I never thought I would find myself in that situation; sexually transmitted disease, was something I learned about in biology class or watched in movies or read about on blogs. I never thought that I would one day worry if I was clean or not. Dating Fisayo came with a lot of mess. It was like walking on eggshells all the time. I did not know what mood I was going to catch him in, each time. Would he be happy, mad or sad? Will he go off on me about something I did or didn’t do? I held on to whatever was left in our relationship, just to say I had a boyfriend. I was living in fear and needed to break out of the relationship.
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One day, he called me while I was at Stacey’s house and said that I should go to a secluded place because he wanted to speak to me in private. I thought nothing of it as we already spent a fantastic weekend together, so what could possibly go wrong? He had just left my house within minutes of calling me. I went into my friend's room, and then he asked me if there was ever a time I had some infection. I’m like ahn ahn? He said, “answer the question, if you like, lie about it.”
I was not sure where the animosity was coming from, I tried everything within my power to make Fisayo happy, and all he did was always find excuses to pick a fight with me, knowing fully well that he would dominate the situation. I went on to tell him about a time when I had UTI (urinary tract infection), but I was so scared to tell him because he was going to be mad at me. It was the first time
I contracted UTI and wasn’t sure what had caused it. I went ahead to treat myself without letting him know. He was so furious about me withholding that information from him; my mom has had UTI! He exclaimed, my younger sister has had UTI! It is not a big deal! You’d rather speak to my friends about things than talk to me. He had gone through my messages and seen the information I exchanged with Stacey, telling her about the UTI. So that was why he called to interrogate me. Yes, he always went through my phone, but I had no access to his phone whatsoever.
If he was stepping out for a second, he went with his phone; if he was going to the bathroom (you guessed that right), he went with his phone.
But he always picked up my phone to read my messages. He went ahead to say he was feeling a type of way and decided to get checked out, and the nurses/doctors told him he had a certain STD. He tried to think of where he could have possibly contracted the “STD,” and then a light bulb came on, he remembered I had UTI. I was shocked. Wetin consine UTI with this type of STD? I mean I am no doctor, but I was smart enough to know that there was no connection.
He went on and on about how I put him at risk and needed to get checked out and get treated for the STD. I tried to assure him that it wasn’t because of the UTI, and I would get tested. After I got off the phone with him, I was just weak; we just had a great time together, what kind of temptation is this? Now looking back, he was trying to do damage control, I think he went to the hospital, and as routine, they informed him that he needed to get in touch with all his sexual partners and tell them about the STD.
And that was his way of letting me know. The next day I went to urgent care and tested negative for the STD (I know God loves me, even in my mess). They still prescribed antibiotics for me to take, just in case it was lying dormant in me, but that was less likely. I went ahead to ask the doctor if there was any connection with UTI and the said STD, and he said there was no way that was possible.
Fisayo just wanted to pin his messy lifestyle on me. And I was so naïve to see what he was doing at the time. I called Fisayo with the news and thought he would be glad, but he was cold towards me, and he warned me not to tell anyone. I had a friend in Stacey, she shared in most of the burden I carried in my tumultuous six months relationship with Fisayo, and so I didn't keep anything from her. I called Stacey immediately telling her that I was clear from the STD.
Breakup Number 2
Fisayo asked me what hospital I went to for my tests, and if he could get my results directly from them. I don’t know if he was thinking I falsified the results, and wanted to hear from the physician himself; but that was impossible. American hospitals don’t release any information about their patients to anyone but the patient. I had to go back in for the second time, to get tested again, just so I could calm his mind. And I was still in the clear. One fateful day, we had planned to go bowling with all our friends, and I looked forward to it. But because of the “STD” wey he almost give me oh, Fisayo was acting super cold towards me. He would not talk to me, and he would not pick my calls. We still went out anyway. And everything was just weird; people even noticed that we were not our usual jovial selves, that day.
After bowling had ended, we rode back to my house together, and that was where the interrogation started. “Give me your phone, where are Stacey's messages? You told her didn't you? If you didn’t tell her, then why are her messages missing?” So I answered him—I told her alright, but it wasn’t through text. Why do you feel the need to go through my phone? Why do you think I told her? Are you just looking for ways to fight me? To which he responded—“I just knew you would tell her.”
