Written by Evi Idoghor, Creator of Letstalknationblog.com
You’ve been in multiple relationships over several years, each time a relationship ends, you call on your favorite girlfriend—you know the one who always has access to all the guys, to let her know you are on the market again. She introduces you to someone new, and it's all exciting in the beginning until nature takes its course.
This cycle repeats itself for months, and you keep coming up empty. The guys somehow don’t want anything serious; they stop calling, while texting is at an all-time low, they come up with different excuses as to why you can’t hang out, when in reality, they just want to hit it and quit it, then move on to the next excitement—a shiny new toy.
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All your friends around you are getting engaged or are in serious relationships that might lead down the aisle. You become depressed; you wonder why in the world you can’t land a decent guy. You are a great catch you think to yourself; independent, beautiful, respectable, smart, kind, and whatever else you might want to add to the list. But for some reason, the odds are nicely stacked up against you.
If you have been in such a situation, or you are currently experiencing this dilemma, then you need to pump the breaks on your love life and I will provide you with three key reasons why you should do so.
When you want to rid your body of toxins; things that weigh your physical body down, you have to do some cleansing of some kind. A lot of people do it for several weeks or days, and they end up feeling better, with their body thanking them for it. They are more energetic, more productive, and view life differently. The feeling is no different when you decide to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally.
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“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” —Gloria Steinem
I found this hilarious quote online—if a fish can do without a bicycle, then you can take a step back on your love life. Sometimes, we have to go on a journey of self-discovery, before we join someone else in our lives.
The reason why people find themselves in relationship after relationship, without anything substantial ever panning out, is because they don’t know themselves. There are some guys which you cried over in the past, that you wouldn’t give a second thought when you discover your true identity.
Why do you need to pump the breaks on your love life? Here 3 reasons why:
1) To find yourself—most times, females don’t know who they are, and are dependent on men for their identity. This is a dangerous place to be in because, your self-worth is then attached to how well a man you might like or be in love with, returns that favor. When they don’t reciprocate, and when they treat you like crap, you fade into the background.
You shrink back into your shell. All of a sudden nothing in life makes sense, because one person, out of the seven billion people on the planet, doesn’t like you as much as you might like them. But when you discover who you are, when you are confident in your identity, even if someone walks away, they don’t take your self-worth with them.
3) To walk into your purpose— you may just stumble upon your life’s purpose when you give an unhealthy relationship cycle a break. What that does is that you begin to see life from a different perspective, a different point of view. You all of a sudden have insight on many issues, and discover what you might want to do to make this life a better one for yourself and generations to come.
Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of The Huffington Post and Thrive Global once said about lost love while delivering a keynote speech—"When I look back on my life, everything good that has happened; my work, my two daughters, The Huffington Post, being here with you today, all happened because a man wouldn’t marry me."
"Don’t stifle your growth, to try and fit into someone else’s mold."
I chuckled when she said that, it was hilarious. You might wonder what heartbreak has to do with purpose; my answer is, a lot. If she had forced herself to remain in that relationship after she knew they didn’t want the same things, she wouldn’t have walked into her purpose. Don’t stifle your growth, to try and fit into someone else’s mold. That heartbreak might just be a blessing in disguise.
3) To maintain good mental health—when someone goes through a bad breakup or rejection, we all know it does a number on your psyche. You begin to think if you weren’t good enough, smart enough, sexy enough, and these thoughts run through your mind all day. Even the Bible says that we should think about pleasant things, because negative thoughts can do more harm to us, than good.
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Even if you haven’t experienced a breakup yet, but you happen to find yourself in an unhealthy situation, the feelings of why he isn’t calling or responding to messages or giving you the attention that you deserve, can have you depressed. But if you leave that situation; not having such negativity in your life, can boost your self-esteem, reduce stress, and increase productivity, especially when you are not worrying about if someone is feeling you or not.
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This journey to self-discovery is also one where you will need to work on yourself; you have to do the work. You have to go back in time to find out why you keep allowing yourself to be in circumstances that add no value to your life. You have to uproot the pain and heartache of past hurt so that you can make room for something new and healthy. You have to fall in love with yourself first before you can bring someone else into that space.
When it comes to relationships, two halves don’t make one, but two whole people; people who have done the hard work, people who are going to be intentional about their relationship. When you go on this journey, you discover who you are, what you like, and what is actually acceptable to you.
You don’t need a man to live life to the fullest, but if you have the desire to be in a relationship, a man should be an added value, not a depreciating asset. So next time when you find yourself in a not so pleasant situation, maybe that is a signal for you to pump the breaks on your love life, and embark on a journey to rediscover yourself.
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