What was I supposed to tell my friends? And everyone else whom I had sent our pictures to? My family? Oh my goodness! This can't be happening, this is embarrassing. Two weeks? After sleeping with you? Those were the thoughts lingering in my mind; I was devastated at the time. I can’t remember if I tried to talk him out of his decision right at that moment, but after I got off Skype, I spent the night crying.
Image courtesy of Pexels
The next day I reached out to two of my crazy friends— Stacey and Naomi. They came over the next day and tried to figure out what went wrong. They were embarrassed for me. How can you face everyone you have told about this relationship, they asked? Then they advised me to talk to him and also pray about it. Prayer; it’s funny how Christians who know a situation is wrong for them, keep praying for God to somehow perform magic, to turn the whole mess around. If it wasn’t God’s mess to begin with, He is not going to fix it, no matter how hard you pray.
Read Part 2 Here
Fisayo had consumed my prayer life at the time. My conversations with God were mostly about how I wanted him to excel at what he did, how I wanted him to draw closer to Christ, and how I wanted us to end up being together forever. I prayed fervently for God to bring us back together, like Priscilla Shirer portrayed in the movie War Room, after she suspected that her husband might be cheating on her. I wanted my life with Fisayo back desperately!
We eventually had a conversation about the so-called breakup. This, by the way, was one of three of our breakups. He said he was going to be busy with work and wouldn’t have time for me, and if I was okay with that, then we could get back into a relationship.
I agreed, I mean to be in a relationship where you are promised slim to none chances of attention, is better than telling the whole world that you were dumped after two weeks abi? So we continued in our dysfunctional relationship. After we got back together, he said I needed to improve my skills in the bedroom. He was bored and wanted some adventure. He asked me to talk to my friends and see if they could help me out but later changed his mind because he didn’t want his business out there.
I still went ahead and asked my friends for advice, and they gave me all sorts including buying lingerie and setting up a romantic ambiance anytime we wanted to be intimate. I took their advice to heart and off to shopping for lingerie I went. I got all sorts of lingerie, candles and rose petals. A trip to Puerto Rico was underway; my friend was getting married and the girls planned a weekend getaway as part of the wedding festivities.
So I needed to spend as much time with him before I left. The night before the trip, I went to see a movie with a few of my friends. Myself and Lola happened to live in the same apartment complex, so we rode back home together. I was rushing to go home since he told me he was coming over and almost ran a red light. Lola now said, “Please don’t go to his house tonight, since you are already driving like this, let him be the one to come over.”
To which I responded, ‘I am not going over to his place, he is the one coming over.’ She said ‘good.’ That wasn’t the first time she had given me unsolicited advice concerning my relationship with Fisayo. There was a time I was over at her apartment, and she said “I met some of the guys who came from Nigeria for training, I like Stacey’s guy, but I’m not sure about your man.
I haven’t gotten the time to spend with him, but don’t rush into anything physical with him yet. Try building your friendship with him first before you go physical, because being physical with a guy too early in a relationship messes things up.” And she threw in something about God and the Holy Spirit into the mix. I could care less about what she was saying at the time, what consumed my mind was how I was going to hold the relationship between Fisayo and I together.
So much load for a 25 year-old to carry right? Anyway, I got home that night after the movies and was excited that my man was coming over. I was prepared to have a good time with him before I went on my girl’s trip to San Juan. It took me a while to light up all the candles for some reason; I think I had to go out to get a new lighter. It was raining heavily that night, and I still went out in the rain; talk about dedication.
After I lit the candles, I made my bed put rose petals on it and waited for Fisayo to appear. I waited and waited, and waited for him to come. I called him several times that night with no response. Out of annoyance, I turned off all the candles and cleaned off all the rose petals from my bed unto the floor and slept off crying. At about 3 am, he called me and gave his usual excuse of having to work late that night, and the weather being also bad, so he had a good reason for not showing up on time.
He then came over, not knowing all I had planned, stayed till about 6 am and left. He told me to have fun in Puerto Rico, and I’m like “am I not going to speak to you again?” I mean my flight wasn’t until the next day as me and some of my friends were going to make a trip to Houston to catch a flight to San Juan. But he was already telling me to have fun, like I was about to board the plane. Did I feel fulfilled after he left that day? No. I was in a relationship but felt so alone. It seemed like everybody’s relationship was working out except for mine.
Why did I always have to be the odd one out? Why couldn’t I lock down a reasonable lad? Either way, I was excited about my trip, so off to San Juan I went. I had a fantastic time in Puerto Rico and reluctantly came back home to Fisayo and our dysfunction. The first time I travelled while in a relationship with him, I could not wait to get back home to him, now I was reluctant; I could use some more time in PR.
It's My Party & I Can Be Mad If I Want To
His birthday came around, and I worked my butt off to make sure he had a good time. I went grocery shopping, cooked and prepared for his beach party. He didn’t even say thank you for all that I did for him that day. I went to his place the morning of his party and knocked on the door to let him know I had arrived. He came out shouting at me, asking why I was banging on the door.
He angrily went back into his room, and later revealed he was mad at me because I wasn’t acting excited to see him. He came out of his room multiple times to turn down the volume of the music I was jamming to while cooking because he had “a headache.” For that one, himself and his roommate got into it, we were both rocking to old school Celine Dion. I still sucked it up and finished cooking, and we headed out to the beach, with no appreciation from him.
Instead he said to me—“I have made up my mind about you.” He said this in a weird tone, and I knew it wasn’t anything good. Fisayo wanted me to be someone who I was not. He wanted me to kiss him spontaneously in public, he wanted me to always compliment him, even if his dress sense was wack, he wanted me to initiate sex, even if I felt guilty as hell to be having sex with him outside of marriage.
We had a good time at the party, because we were in public, and then we left back to his place, later that night. After spending some time with me, he said he had to go to the city, where I lived, which was about 30 minutes away from his city, to tutor some guys. Fisayo would leave me randomly on weekends to spend time with people I did not know, but I always let him be. It was either he told me calmly, or he picked a fight with me, and then headed out to wherever he went.
He looked for reasons to fight with me; there was a night when an ex-situationship partner, texted me saying he wanted to come over to my house to watch soccer, after work. I showed the message to Fisayo and he flipped; he accused me of having relations with the guy, he said he couldn’t trust me, and I was messing around. I quickly replied the guy saying he couldn’t come to my house, because my boyfriend would be upset about it, and he just laughed and said no problem.
His random fights were picked because he had to hatch a plan to spend time with his other women. Fisayo had dealings with females from all walks of life. Black girls, white girls, African girls, Asian girls, Hispanic girls and the list was endless. He was always on the phone with women, he talked to them rudely on the phone, and I knew that in no time, I would be the one on the receiving end of his outrage. He told me that he had many bitches and did not know which one to choose from. I know you may be wondering why I still stayed after such a degrading remark.
I stayed because I was scared to be by myself, I hated being single. I wanted a man to make me feel special; God’s love wasn’t enough for me at the time. So I took whatever I could get as I did with the UK guy who rushed me off at the train station in Oxford, and the subsequent guys I had been with, in the past. I just needed someone to fill that void and Fisayo at that time was the one who was occupying the position.
I was yet to discover his flings with different women. It was a vicious cycle, with me going out of town most times and coming back to his place to see female socks, bobby pins, strands of blonde hair, missing condoms, used condoms and so on. It was no surprise when I ended up with an STI (sexually transmitted infection).
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Continue to Part 4 Here
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.