The Girl Who Didn't Like to Be Alone
I returned to my little city, heartbroken and distraught. ‘I keep failing at this attempt to be in a relationship, did my college boyfriend place a curse on me for breaking his heart?’ I thought to myself. Not too long after that, I went to my millionaire matchmaker aka, Tosin. Tosin do you have any guy for me? Hook me up na! I always disturbed her. I was a sucker for love; I didn’t like being alone.
One day, she responded with some hope: ‘actually I have a guy oh, his name is Peter, he is an engineer, and he shuttles between Houston and Denver.’ Sure! Hook me up! I was excited about this opportunity, the guy was fine, and I couldn’t wait for the day that he would call me. At that time, all it took for a guy to get me was his looks, and job, we could talk about God later.
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The day finally arrived, and my phone lighted up with a text from Peter. ‘Hey, Tosin gave me your number, and I was wondering when it was a good time for us to talk.’ I replied immediately, saying he could call me in a few hours. We talked for hours when he called that day, he told me how many siblings he had, what he did at his job, where he was from, and I was happy to open up to him as well. He then proceeded to call me on Skype. We talked some more, and we said our good-byes. He texted me later on that night, saying he enjoyed speaking with me. Finally, I thought I had landed Mr. Perfect, but that wasn’t the case with this one.
The next day I was excited to get up, to continue from where we left off, and there was no message or phone call from him all day. I began to panic, “had he changed his mind? Didn’t he think I was beautiful? Were the conversations boring? But we spoke for hours now!’ as these thoughts plagued my mind all day, I came off my high horse and decided to call him. His excuse for not calling me was that he had already told me everything about himself. I was surprised! ‘So you told me about your 27 years on earth, in just eight hours? You must be a boring person.’ I answered back to him. Then the usual games started, you know how they usually do now, they will claim they are interested in you and not call or text you consistently. Then you on the receiving end will try to keep what is already dead, alive.
But I held out hope; there could be some future to this. He had been inviting me to come over to Denver, but I declined his offer. When he was eventually back home to Houston, I agreed to take a trip there, for a chance for two of us to finally meet. Tosin helped me get ready for my date that night, and I took a picture and sent it to all my friends. We drove around, looking for a perfect place to grab dinner. We eventually settled at a nice location and talked a little bit. He was already putting his arms around my waist and acting like he was my boyfriend. It felt good at the time; I had no boundaries.
Ready for my date with Peter
After our chill date, he took me back to Tosin’s place and began to kiss me in the car, with his hands, going to places it shouldn’t be going. I stopped him and got out of the vehicle. Although I told Tosin I had a good time, I did actually because then again no boundaries. If I knew the importance of boundaries at the time, I wouldn’t have gone down the road I did with him. After our date, there were no calls from him. I forced everything, and kept the intimate details of our situationship, away from my friends.
The Destructive Pattern
Our situationship worked out like this: whenever we were both in Houston, he would call me to hang out; I would get all excited because I am going to see my man right? He will then proceed to book a motel for about two hours, we will be intimate, and that will be it until we meet again. After each encounter with him, I was broken; I felt like a prostitute, I felt used. Anytime I tried to get his attention after that, he came up with excuses or flat out ignored me.
Of course, my self-esteem was beyond a zero; it had started hitting the negatives. But you are better than this; I will often say to myself. What is it about this guy, who never respected you enough to take you to his home that you still wanted to be with him? Is this how people become wives? You need to cut it out! Then I started ignoring his calls and messages; I realized that I no longer wanted a part in the mess he was offering me, and needed a new start. That was the end of Peter’s journey, or so I thought.
It was one long boring summer that year, no guys to call or take me out on dates, no one to fall asleep on the phone with, people were getting engaged, left, right and center, and I was all alone. On one of my numerous visits to Tosin’s house, I met Jidenna at her apartment. Remember Jidenna? That razz guy, the one who only spoke broken English. He said to me ‘this my wife that fashied (abandoned) me.’ And proceeded to ask if I still used the same number. A mutual friend of ours tried to talk me into dating him, but I just couldn’t. He promised Jidenna was a nice guy and would take care of me. Although Jidenna wasn’t looking to play around, I still wasn’t interested. I was not attracted to him and couldn’t stand his broken English habit.
Then one day my friend advised me; ‘you never know what will come out of this if you don’t give it a shot.’ So I decided to open myself up to Jidenna. I started feeling jittery about Jidenna who I didn’t care about initially. With each passing conversation, we grew closer. Then one day he invited me to his home in New Orleans, I was excited to go, as I believed this was it for me, finally. He respected me, called me all the time and treated me with care. We had an amazing day the first day, and I was able to decline his offers for sex, successfully (thank God). Whenever he left for work, he called countless times to make sure I was okay. Telling me where everything was in his house, just in case I needed anything.
After a few days, we were intimate, and his true colors came out. He left for work and didn’t call me at all, as he did in the beginning. He then returned from work, didn’t find me at his place, and did not care enough to call, to find out where I was. My heart was slowly breaking once again; I could feel the growing distance between us. I didn’t know why I let him into an intimate part of me; I thought that he was a good one, finally. Then at that moment, I understood why God said to keep our legs closed until we are married—My third Lesson.
Situationships is a 4-part series that will be released weekly on this platform, which covers my relationship journey before I met and fell for Fisayo, who I wrote about in the Revisiting Ground Zero Series .This is the prelude to the main story in (RGZ), and then there is the Mr. Perfect Series , that carries on after RGZ. Sit back and enjoy!
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.