Think Friendship First

Updated: Sep 27, 2019

Most times we want something to happen and happen quickly. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Now if you are a Christian, like real Christian oh, who wants to please God and all of that good stuff, mostly when you are looking to get into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, your mind is usually bent on marriage. You are not dating just to date, but you are dating with the possibility of getting married one day. Although a good mindset to have, it places unnecessary pressure on both parties. When you are supposed to enjoy getting to know someone, and just forge a friendship with them, your mind is all wrapped up in are they the one, or are they not the one; especially women; think friendship first.

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Guys correct me if I’m wrong; I doubt when you try to interact with women that your first train of thought is marriage; they are probably just thinking — I think this girl is cool, I like her, let me see what else is there. But for women, as soon as a guy (the one we probably fancy) says hi to us, we have already planned our wedding day and had three kids, why is it so? Now when that person doesn’t measure up or falls short of our unrealistic expectation, we are quick to get upset, and cancel them out, saying—they are not the one, and then miss out on a possible friendship of a lifetime.

We need to learn how to view someone as a friend first. Just because a guy said hello to you, or seems interested, doesn’t mean that they want to spend the rest of their life with you, and maybe if you even got to know them for who they really were, you wouldn’t see yourself walking down the aisle to this person.

Someone showing some interest in you, or you both liking each other, should be the key that unlocks the door, to get to know yourselves on a friendship level. Not on an exclusive level, not on a dating level, until you guys get to know each other enough, and are comfortable to take things to the next level, or until someone makes their intentions clear enough.

Related Article: Friendships & Relationships

Sometimes, when we open up ourselves to friendships with guys, especially if we are attracted to them, we tend to develop feelings quickly. But we must always ask ourselves these questions—what is it about this person that I like? Okay, okay, he is all that and a bag of chips, but do I actually see myself with this person? Do our values align, and is there a future in this? Or am I just lonely, and trying to fill a void? Or am I just being anxious?

A friend of mine told me this a couple of months ago, she said—“Evi, you must not view every guy you come across as a potential partner; treat him like a friend, first.”

Her words stirred me in a different direction, because most times, when I came across men, especially after going through my learning process, I mostly always thought, committed relationships, right off the bat. I did not give the friendship a chance to blossom, and even see if they were someone I wanted to be with. I set up high expectations, and when they did not meet them, I blamed everyone, including me, but not for the reason of rushing ahead of myself.

Now when we don’t take the time out, to learn someone, we often find ourselves in the wrong relationships. We jump in before finding out if they love God or nah, or have a stank attitude. Then somewhere in the middle of the relationship, we start discovering things and be like—if I had known, this guy should have never made it past an acquaintance.

There are things that we should be discovering about people on a friendship level, like if they love God, or if they are kindhearted, and if their revelations, make us uncomfortable, then we know this is nothing more than a platonic relationship, and then you know the necessary adjustments to make, so you don’t give off the wrong vibes, leading on the other party involved.

Don’t go ahead and make assumptions in your head, until someone clearly communicates their intentions towards you, until that happens, treat it as a friendship, first.

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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.

Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.

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