Updated: Sep 26, 2018
11 Qualities your potential spouse should possess before you say I Do
Men, remember I promised to do a write up for you as well? Women are not the only ones who should look out for great qualities in a spouse. This is the part 2 of The Titus Test (check out The Titus 1 Test, if you haven't done so, it contains qualities a woman should look out for in a man, before going ahead with a relationship.) One thing I have discovered from when I talk to guys about this whole relationship and marriage thing is that they want peace. They are often repulsed by a woman who gives a lot of trouble.
The bible even says in Proverbs 21:9 that it is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a quarrelsome woman. Even as a woman, I hate quarreling. It is honestly a waste of time and energy; if I see a conversation going left, I end it. Some may perceive that as weak, but what will both parties gain if they fight? In Titus 2, Paul addresses the older women in the church. He tells them to advise the younger ones on how to carry and behave themselves in their homes. This is what I now call The Titus 2 Test. In this passage of scripture, he is speaking about women who are already married, but I believe that these qualities can be developed while still single so that you can carry them along to your marriage.
A woman doesn’t automatically become marriage material when a man asks her to marry him; some qualities should have been developed as she matured. Men these are the things you should be looking out for, and I have also included some bonus points from Proverbs 31 (yea that famous passage of scripture). So Let’s Talk!
She should love her husband
Guys, you should look out for a woman who can love and sacrifice for someone else, other than herself. A woman who loves her husband will go to any length to keep her marriage intact. If she loves you, then she will respect you, she won't step out and run away with someone else, she will also become your greatest cheerleader. She will stay committed to the vows she made on the day you got married.
She should love her children
Guys ask yourselves this question, does the woman I am looking to get involved with love children? Will she be willing and able to care for children? There are a lot of women out there who don't want to have children for various reasons, some have children and don't want to have anything to do with them. So you have to evaluate your potential partner to see, if she loves kids and if she can take care of them.
She should be discreet
To be discreet means, to be careful and prudent in one's speech or actions, mainly to keep something confidential or to avoid embarrassment. You need to find out if she thinks before she speaks. Does her emotion lead her? Is she considerate about other people's feelings before she says something that could hurt them, even if she is in the right? Is she trustworthy? Can she keep a secret? You don't need a blabbermouth for a spouse; you need someone who is wise enough to know when to speak and when to be quiet.
She should be chaste
This means that she shouldn't engage in any extramarital affairs. Lately, I have been hearing stories of how women step out on their husbands and have all sorts of relationships. Some even get pregnant and pin it on their spouse. These days, it is not only men who are out there in these streets. With websites springing up with different platforms for married people to have an affair, which is wrong on every level, you need a woman who will honor and respect your marriage vows and bed. Find out what her thoughts are on sex outside of marriage, open relationships, cheating and you will get a good indicator of where her head is morally.
She should be a homemaker
The woman you want to end up with should be able to manage her home. Is she good with finances? Is she a good planner? Is she a hard worker? To take care of a home is a full-time job on its own; you need someone who you can trust to handle such responsibilities.
She should be obedient to her husband
Mutual respect is needed in a relationship for it to thrive. If you both keep butting heads, it is not going to work. Men thrive on respect, while women thrive on love. That is why the bible says in Ephesians 5 for men to love their wives the way Christ loves the church and sacrificed His life for it and it goes ahead to say that women should be submissive to their husbands. Of course not in a degrading way. You need to know if the woman you are considering will always insist in her way, or if she trusts you enough to listen to you and follow your leadership.
“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is a gift from the Lord.”
Bonus Points from Proverbs 31
I know when people hear of the Proverbs 31 woman, they often clench their teeth; how can one woman be so perfect? I was one of those who used to think that way. I never thought that the qualities of this woman were attainable. But having grown and matured into the woman of God, I am today; I can tell you that the Proverbs 31 woman, is just a woman who has a good head on her shoulders. She is intentional about the life that she is living, and she is not taking the gifts God has given her, for granted. Okay, fellas let's see if you agree that you also need these qualities in a potential spouse.
“She extends her hands to be poor; yes she reaches out her hands to the needy.” Vs. 20
If you read the bible well enough, you will discover that God has a heart for the needy, in fact, one passage of scripture says that if you want to be rich towards God, then you have to take care of those in need. There are people out there who can't fend for themselves, and God has blessed the believer to be able to extend their hands to those in need. Now guys, if you want to live out this Christian life, you have to care for others and have compassion towards them genuinely. That means that you need a lady by your side, who will go on this ride with you, rather than pull you away from it. Is she compassionate?
“She opens her mouth with wisdom and her tongue is the law of kindness.” Vs. 26
Whenever you hear your potential spouse/partner speak, does wisdom flow from within her? What kind of conversations are you having? Are they conversations that leave you liberated after you are done talking with her? Does the conversation challenge you to do better? Is she gracious when she speaks? You have to look out for these things. Is she wise?
“She does not eat the bread of idleness.” Vs.27
The woman you are considering for a relationship and marriage must be a woman who is busy with the things God has called her to do in that season. An idle woman is a codependent woman. She will always seek you for validation, she will be needy, and she will get upset easily when the attention is not her.
A relationship with such a person is not a healthy relationship, it will always leave you drained, and then you begin to resent each other. Let the woman be so busy with her life that she will have to be intentional about her time with you because it is precious. A woman who knows what she has been called to do is a confident woman, and that is the kind of woman you need. Is she driven?
"Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates." Vs.31
She should be a hard and smart worker so much so that her work speaks for her, and she deserves all the rewards for her labor. Such a woman will bring pride and honor to your home. Is she hard working?
So guys the next time you are considering a possible relationship with a woman, especially the Christian men, you should find out if she possesses these qualities. Don't be led by your eyes only, take your time and make use of the "getting to know each other" period very effectively. A lot of people jump into relationships and even marriages because of all the initial excitement it comes with, and that union most times, come crashing down.
My advice is for you to take your time, get to know each other well, listen carefully to what the person is saying and build a long-lasting foundation that will stand the test of time. And the excitement will still be there. I know no one is perfect, we all have our flaws, and we should be willing to work on them, that is the most important part. I will end with this quote also from Proverbs 31
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, shall be praised."
Who is going to try The Titus 2 Test? Will you come back here and let us know how well it worked for you? You can also email us at email@example.com. And ladies will you go through these qualities and see what areas you need to step up? Or are all these qualities unattainable? Let me know your thoughts as well on this matter. Thank you all for reading! Until next time, xoxo.
Ps. Ladies you can check out The Titus 1 Test if you haven't done so.