Then he got infuriated! I had never seen him get that mad before. He was hitting his steering wheel, saying “I told you, but you wouldn’t listen!” “This relationship is over!” I broke down crying, pleading with him not to break up with me, but he told me to get out of his car, and I did. I did not want it to get to the point where it was going to get physical, although he never hit me, but I got out of his car as soon as he said I should. Ah I did not want my family to hear stories that touch oh! So I respected myself, real quick!
I got into my apartment, and told my friend who was visiting what happened, that Fisayo just broke up with me. She couldn't believe it; she had only met Fisayo as she came to spend some time with me. She liked him, and their personalities clicked. She was shocked that I just went from meet my boyfriend to we are no longer together. She tried to get the story of what happened out of me, but I wasn’t coherent enough to even give her the right answers. I was still processing what just went down in the car, myself.
Then about an hour later, there was a knock on the door, and we thought who it could be as it was past midnight. So I quickly hurried off into the bedroom and told her to see who it was. She came back informing me that it was Fisayo. My heart skipped a beat, and I told her to let him in. Thinking he came to apologize for what happened, surprisingly, that wasn’t the case, he said I should not reveal to anyone the real reason of our break up, when asked I should just say, the relationship did not work out.
I paused for a second chewing on the rubbish he just spewed and went ahead to ask him why I should lie about it; I will tell them the truth if anyone asks me about it, I responded. Silly me, the next day I went over to his house to plead with him, saying how I would be a better girlfriend, and how I wasn’t going to tell my friends what happened in our relationship anymore.
In fact, I warned Stacey not to text me whenever I was with him. She was concerned; she told me it seemed I was afraid of him, but I assured her all was well, we just needed to separate our friendship from this relationship. Even with the few changes I went ahead to make, Fisayo refused for us to get back together. I begged and begged, and then finally he accepted.
We eventually started dating again, and I was happy. Things were going fine, and I thanked God for it. Another friend of mine came to visit with her family, and Fisayo accompanied me to go pick them up from Houston. That road trip was fun as we had a lot of deep conversations. When we got back to Waco, Fisayo had to go home. But his car wasn’t available, and I asked him to chill a little bit, then I would take him home. He declined, saying he needed to go home and I shouldn't worry about it. He went on to say that Lola was going to drop him off.
I had no qualms with it, I told her to use my car to drop him off. I also went ahead to grant Lola the permission to use my car for the time being, I had a rental car at my disposal. She happily took me up on offer, since she had issues with her car. The time came around for my friend and her family to go back to Houston, and I asked Fisayo to take us back, I also told him that we would have to spend the night in Houston as well. He said he wasn't sure if he could make the trip. I pleaded with him, and he said he would think about it. Lola offered to do the drive, but I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. So I turned down her offer.
Fisayo then agreed to take us but only because we would come back to Waco the same day. I decided half bread is better than none in this situation, so I accepted. Who wanted to make that drive anyway? On our way back from Houston, Fisayo was not his usual “cheerful” self when he was in a good mood. So I could smell a fight brewing. He asked me if I had completed the dosage of antibiotics, which was given to me for the STD scare I had. I explained to him that I didn't have the so-called STD, and I hated taking medication, so I didn't finish it.
But I was low key wondering why he asked? Did he see the pills that remained? Was he psychic? Abeg I don tire for this guy and his wahala. So when I revealed that I didn’t complete the dosage, he went off on me (You know now, his usual picking up of random fights with me). “Are you a baby?” He exclaimed! “You are not going to be a good mother! It is decisions like these you make, that has made me not to take serious steps towards our relationship! You are lazy, and dumb. Common antibiotics that my younger brother takes, don’t you know if you don’t complete the dosage, it would not work?”
With tears dropping from my eyes, I wondered; my mother hated taking medication, her sisters told me about how she was pregnant with me and threw out her medications and she was an amazing mother, who forced us to take medicine whenever we were sick. So how is not completing the dosage of an antibiotic equate to me becoming a bad mother? I just went to sleep; I couldn't deal with all his insults. There were times that it wasn't even worth crying over his emotional abuses; I took it as that is just who he is. We got back to my place, well late in the night and he hurried off.
I wondered where he had to go that night. I asked him to stay, but he refused saying he might have to work very early in the morning. He left with the rental car and promised to bring it the next day. The next day came along, and he got to my house at about 9 am. In my head I thought, wasn’t this the same outfit he had on last night? Deep in my heart, I knew he didn't go home. It seemed as if he went just right around the corner. Anyway, I was happy to see his face and eventually took him back home.
