13 Qualities Your Potential Spouse Should Possess Before You Say I Do
Remember when you were in high school and chemistry was one of those annoying courses you had to take? that was one of my worse subjects. Looking back, I wander why it was so hard for me. Okay in chemistry, in order for you to find out if a solution was acidic or basic, you carried out a litmus test where a red or blue litmus paper is inserted into a solution. If the blue litmus paper turned red during a test, then the solution was considered acidic. If a red litmus paper turned blue, then the solution was considered basic.
Today, I introduce a new test called The Titus 1 Test, (part one of The Titus Test) although not used to test for alkalinity or acidity in chemistry as a course, it is going to be used as a barometer to evaluate your relationships or potential relationships. Then you can decide for yourself if you should go ahead with an already budding relationship. I think it's worth the try.
When I think about this life-long commitment called marriage, I sometimes freak out. I am always in my head about if I will end up with the right person, if the person would be honest and open from the get-go, or if the person will become someone else later. Thanks to certain stories I’ve been privy to, I’m now like “God are you sure we are even meant to get married in this lifetime?” Men and women alike share their bizarre marriage stories from time to time, sometimes filled with regrets like, “I should have never married him” or "I curse the day I met her." Lately, I have been praying to God to give me the wisdom to choose the right person.
One day, I was reading through Titus 1 in the Bible and came across specific qualities a person who wants to become a bishop should possess. Now I am not saying we should all find ourselves bishops (If that’s your taste, kudos to you), but I found it very interesting and quickly realized that these are good qualities that Christian men, in general, should possess. I've always prayed for someone who will lead our home spiritually and who will be stronger than I am spiritually as well (because I still deal with some things) and will love me the way Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5).
As Christian women, we want God results when it comes to the men that we will one day marry, we want men who will cover us in prayer, love us unconditionally and so on. But are we willing to take our time to find out if that potential person carries out the qualities God has called men to carry? Before we jump into the next relationship, let’s evaluate The Titus 1 Test to find out if he has what it takes!
He should be Blameless
A man that you are willing to make a lifelong commitment with should be blameless. He shouldn’t be entangled in any kind of scandal or fraud. He should be trustworthy at work, a sincere man, and a truthful man. Now that doesn’t mean people don’t come with a past, but we should evaluate the person as whom they are now. Is he innocent?
He should be a Steward of God
A good steward is someone who takes care of the responsibility that is given to them. They take care of business and find ways to improve on what is entrusted with them (the parable of the talents). A steward of God is someone who takes care of God’s business. He is a man of God; God can trust him with kingdom things knowing that he will always take care of the responsibility He has entrusted him with. If God has an assignment for someone on earth, He can count on him. A steward of God, in a nutshell, is a trustworthy man. Is he loyal?
He is not self-willed
Your potential spouse should be selfless. Marriage has to do with a lot of sacrifices and compromise. Just ask those that are married, and they will be quick to back me up on this. The other person's need has to come first. Imagine for a second, a home where the husband and wife are selfless and put each other’s needs first (die to self), that house will be full of joy. A lot of marriages today suffer because each party is busy pursuing their agenda at the expense of their partner's. For them, It is about what I can get for myself. In order, for you to be fulfilled in your marriage or relationship, you have to go for someone who is willing to go to any length for you. Is he selfless?
He is not quick tempered
Ladies you cannot marry someone who is hot-tempered. You need peace in your home; you need to be able to come to your haven every day and be free and vulnerable. You should not be walking on eggshells around your partner. You and your potential spouse should be able to have healthy disagreements, without tempers flaring. You should get with someone who can control their anger, someone who is quick to forgive. Because in a marriage you will need a lot of forgiveness. Issues should be able to be resolved easily and amicably. Is he slow to anger?
He is not given to wine
This just means that alcohol does not control the man. We have heard stories of how people have drinking problems and how alcohol has destroyed homes. Some men become violent when they are drunk and commit all sorts of atrocities. It is wise for you to choose a potential partner who is not driven by alcohol. Is he sober?
