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How to Identify a Player in a Relationship

Updated: Dec 10, 2020

If you are a hopeful romantic like me, then you look forward to the day when someone will swoop in and sweep you off your feet. You know like how it happens in the movies, or books, or in stories that seem too good to be true! Boy meets girl and immediately falls for her, and they live happily ever after. Girl meets boy, and she is uninterested initially, but later discovers boy is everything she has ever wished for.

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Unfortunately, most of us are not patient enough to allow our love story unfold the way it was designed to, then we end up with players, or you know what they typically call them, and they mess with your mind, body, will, and emotions. With you thinking, why can’t love choose me for once?! But why can't you choose you? Today I want to help you identify some signs that you might be involved with a player. Here goes:

1) He puts you on a schedule

Players don’t have the time to commit to just one woman, they are often occupied with a plethora of them. And in other to juggle this full-time job effectively, just as any reasonable human does when they have their hands in so many things, they compartmentalize and put them on a schedule. It’s true. So you discover your guy calls you on only Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. With you thinking—he is probably stressed out at work, so he doesn’t have all the time in the world to focus on just me. At least he calls and hangs out with me on those days; half bread is better than none right?

Wrong! Sweetie! That’s not the case; there is also Idara, Imabong, Abigail, Nkechi, and Idongesit! He has to create time for them as well. If this is your situation, you will also find out he doesn’t answer you on the days that he does not put the effort out to engage with you. He controls the communication in the situationship and speaks to you only when he wants to. On the days he does, he makes you feel so precious; giving you enough breadcrumbs just to keep you around. But you are no Hansel and Gretel, ditch that guy! He is not worth your time.

2) He doesn’t like to take you out, always prefers for you guys to hang-out indoors

Come on, girl, what excuse has Charles given you this week? There is nothing fun to do around town? I’m just not the going out type? Does he feel like staying home and cuddling with you? Or he has no money? If a guy continually comes up with excuses as to why you guys can’t go out and do fun things, there might be a possibility that he doesn’t want people to see you out together. Take note; if he never puts in an effort to properly date you, then you are just a temporary situation for him. Going out on fun dates doesn’t always have to involve a lot of money. When you go out and interact with other things and people outside of yourselves, you will learn more about each other.

3) I’ve never met his friends or family

And you guys are in an exclusive relationship? I think not! Guy doesn’t value you enough to introduce you to those in his close circle. I’m not saying you need to meet his parents a.s.a.p., but at least that best friend he is always speaking about, and that annoying sibling that drives him nuts, should be a good start. A good number of close people on both sides should know you are dating. Dating shouldn’t happen in isolation, those who you do life with should know who you are involved with.

4) He is only nice to me when he wants sex

First off, you shouldn’t be having sex outside of marriage, especially if you are a Christian; it just complicates things. If he only shows you love when he wants to get down, then he is just using you for what you can offer him physically. And that does a number on your emotion; it rubs you off your self-esteem and self-worth. You have to value yourself first so that others can see your value. Dust yourself, and make your way to the door; that guy doesn’t deserve you.


5) He is a mastermind at reverse psychology

Guy: Babe, how come you haven’t called me in three days?

Girl: I called you on Thursday night, but you did not answer or call me back. I also sent you a message, and you said you would call later and you never did.

Guy: When did I say that?

Girl: That night!

Guy: why didn’t you try again? I was hanging out with my friends, and then we went out of town.

Girl: So your phone doesn’t work out of town? Where did you go? The moon? Or you left your phone at home?

Guy: Yes, I did. I left it at home. I could not even have fun on the trip, and my friends kept teasing me because I really wanted to speak to you. I got home expecting to see missed calls from you and nothing! It’s like I am the only one who wants this relationship. I keep putting in the work and get nothing back in return. I think we should just end it.

Girl: Wait, what?

I was in shock when this happened to me; I was supposed to be the one upset, but he was quick to spin the situation around, pick up on what I said about leaving his phone at home (which was a lie), and then used that to his advantage. In my mind, I was like—reverse psychology toh bad! Somehow I found myself apologizing (haha). Thank God I finally came to my senses and left that player. They never take responsibility for their actions.


So if any of these signs resonate with you; you might just be involved with a player, and it’s about time you get out of such a situation.

What do you think about this article? Leave your comments below, also remember to like, share and subscribe, never to miss an update on Let’s Talk Nation.

Don’t stop here; click this link to explore more on our Relationships page.

About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.

Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.

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