal real quick.’ My heart sank, I am a student for crying out loud, I don’t have that type of money, I replied to him. He said not to worry, that he would figure himself out. I continued entertaining him, and a week later, the money he was now asking for, increased to 120k.
Shola, what part of I am a student don’t you understand? I no get money. I answered angrily, with me thinking— God what kind of wahala is this? The third time, we were supposed to go on a date. He didn’t want to come get me from my aunt’s house, because he was scared they would see him (which should have been a red flag for me); remember he was friends with my cousin. He then told me to use a cab to meet him at the mall and withdraw 20K, while I was at it. You would think I will decide to stay home and call it quits, but I still went, without the 20K of course!
I got to him, and he didn’t even have the decency to pay for my cab (well what was I expecting, someone who asked me to withdraw money on my way, probably didn’t have any money, or didn’t want to spend his money on me). I joined him in his vehicle and off to ‘our date’ we went. He was barely speaking with me, and the traffic didn’t make the silent treatment any better.
It was about 12noon when I said: “The traffic is really bad.” He quickly joined in and said yea; it would be better for me to take you back home. There is no point going out anymore. I don’t want you to get back home late. I was in awe! Guy, you for just talk say you no get money to pay for our date, and you were banking on me giving you 20K. He hurriedly made a U-turn, and I was back home, less than an hour after I had left. And that was the end of the borrower’s chapter in my life.
I decided to focus squarely on the UK guy, (Fikayo) after I returned to the US. I enjoyed getting to know him. Fikayo was more matured than I was. He was 33, and I was 24. But I loved the fact that he was way older. It made me feel good that a 33-year-old was chasing after me. In my head, I felt we were dating, because of the type of conversations we had, and what he was saying to me. We chatted a lot on BBM, and talked on the phone a few times during the week. He talked about coming to visit me, and I was so happy.
But then he often came up with excuses as to why he couldn’t. I was tired of waiting and all the cock and bull stories. Then one day, I mustered up the courage to tell him I was going to apply for a UK visa. When my visa came out, Fikayo started acting up. He picked up random fights with me, and I just decided to make the trip about spending time with my family in the UK, than spending the entire trip with him. Yes! I still wanted to see him.
Me at the airport, waiting on my flight to the UK
When I got to Birmingham, he asked that I should spend one day with him in Oxford. My brother frowned at the idea, but I didn’t care. When the time came, I packed up my stuff and off to Oxford I went. Our meeting was awkward initially, but I loosened up as the day progressed. He got a hotel for us to spend the night, as his ‘mother and sister’ were in town. So after dinner and a movie, we went back to our hotel. Later on that night, he wanted to have sex, and I turned him down. Not because I was a Christian, but because of the fear that he would use and dump me. So I refused. And he flared up! ‘What is wrong with you?’ he asked angrily, do you think it’s gold you have between your legs? He said some other demeaning things, which I can’t remember, and then turned over to nurse his ego to sleep.
I burst into tears: how could he? —But how couldn’t he! He put up another woman’s picture on display for Valentine’s Day, but still, you gave it a chance, after he convinced you, she was his Ex! It is very good for you! (as we say in Nigeria). After my pep talk to myself, I went to sleep. Morning couldn’t come by any quicker. We had plans of spending the entire day together before my trip back to Birmingham, but he changed his mind. His friend had just come into town, and he needed to see him. So I had to be on the next thing smoking to my family.
On the intercity train ride, he revealed to me that I wasn’t sexually compatible with him. And a relationship with me wasn’t going to work out. You are a nice girl, he said. But I don’t see this heading anywhere. It took everything within me, not to start crying at that moment. On getting to the train station, he flared up on me again, for something that was entirely his fault.
I had to console myself: Omo, this wan get anger issues oh. Maybe, just maybe you dodged a bullet. There was a train leaving in five minutes, and another in 30. Fikayo rushed me on the one that was about taking off, and shoved my stuff inside the train, without saying good-bye. Ah! Just as the shortest scripture in the bible said ‘Jesus wept,’ I cried my eyes out! I wept on that 2-hour train ride back to Birmingham. The people around me must have thought someone had just died. With snort coming out of my nostrils, I kept wailing until I reached Birmingham. (I am such a crier).
When I got home, I didn’t want to speak to my brother or cousin. With my brother whispering to my cousin, saying: “this one Evi, isn’t in a good mood, maybe that guy she went to see, fell her hand.” Fikayo then went ahead to post a picture of him and his so-called ex again! The nerve! I was clearly in a situationship and got played, thank God I didn’t sleep with him — my second lesson.
Situationships is a 4-part series that covers my relationship journey before I met and fell for Fisayo, who I write about in Revisiting Ground Zero. This is the prelude to the main story (RGZ), and then there is the Mr. Perfect Series, that carries on after RGZ. Sit back and enjoy!
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.