How long have you been dating him/her?
One year and 10 months. That's it. That's how long it took from when we met to when we got married. 22 months. People usually argue about the longevity of a relationship before getting married, or the validity of that relationship based on how long you have been together. How long should you wait before you get married after you have met someone? What’s the acceptable time frame? Do you date for at least 3 years before "I do", do you have to live with them for a certain amount of time? After the proposal what is the engagement period? Do you do a 5-year engagement? We are all focused on the wrong factor, quantity.
The truth is there isn't a particular time frame. It's not the quantity of time with the person that matters. It’s the quality of it. The only way you can truly define that is by your value system, honesty and being intentional. That goes for both of you. I know this issue can be very controversial with differing opinions and we can respect that, but the truth is there are a lot of reasons why people separate or get divorced and it is not because of the length of time they knew each other before they got married. Be intentional and be accountable.
Wendy and her husband, Tunde
It was very unexpected, to say the least, the timing and the method. First, it was on his birthday, which was a good disguise and because I just wasn’t expecting it. We had come a long way, individually and collectively (future blog post, I promise) and we were at a point in this journey where I was just contented, happy, living. I really didn’t expect it, I was planning his birthday while he was planning our engagement secretly. And the people we both love dearly were there to witness it all, family and friends. Shout-out to all the loving support systems out there.
That day was a great surprise for me, I was very emotional, I couldn’t believe he was proposing to me while it was actually happening. It kind of felt like an out of body experience, everything was slow motion. It’s so interesting, you know when you watch movies, or you see clips of people getting engaged, and you get emotional, not for you but for them and you never actually imagine yourself in that position. That was me. I honestly don’t remember what he said, thank God for video recordings.
After the Proposal
When the curtains were closed, and all the well-wishers had gone home, we had a serious conversation. I don’t know what prompted it to be honest. A while back though I do remember My Dad telling, not asking, but telling both of us if we knew what we were getting into. Like truly know. When the “honeymoon phase” subsides did we really understand what we were doing? I think that’s what did it because even as all the excitement was roaring inside us, we knew the journey just began and it will be full of ups and downs.
With 100% vulnerability and uncertainty we asked each other the very important questions, "Do we know what we are getting ourselves into and do we understand the requirements?” And the answer was NO. How could we? There are so many requirements for marriage? Depending on whom you talk to or who you get your advice from. Side note advice is not a verb: it’s what we do with it that becomes a bit tricky, good or bad.
They may be material based, they may be religious, and they may even be deal breakers for you. We weren’t really prepped for this part of the journey and our parents, even though as individuals are the epitome of strength, sacrifice, and love, as couples, their marriages were not successful systems to adopt. So what works? What really works?
A wedding is just a ceremony
It will come, and it will go, you will be upset and happy sometimes at the same time, you will throw a bouquet, you will cut a cake, you will dance your heart out in front of family and friends and you will say I do to the one you love, the one you choose, it’s alright, enjoy it. A wedding is just a ceremony, marriage is the journey, it comes after your ceremony, and it is the more impactful one.
We are all on some Journey: the journey to “I do”, the journey to financial freedom, the journey to parenthood, friendship etc. This part has Tunde written all over it (this is how he talks all the time I kid you not). The end doesn’t necessarily matter, well it does but not now. For now, appreciate the journey, whatever type it is, appreciate it, enjoy it, learn from it. You cannot control another human being no matter how much you love them, you can only try to positively influence them and vice versa. However, always do your best so you can be at peace no matter how it turns out.
You will die one day, I know its corny and simplistic but it’s one of the least thought about facts of life. This is not supposed to be depressing, it is supposed to give us perspective. Take advantage of each life opportunity, live, love, forgive and serve so when the inevitable end comes, you have minimal regrets.
So back to the original question, “should you get married ?” I guess I don’t know, and I will let you draw your conclusions, I don't believe in the one but I believe in the one you choose. So for me, no matter what the outcome is, it’s worth it because of the person I chose to do it with. For this journey of life, we are all embarking on; I wish us all good luck, favor and a lot of gingersnap cookies.
About the Author: Hi! My name is Wendy and I am so much more. I love photography, styling and creating content on various platforms. Freedom of expression is my niche, expression through fashion, music, art, and writing. I always say, not one person is the same we are all unique in our own ways and despite us having a few things in common our differences still sets us apart.
I like to encourage myself and those around me to embrace what makes them different from others and not fall into the trap of conforming to society or the norm. I include myself in this because I am eccentric but sometimes I have had the urge to conform to society. However, I love my originality because that's when I am most creative, confident and happy. So, therefore, Be you, Do you, look for what makes you stand out from others and remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. To learn more about Wendy visit her website: Wendyike.blogspot.com
So should you get married? let's know your thoughts below. Remember to like, share, comment, and subscribe to never miss an update on Let's Talk Nation.