Written by Evi Idoghor, Creator of Letstalknationblog.com
It has been said that our parents, mostly those of the African culture remained in relationships, and even marriages, longer than they should have. The people of that generation have been mocked, ridiculed, and scoffed at, because they did what many are not bold enough to do today—staying the course, no matter what. Back in the day, most people did not know what happened in the next person’s relationship or marriage.
Things were kept private and dealt with behind closed doors. Although that came with its fair share of challenges and disadvantages, because life is laced with ebbs and flows, it seemed that relationships lasted a whole lot longer than what we are experiencing today.
We have let logic overtake our minds, refusing to be vulnerable with this thing called love; no, we have become too smart for it. Love is for those who have no ambition in life. In fact, who needs love? Who needs the safety net of a relationship, when we can hook-up and break-up as we please? When we can swipe left or right, picking and choosing what our appetites crave for that day?
Who needs the wahala and complications which come with loving someone else unconditionally, when we can remain in our bubble, living our lives like though others didn’t exist? These are in fact, the reasons why modern-day relationships are failing so easily. People in their 20s and 30s are finding it increasingly difficult to find their forever person in such a selfish world— once boy meets girl and all the excitement ensues, for some reason, the other shoe tends to drop within a matter of weeks, if not days.
Why is this so? This is not the romance Hollywood has sold us for years! In the Notebook, the couple stays together until they are old and grey. In the Titanic, he gives his life for her because he cannot bear to see her freeze to death. In Me Before You, even after his death, he ensures that she is left with a boatload of money so she never lacks anything for a lifetime.
Why then are modern-day relationships ending so rapidly? Well you asked, and we listened, here are some reasons why:
1) Inconsistency: this is a personal pet peeve of mine. Most times a relationship begins alright, then things start to go awry. One party doesn’t put in as much effort any longer to ensure that the relationship is sustainable. They call when they feel like, and hide away when they are not in the mood to entertain their partner.
Today they love bomb you, and tomorrow they are nowhere to be found, hidden in plain sight. This confusion or yo-yo behavior can do a number on a person’s psyche. Inconsistency within a relationship can show up in areas of communication, love, and commitment. Such a behavior communicates that the other party isn’t important and valued, which drives them off the deep end and causes the relationship to come to a halt.
2) Differing Values: many people make the mistake of agreeing to be in a relationship with someone whose values differ from theirs. They think it wouldn’t cause any issues initially until it does. Value systems are one of the most difficult things to change in a person. Don’t enter into a relationship with someone you don’t share the same values with because this can contribute to the demise of a relationship.
3) Different Expectations: a difference in what both parties expect from a relationship is also another reason modern-day relationships keep taking a hit. Millennials tend to rush into relationships without first discovering what their partner expects out of a relationship. If you expect him to call you every day, and take you out every week, and fail to communicate that to him early enough, then when he falls short (according to your standards), a crack begins to form in the relationship, and in no time, it will just take one small mishap to cause the whole thing to shatter.
4) Lack of Intimacy: Living in the social media era, hasn’t made being vulnerable in relationships any easier, especially for people dating in 2020. Everyone tends to put out a perception of who they are, to garner likes, comments, and followers. They do not know when to turn off that persona and be real with those they are in a relationship with. They don’t share the most intimate parts of their hearts with their partners, and as such the relationship feels more like a chore than something that is meant to be cultivated and experience growth, through shared life experiences. In no time, the one who desires more intimacy leaves to find someone who will be more open and vulnerable with them.
5) Easy Access: ever heard this saying—why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free? If you are letting your partner access parts of you that should be reserved for marriage, such as sex, doing so can cause the relationship to end. This is because there is nothing more to look forward to; all of a sudden you both are not as intriguing, mysterious, and exciting to be with, because you have exposed all of you, to someone who isn’t your spouse. And as such, when there is nothing else to discover about a person, the relationship slowly fizzles out. Thank you, next!
6) Low Tolerance: I am all for women and men empowerment, and for people to know that they are worth far more than rubies. But our generation is one that will rather walk away from a problem than go through the process of working on the issue at hand. When a couple goes through difficult times together, they are able to emerge stronger, build trust, and last longer, than if they decided to walk away once a problem arose.
Couples need to learn how to be more tolerant towards each other and also forgiving such traits modern-day relationships lack. People are quick to move on to the next thing smoking, stating—I don’t need you! I can get another, or me, myself and I! Now, this is not talking about abusive or toxic situations, by all means, please leave. But if it’s a situation that can be worked on amicably, then you shouldn’t throw in the towel. The grass might not be greener on the other side.
For modern-day relationships to begin working and lasting a lifetime, people have to do away with all childishness, games, and unrealistic expectations. Rather, they should grow up. Relationships; committed relationships are for those who are ready to be faithful to someone else, and build a life with them.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, content creator, and a graduate of chemical engineering from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform in 2018 to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations with one goal in mind—to redefine status quo.
Having spent a great part of her formative years in the US where she lived for about 11 years and got to explore what the beautiful country offers by traveling around its coasts, most of her writings have been influenced by her time spent in America. In addition to that, she has worked and partnered with writing agencies and individuals to bring their stories to life.