People have been intermarrying for centuries— people from different backgrounds, cultures, belief systems, and so on. There are couples who don’t share the same fundamental beliefs when it comes to God and spirituality but somehow manage to make their relationship work. But there are some disadvantages that come with Christians marrying non-Christians, disadvantages God is trying to save us from, that is why He says we shouldn’t do it. Do you want to find out what those are? Lets’ talk!
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Help! I’m in Love with a Guy, but He isn’t Christian!
Boy, have I found myself in this dance, over and over again! I don’t know if I have a stamp on my forehead which says—non-Christians are welcome to ask me out on a date (haha). I start talking to a guy, and I’m enjoying the vibe he is giving me, and the next thing I discover he does not believe in God! But God, I can pray for him, he can change! Maybe you brought us together for a reason, I continuously make my arguments with God, with Him all the while saying—no my dear, I wouldn’t send you someone who does not uphold godly standards.
The thing is when you join ourselves with people who don’t believe in God or who aren’t Christ-followers, they begin to rub off on you little by little, and one day you wake up, with the whole God thing becoming a chore or irritable. That happened to me; I no longer desired godly relationships, as I once did. I wanted what was not meant for me, and it was beginning to show.
Let me be the first to let you know that all those prayers for a non-Christian, to become a Christian when you are busy indulging them, possibly sexually (physically or through conversation) doesn’t work, and would not work. If God is leading you to lead someone to Him, sin is not going to be involved. God is always consistent with His word.
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Help! my spouse doesn’t want me to teach our kids about Jesus!
This was one of the reasons why I agreed to let go of the budding relationship between myself and the guy who was an atheist. In a conversation with him one day, he said if we end up getting married and have kids, he wouldn’t let me teach them about God or take them to church, except they were curious enough on their own, and wanted to go to church themselves.
That devastated me, because anyone who knows me, knows how much I love children. I worked in the children's department for seven years in my old church before I moved. During my NYSC year, I served in a school, and I now work with children at my new church; children are amazing! I couldn’t reconcile the fact that the two things which I loved the most—Kids and my relationship with God, wouldn’t be able to come together in my home, because of my husband, who happens to be an unbeliever.
You see, when you decide you want to marry a person who has no regard for God, or who believes that there are many pathways to God, you decide to introduce confusion into your home, and the generations after you, if God doesn’t intervene. I’ve seen a situation whereby a mom was Christian, and a dad, Muslim, and the kids ended up being atheists. I don’t blame the children because daddy and mommy are both teaching us different things, so which is the right way?
Deuteronomy 7:3 says—“you must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods.”
In this passage of scripture, God was trying to warn the children of Israel, not to marry those who did not believe in Him, simply because that union was going to cause not just the believer to stray, but their children also. God is so jealous for the believer that He doesn’t want anything to take you away from Him, yes, not even marriage. Think generationally when you want to choose a life partner.
Can two people walk together if they don’t agree?
Think about it; let’s say you want to go to Lekki, from the mainland in Lagos. You can enter Lekki via Ikoyi or through VI. One person says they want to go through Ikoyi; the other says VI. What happens, in the end, is that someone might be forced to give up their own way, or the both of you end up going in separate directions, not accomplishing a common goal, together, as it was intended to be, for couples.
Your belief system will show up in your lives in different aspects of it, and will cause you both to butt heads. Marriage is hard enough, why make it more difficult? Now, if you are already married to an unbeliever, this is not a call for you to leave your home. (See 1 Corinthians 7:12-16)
But if you are single like me, you still have the time to make things right; do not settle! I’m not going to be out here acting like it’s easy not to settle. Sometimes it might feel like you can’t find a good Christian partner. The same games the guys who don’t care about God play, you find the “Christian” guys, playing those same games.
A lot of mess happens in the body of Christ, and women are often left thinking—maybe this relationship/marriage thing isn’t meant for me, maybe God has called me to a life of singleness. Or some may decide to compromise on their beliefs and sail into the sunset with guys, who wouldn’t challenge them spiritually, leaving them to carry the weight of spirituality of their home, alone. In as much, that it seems like there is a shortage of good men and even women, there isn’t.
If you lay down your desires of wanting to be in a relationship so bad and focus on God and whatever He wants to accomplish in you in the season of life you are in, He will handle the romantic aspect of your life. Nothing is too difficult for Him. Right now, He may be working on the heart of the man/woman you will end up with one day. Just be patient, enjoy life, wake up, smell the roses, focus on your purpose, and one day, you will find out that what you have wished for all your life, might just be standing right next to you.
So should a Christian marry a non-Christian? After reading all the wisdom I just gave you, are you still asking that question? Haha!
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.