He is not violent
I can't stress this point enough, we have heard of countless cases of domestic violence. Insecure men who often take out their frustrations on their partners. They don't know how to control their anger, and they beat up women, and sometimes end up killing them (hello Investigation Discovery). It often starts off as emotional abuse, and then it progresses to physical violence.
It is better for you to be single for the rest of your life than end up with a violent man. There is enough trouble in the world; that peace is needed in your home. A violent man has no conscience; he has no remorse, he is self-centered and self-seeking, it is all about him and how his partner can please him. Once his needs are not met, he takes it out on his partner. Stay away from such people; they are not worth your time and your life. Is he peaceful?
He is not greedy for money
When picking out a potential life partner, you need someone who isn't greedy for money. Someone who is greedy for money is willing to do anything for money. The person can steal, kill, kidnap, and get into all sorts of bad deals just to get money. The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil.
I don't believe that the Bible text lied here because the love of money often drives most crimes we hear about. Someone who is greedy for money is also stingy with money. You need someone who has a generous spirit, someone who is always willing to give. After infidelity, money is the second reason for most divorces according to research. To save yourself the unnecessary heartache, it is better for you to choose someone who is not greedy but generous. Is he generous?
He is Hospitable
Simply put, he is very caring. He is quick to find out why someone may be in a foul mood or a bad situation. He is always willing to help. This characteristic would go a long way. Is he a good Samaritan?
He is a lover of what is good
Just like the famous love scripture in the bible says about love, you need a partner who rejoices over what is right. Does he pursue good things; does he want to do well? Does he want to leave the world a better place than he found it? Does he love justice? Is he a good man?
He is sober-minded
This means he thinks clearly at all times. He doesn’t have a lot of clutter in his mind, and he can make wise decisions. Is he wise?
He is Just
He fights for justice, he is a good man, he is not partial, he does what is right, and he is an upright man. Is he righteous?
He is Holy/ Self-controlled
Youthful lusts do not drive him, he is pure, he is faithful to his partner, and he is not given to pornography or sexual immorality. He knows how to control his urges. I mean your potential spouse will always come across beautiful women every day. He can’t control how other women may dress around him, but he controls how he responds to what he comes across. Ladies, you need a righteous partner oh! You don't need a womanizer and an adulterer; you don’t need someone who will come home with diseases. You need a man, who will honor your marriage bed and your vows. Is he pure?
He holds fast to the faithful word he has been taught
The bible says we shouldn’t be hearers only but also doers of the word of God that is being preached to us. You need a man who holds God’s word with high esteem so he can apply it to his life and the life of those around him. Is he faithful?
In conclusion, as women, we need men who are spiritually discerned. Trust me I know it's exciting when you meet someone new to be easily carried away by the sweet nothings they spew out of their mouth every day and forget about what we should be paying attention to. Some men who claim to be Christians, don't really care about God or His ways. Countries that practice Christianity, (Nigeria to be precise) have morphed into a society where "religion" is something that women do. It is like men, you work for the money and take care of the home financially while women, you take the whole God thing seriously.
It has become a female responsibility to take care of the home spiritually. And it is prevalent in Christian communities which is sad. Because if you study the Muslims, you find out that the men are the spiritual leaders of their households. That is how God created it to be for His children. He made men leaders; he made men to take charge and direct the women to the life He has called both parties to live.
But I've found out in the one year I have been home in Nigeria, that churches are filled up with women, the spiritual responsibility of the home, have been left for the women to carry alone. Which is not meant to be so, couples should be able to worship together, pray together, cover each other in prayer, give together, serve together and create a life together. I pray that the men who come across this post will rise up and take responsibility, and become the young men of God; God has called them to be.
So ladies the next time a man comes into your life and starts whispering sweet nothings to you, before you make that leap (marriage), find out if he passes The Titus 1 Test, to say the least, it is something worth considering.
PS- Men The Titus 2 Test is available for you.
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