Randomly Fisayo asked me weird questions like ‘how many men have you slept with?’, ‘you’ve been with 7 or 8 men right?’ I was worried. Who has been feeding Fisayo with all these false information about me? How did he know I told Stacey about the STD? How did he know I didn’t finish the antibiotic that was prescribed to me? He kept on coming up with different accusations, and in my spirit I said to myself, I feel attacked! Someone is trying to bring me down. I wrote down some prayer points and started praying about them because I was full of fear and the only time I felt safe was in church. I didn't know the answer to my prayers was going to be the demise of me and Fisayo’s relationship forever.
Josephine the Dreamer
The nickname my friend Eileen gave me was Josephine, because of all the dreams I usually had. God speaks to me mostly through dreams; He reveals things to me before they happen. Before my mom passed in 2009, I had about three dreams leading up to that event, without us even knowing she had any ailment in her body.
Before a boyfriend broke up with Stacey in 2008/2009, I had a dream about it, and she pointed it out and said, “Evi you have a gift. God shows you things before they happen.” So Eileen always called me Josephine whenever I told her I had a dream, what she didn't know was that she was about to make her debut as a dreamer.
I began to notice Fisayo was always hanging out with Lola and her friends.
Whenever they went out, they took pictures and posted them on Instagram. I never thought much of it, because she was my friend and it was always a group setting. I will even say to her “ah Lola you guys went rock climbing without me” her usual response was—“It was a spontaneous thing, it wasn't planned.” My friend in Houston, who I fondly call Bestie, usually commented and asked “where is @eviliciouspepe?”
Then one day Naomi told me that Lola was complaining to her, about Fisayo always calling her for rides and she was wondering why he couldn’t call me whenever he got stranded, after all I was his girlfriend. And she kept asking Naomi if Fisayo and I were still together. I was wondering what kind of question that was, because of course we were still together. So Naomi suggested that I talk to him to stop asking Lola for rides.
I did so, and all of a sudden, Lola started giving Naomi, attitude. Naomi was thrown off by the whole situation; she wondered what made Lola start acting weird towards her; I innocently always assured Naomi that Lola was okay; she probably had a lot going on. Naomi also mentioned to me that Lola said to her, that I was deceptive; apparently because the radio station in my car was always on the Christian channel, and meanwhile I was busy having sex outside of marriage.
See me see wahala oh? Can’t I listen to Christian songs again? I love Jesus too now, even in my mess. When I heard about little comments from her like that one, I often thought about what they meant, because I did not know where all the hostility was coming from. But I just overlooked them; Fisayo was enough trouble for me to deal with.
I slept over at his place one night and had a dream about him cheating on me, and he didn't want to leave the other girl no matter how I pleaded for him to do so. In reality, things were going so well between us, so how could that be? I couldn't shake off dreams like that one because I know the Holy Spirit doesn’t tell lies. As much as I did not want to believe the dream, I was confident that God knew the hidden things. And that scared me, a lot.
Then one day Eileen called me and asked if everything was okay between Fisayo and me because she had a dream that he was cheating on me, mind you, I didn’t reveal to her that I also had the same dream. I couldn't ignore it any longer; I became worried and afraid, thinking after all, we had been through; he was still cheating. I thought we had gone past all of that; I did not know that the worst was yet to come. So I put my big girl panties on, and confronted him with the dreams, and he reassured me that all was well and he wasn't cheating.
The iPad Story
My friend who came from Houston gifted me with an iPad air. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an iPad and iPhone lover. I always get the latest one that there is. I was so excited because I wanted a new iPad. On receiving that, I figured I would give someone who didn't have a tablet, my old iPad. Lola came to mind, and I was full of joy to provide her with the gift of an iPad. So I sent her a message saying she should come to my house because I had a surprise for her. She came around, and I presented her with the iPad.
I explained to her that my friend got me a new one and there was no point keeping the old one. She thanked my friend and was grateful. The weird thing was she didn't thank me at all. Everything was directed at my friend. I noticed it because I mentioned to Naomi what happened, but it wasn't like I was mad or anything of that sort. A couple of days later she texted me saying she was grateful for the iPad but she couldn’t keep it. An iPad was too big of a gift, if it were something else she would accept. So she needed to give it back. I wanted her to keep it, so I shared with Stacey and Fisayo about the situation. They both said they would talk to her. After some convincing, she decided to keep the iPad.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.