Ever remember the feeling of meeting someone new? Just like going on a blind date, you can't help but anticipate what the person will look or be like. Will they be kind or generous? Are they attractive? What if they have bad breath? (I wouldn't wish that on anyone) Even more interesting is when you don't expect to meet someone, and then it happens. All the giddiness and excitement! Especially if that person shows some interest in you as well, then you are on top of the world.
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Well here is the gist of what happened. In 2014 after I had left all my situationship wahala behind, I met Fisayo at my friend’s birthday party. We had convinced Eileen to throw a party for her birthday because we needed an escape from our not so fun reality in the small city of Waco, Texas, so a party was ideal. As such we started planning, sent out invitations to our friends who lived out of town and got excited when the RSVP's started rolling in. We just had one issue, no guys.
I mean we had our regular guy friends, but we wanted new faces. To solve our dilemma, another friend said she knew of some guys who were on training from Nigeria and suggested we invite them and we did. The night of the party came, and our friends from out of town had arrived. I got to the venue and noticed some guys standing outside a car on the other side of the rear gate.
The way the back gate works is that you can go out through it, but you can’t come in. While everyone parked their cars and headed to the venue, I got out of my car and asked the guys if they were here for the party, and they said yes. I drove up to the gate to let them in. In the process, they occupied my parking spot, and I had to find somewhere else to park.
Boy Meets Girl
After they came in, they all walked up to me with Fisayo leading the pack saying—“thank you for opening the gate for us.” We made our way to the venue, and most girls were wondering who Fisayo was, I was thinking – Ladies back off, he is mine for keeps. One of my guy friends ran up to me saying “see fine boy oh! Better shoot your shot” Imagine my delight when Mr. TDH (Fisayo) asked me to dance with him and also for my number.
I was doing backflips in my mind. Most guys I got involved with except for my high school and college boyfriend were through other people’s hook ups. I was delighted for once that a good looking guy approached me and also wanted my number. I was looking forward to hearing from Fisayo after the party had ended. He texted me later that night, asking if I could hang out with him the next day which was Sunday at his house, but I declined. I didn’t want to seem too easy.
Sunday came, and we texted back and forth for a little bit. On Monday, he invited me over to his house again, this time I accepted the invite. We had good conversations, which centered around relationships and getting to know each other’s personalities. After our two hours of hanging out, he walked me to my car and even stole a kiss before I left. I went back home feeling great about that day. The butterflies in my stomach were innumerable, as I thought about our “date” on the 30- minute drive back home. I was in heaven, but was about to embark on a journey through hell which opened my eyes to how I view relationships now.
You know that feeling you get on the inside when you know you are about to make a wrong decision? I had the feeling plague me for days. It was as if I shouldn't continue the budding relationship with Fisayo. I was in a community group gathering at my church that week, when the leader spoke about how we shouldn't rush ahead of God to take individual decisions and how we should seek Him first. In my hearts of hearts, I knew the message was for me, but I wasn’t going to give up this opportunity to be in a relationship with Fisayo. You see I am a Christian and I love God. But back then I think for me, being in a relationship with someone was more important even if it was at the expense of my relationship with God. So I didn't care although God tried to warn me.
The conversations between myself and Fisayo where kind of on and off; like Nepa, bring light today, take it without warning for the next couple of hours, bring it back and then disappear for days. Still I was smitten with the bread crumbs he was throwing at me. I happened to be traveling to the UK again during that week after we met, but this time to see my brother. I was sad to leave Fisayo behind. I didn’t feel like going on the trip anymore.
The thought of leaving Fisayo for a whole week was crushing for me, and we just met oh! Can you imagine? The day before I left for Birmingham, Fisayo had promised to see me. I was supposed to go to Dallas a day before my trip since my flight was out Dallas Forth worth, but I changed my mind to leave early on the day of my trip, just because I wanted to spend some more time with Fisayo before I left.
Fisayo didn’t show up to my house until about midnight, crazy right? This time around we talked a little more in-depth about what we expected from a relationship say we decided to start dating. In our conversation, I had mentioned that the UK guy had tendencies to be controlling because of how he treated me at the train station.
Fisayo now said he was somewhat controlling and gave some explanation as to why he was, and I let it roll off my shoulder. After a long conversation that night he asked me to be his girlfriend precisely one week after I met him, well six days. Yes, it was so fast, now I wouldn't even try that. That was such a risk. Especially with the lack of communication, but I was excited anyway.
Just in case you were wondering, of course, I said yes! We were both happy; the last time someone had asked me to be in a relationship with them was eight years before that. I had a lot of situationships but no real commitment. He slept over at my house that night; morning couldn't come soon enough so I could reveal to my friends that I had boo’d up. So imagine the phone calls I had to make to everyone. I had all the time in the world because I was going to drive two hours to the airport to make my flight. Fisayo said he hated goodbyes and insisted I call him every half hour until I got to my destination.
A friend of mine's little cousin rode with me; I felt so sorry for him that he had to listen to me tell my romantic story over and over again plus pausing in between to call Fisayo to inform him of my whereabouts. In my mind I felt Fisayo was so intentional, he knew what he wanted and went for it. But sometimes brokenness attracts brokenness.
What we may be thinking is a gift from God, actually has nothing to do with God in the first place. Because God warned me, I felt in my spirit that I wasn’t supposed to embark on this journey, but I did anyway. When I got to Birmingham, everyone heard about Fisayo. I told my cousins to come up with a pet name that I could call him. I was in love with the possibility of what could be.
Wahala Dey Oh!
During my trip, I felt very distant from Fisayo. He promised to call on Skype but he didn't, and when I called, there was not much to say. I brushed it off as time difference, he had to work and other excuses I could tell myself. Finally, the time to go back home came around, and I could not wait to get on the plane. My brother was not too thrilled with my behavior because even if I was there physically with him, it was as if I wasn't there. I went back to Waco, and on the very day I got in, I hurried off to see him. We went out to dinner and came back to his place, and we were intimate that night for the first time. I was not proud of sleeping with him, but
I did not care as much as well. I knew that to be in a relationship with Fisayo; I had to be willing to give up myself for the “greater good” of the relationship. I knew somehow that if sex wasn't a part of our life together, he was going to leave me. For a breakup not to happen, I had to be willing to do any and everything to please Fisayo. It’s not like he was vocal about it initially, it was something that was a no-brainer.
We need to talk
This phrase is something people don’t like to hear, especially when in a relationship. People start thinking; did I do something wrong? Have I gained weight? Maybe something is missing in the relationship that I don’t know about. These were not my thoughts exactly; I was the one who made the phone call to Fisayo saying we needed to talk. Things were going wrong, and I just wanted to know where the relationship was going.
Fisayo then saw it as an opportunity for a way out. Yes! He broke up with me only two weeks after I agreed to make things official with him. I didn’t expect the conversation to go all the way left, but it did; I was in shock. I felt like the girls on the show—The Bachelor, who the bachelor eliminated after professing love to them a few days before a rose ceremony. That was how our roller coaster of a relationship began. With countless tears and seasonal breakups to other women making their debut as we went along the way, it was an experience.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.