Breakups are hard to deal with, but moving forward can prove even harder. How then can we overcome this age-old epidemic?
Who else has heard this myth—to get over a man/woman, is to get under a new one? Breaking up sucks! It hits you like a ton of bricks. The world around you all of a sudden seems so dark, with no hope of a possible ray of sunlight. As adults, most of us would have experienced some type of heartbreak or disappointment from a partner. People often spend months and months, brooding over the loss of love, depending on the longevity of the broken relationship.
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Some people become cold because of what others have done to them, others become closed off, and swear that they will never love again, or some may turn to vices that prove dangerous, all in an attempt to get over a significant other. How then can we move on, and possibly wish the people who did us wrong, well? Today I am going to share how I get over lost loves and open up myself to the possibility of loving again, and it is not by getting under a new one.
The first point is to come to the realization that this other person isn’t the end all be all of your love life. There are about 7 billion people on this planet; surely there will be somebody else you would find more attractive, more interesting, and more loving than the one you left behind.
Secondly, delete their number and all forms of communication you have with them if you are the type that will keep going back to see what they are up to. If you keep going back, you won't be able to move forward. I am the kind of person that quits people cold turkey, once I have made up my mind to do so. If you left the relationship for a good reason, then there is no need going back to see if things have changed or improved. Just move forward and make room for a future partner.
My third point is to give it time. We often underestimate the power of time; give yourself time to heal, give yourself time to think and give yourself time before you jump into another relationship. Time is of the essence. There is always something we can learn from our past relationships, make sure you take your time to grab those lessons, so you know how to navigate the next relationship appropriately.
"The solution for a heartbreak is not to jump into another relationship."
Number four; there is a time to grieve and talk about them all you want to your family and friends, and there is also a time for you to stop speaking about them. If you keep speaking about them, you are not giving yourself the room for something new to come into your life. Your mind is still wrapped up with—what they did and what they didn’t do, and what you should have done, the shoulda woulda coulda’s so to speak (those are the hardest to deal with).
After a break up I experienced, I killed myself with thoughts of; what if I had done this? What if I didn’t say that when I did? What if I didn’t turn off my phone, so he could reach me when he called? Maybe things would have been different! Should I have called him back almost immediately after I saw his message? Then I had to snap myself out of it, telling my mind that I did all that I knew how to do in those moments, and what is meant to be will be.
The last point I will like to share with you guys today is prayer. If you are a Christian, then you know how important prayer is to your life, and should definitely be applied when you are going through difficult times. Thank God for whatever has happened, and pray that He helps you get through it. I remember when I got out of a bad relationship, and how I clung to God in those moments.
I wrestled with the thoughts of going back many times, and things got worse with each attempt to return to my ex, so I came to the resolve that; God didn’t want me to be with this person any longer. Then I moved on, but by holding onto every word of God, through reading my bible and prayer, so I could gain strength to move forward. In that season I got closer to God than I had ever been. And now I look back and ask myself—what was it about that person that you wanted to kill yourself over? Or like we Nigerians like to say—that you wanted to die on top his matter? (Ha-ha).
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Fact is, in those moments of feeling heartbroken and distraught, that person who pulled the rug from underneath you, may seem like the only person for you in the world. And you may think that it doesn’t get any better than that, and that is a lie. Truth is, you will find someone who will click better with you, who will have similar interests with you, who will make you feel like you are the best thing that ever happened to them since sliced bread (I know, I love my food), or who will basically treat you the way you long to be treated.
So don’t be afraid, to take that leap of faith, don’t look back, because no one has ever gone forward with constantly looking back, and trust God that He has a bigger, brighter, and better love for you! You are not in this alone.
Who else enjoyed this short post? Who else is going to put on their big girl panties or big boy boxers (I wonder if there is an expression like that) and move forward with their lives after a breakup? Remember to comment, like, share & subscribe to never miss an update on Let's Talk nation.
This article can also be found on Thrive Global