This topic is one of the hardest to talk about especially in the Christian community. People act like Pornography isn’t a problem, but it is one of what I like to refer to as silent killers.
What is pornography?
Let's begin by defining what it is; pornography can be described as the depiction of erotic behavior as in pictures or writing, intended to cause sexual excitement. (According to Merriam-Webster dictionary) Just from its definition, we can already see its intent.
Pornography has been an age-old-best-kept-secret that has tormented many people for decades. Even while many try to breakup with this vicious lover, it keeps sucking them back in. Like that man you know is bad for you but you keep going back to him anyway? That is how pornography is to the believer.
Many people's introduction to sex was through pornography, and that hasn’t changed today—in fact, it has become alarmingly worse. Young children who are oblivious about sex, are now roped into this perversion thinking that what they see portrayed in these movies is how sex should be.
In a porno movie, (at least from what I can remember), there is no love or care for the parties involved. In fact, the movies (If they are even worthy to be called that), lack a commendable storyline—their stories are unimaginably shallow because they have one goal in mind which is to incite despicable sexual desires in the viewer.
Little wonder most young people pursue the opposite sex with just the intention of having sex! (light bulb moment). They fail to think that intimacy or dare I say marriage is required before sex because that is what has been portrayed in these "movies" for years on end. With the rise of the internet and social media, pornography has become something that is easily accessible, with people becoming bold these days by posting nude images of themselves. And where there is no restraint, sin abounds.
One misconception about pornography is that their audiences are stacked up with men only. That couldn’t be further from the truth—women also view porn. According to an article I came across on bellanaija.com, "47% of Christians say they have a problem with pornography in their home, 72% of males visit pornography websites as do 28% of females. I was once addicted to porn, and I was for many years, and I am a woman.
I was exposed to pornography as a little child, and there was something about that curiosity that caused me to keep going back.
As I grew older, I hid this sin, this dirty little secret, and the shame that I felt surrounding the issue. I could not open up to my mother or any friend. I was a prisoner to my lust and didn't know how to get free. It wasn't as if I was watching porn 24/7, but there were seasons when it was horrible. After each click, I would cry out to God to forgive me and help free me from this sin, only to get roped in about a week later.
It was easier for me to tell people that I was fornicating (because everyone does, right?) but God forbid for them to know I was addicted to pornography, let alone the category I once enjoyed watching. There was a void I was trying so hard to fill and pornography forged a companion for me. I tried to quit on my own, but that didn't work. Then after a bad breakup, all of a sudden I had this enormous hunger and desire to get things right with God.
As such, I began to read books on what godly relationships looked like and also started acquainting myself with videos of Christian couples who talked about how they chose to honor God in their single lives before they got married. Out of my sincere desire to honor and please God, He set me free! I haven't viewed porn in over five years.
I no longer have to clean out my search history, I don’t have to lie to people about why I wasn’t picking up their calls, and I don’t have to turn on the private mode on my iPad anymore to hide this shameful desire. God freed me, and He can set you free as well if you are struggling with this hidden sin.
Porn as it relates to crime
As an avid watcher of crime shows (real-life documentary), I discovered that when the cops search the homes of suspects of murder and (or) violent sex crimes, they almost always find pornography present in their homes. From their findings, we can deduce that the use of pornography can be linked to such gruesome crimes against humanity.
People would love to normalize pornography like it isn’t a big deal, however, it is, and one to be taken seriously because of its ability to destroy lives directly and indirectly.
"You don't have to be a viewer of porn for it to have damaging effects on you."
People have exchanged real connections and intimacy with real people for sexual fantasies that can never be satisfied by one real person. Pornography amid many things is also modern-day slavery—young girls are being trafficked into this industry on a regular basis. It’s bewildering how we fight for human rights when it comes to “sex slavery” and prostitution, but turn a blind eye to the porn industry. It is the same thing—people get scouted from social media, strip clubs, and the like, they get thrown into this industry, and they start making money for this illicit business venture; enduring enormous physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse from their perpetrators.
Predators often pose as model scouts and target young girls who are about 18 years old (or maybe younger) and lie about getting them a modeling contract. These girls who are mostly naïve fall into the trap just because they want to become the next big thing. Oftentimes, the "scouts" ask these young women to come in for a photoshoot which would involve them taking semi-nude and (or) nude pictures, that can be possibly used for a modeling gig or to boost their portfolio. And before the girls know it, they find themselves in some off location with people demanding that they do obscene things. The more obscene, the more money you get to make.
If they refuse, they stand the risk of their nudes being released to the general public and their parents discovering that their innocent little Jessica has bared it all for the world to see. So for that not to happen, some of them get sucked into this obscure life.
“For this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women, loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts.” 2 Timothy 3:6
These girls are often beaten and raped, and as a result, they turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. When it becomes unbearable, some of them end up taking their own lives. According to an article published by the New York Post back in 2018, a porn star by the name of Olivia was the fifth porn star to die within the space of seven months. Industry officials attributed the tragedies to either suicide or drug overdose, they reported.
Don't let the theatrics fool you. Those "actors" are in pain and need help. The more you click to watch, the more you create a demand for it, especially in the category, you like to watch—if you like watching just women have sex with each other, then more women would be found to indulge in such depravity.
If you enjoy watching violent sex acts, then guess what? The more people will possibly be "raped" for your entertainment. The more obscene, the more money, the better. This then leads to more brokenness in society, sex crimes, and even murder. Not to mention all the infidelity issues in relationships and marriages which oftentimes involve sexual addictions and promiscuity.
It's like a vicious cycle —Start watching Porn —Develop unrealistic sexual desires — Harbour unrealistic sexual expectations —Cheat on your partner—Have multiple sex partners—Get sexually transmitted diseases—Spread sexually transmitted diseases, and it can go on and on.
"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people."
One thing we have to understand is that lust never gets satisfied. You cannot watch pornography one day and be free the next. The moment you open that door it is going to be difficult to shut it. One day you get high just watching a man and a woman have sex, the next day it is no longer as exciting. Now, you want one man and two women; then you want one man and three women, then you don't even want to see a man anymore. Before you know it, you start getting high off a full-blown orgy, then who knows what will be next? You begin to search out ways to put to practice what you've been learning— I’ve been there.
Hollywood actor Terry Crews, shared his struggles with pornography. He implied that it almost ended his marriage to his wife of over 20 years. He also shared that once this dirty little secret is exposed, it loses its power. When you are bold enough to share with a loved one, saying "hey I'm struggling" or "hey I need help" that silent killer loses its power.
As such, you have people looking for ways to help you; there are those who will stop at nothing to see you free. You remember this adage that says "a problem shared (with reasonable people) is half solved?" It rings true.
For instance, I shared with my friend about how these nasty rodents called rats were pestering my household after I had done everything I could do to eradicate them—then she came up with a solution that drove them away forever. You never know: you might speak to someone who once struggled with the same thing you struggle with; that kind of person would be of tremendous help to you.
When your perspective on pornography changes, then you begin to see it differently. Humans will no longer seem like things to be objectified. And once you realize that most of the women are trafficked and blackmailed into this dark industry, then you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them again (I know I did).
When you put yourself in the shoes of family members who don't know that their loved one was forced into that lifestyle, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want your daughter, sister, mom, brother, or anyone you know to be sucked in, you will want to expose the porn industry for what it is—a perversion of what God created sex to be.
"Pornography is the fuel that drives most sexual sin."
1) Porn does nothing good for you; the industry is strategic as to how they run their business model, it is all about the $$$$ for them (if you knew that someone had a strategic plan, to destroy you, would you still associate yourself with them? Hopefully your answer is no!)
2) Porn does not help your sex life; it desensitizes it. It takes away the passion and emotions God intended for you to have with your spouse during sex and reduces it to be about performance.
3) Porn is unrealistic; no one person can satisfy your lustful desire. You will go out there (if you are not careful) and look for others to do so. You can ask people who have been addicted.
Don’t buy into the deception: Pornography is not worth it. It is an illusion that people addicted or who use it occasionally need to break away from. I don't know how and where we can begin to fight this battle—because it is going to take a collective effort to eradicate this multi-million dollar industry (worldwide).
But for now, every little step counts. Even if it's you who stops watching porn and then speak about how you got free, your boldness to share your personal experience can cause a ripple effect. We need to get our society back—we need to get our young men and women back. We need a society made up of people who think clearly, and we also need a society made up of people who are righteous. Then maybe just maybe, the world would become a better place to thrive in. Perhaps it is because of our sins, that we suffer the many atrocities that we do.
This industry has to be severed from the root. Pornography shouldn't be normalized or trivialized— it is sex slavery. I hope that even if one person sees this post (or the series of posts I've written on this topic), and begins to make changes in their life, then part of the purpose of putting this out there has been fulfilled. Let’s start this conversation, Let’s talk about it, Let’s say no to pornography!
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