Most of us have stayed in relationships a little longer than we ought to for various reasons. For some, it might be the fear of being alone, while for others, they might have been in the situation for years, and don’t know where to begin without the other person. If you are in a situation or relationship, that is abusive, or no longer serving the right purpose, don’t be afraid to walk away.
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Many questions run through our minds when we are contemplating a break-up. For me, it went something like this—what if I remain single for the rest of my life? What will people say? Will anyone ever sweep me off my feet? What if marriage is not in the cards for me? Those thoughts can be depressing, and make you stay in an abusive situation, longer than you have to because you feel that you don’t deserve better, and fear that no one else will love you.
For starters, love devoid of freedom and choice is not love, but abuse. Anyone who stunts your growth, who belittles you with their words, who is violent towards you, doesn’t love you. Relationships are like mirrors; they reveal your true identity. So that person who is being abusive towards you is seeing things in you, that they are might be lacking, or that they despise in themselves. So they take out their anger against themselves, on you.
I was watching a show, where a woman was a victim of domestic violence, and her mom kept on saying that she knew her husband loved her so much. All the while I’m screaming—love doesn’t abuse! No matter how passionate they are with you, no matter how many gifts or trips they offer you, if they put their hands on you, they don’t love you.
How Then Can You Leave an Abusive situation?
Talk to people about it! Don’t underestimate the power of the community you have around you. If you speak up, someone will help you. If you have children in such a circumstance, the best thing you can do for them is not to remain with the abuser (even if it’s their dad.)
Pack up and leave.
That way you are sending your children the message that such a situation is not ideal for them. So the cycle doesn’t repeat itself (think long term).
You are Far more Valuable than you Think
If you remain in a toxic environment, it only shows that you don’t know how much you are worth. The more you stay, the worse the situation becomes. Sometimes, the victims don’t make it out alive. That is why it is crucial, for us to pay attention to the warning signs when we first meet someone. Pay attention to your instincts; that inner voice which alerts you, when something is off. It can never lead you astray.
Some women stay in situations after their partner has moved another person into their home. Why are you still there? What other signal do you want the man to give you, that he doesn’t want you? People tolerate despicable things in the name of love. Love should be something that flourishes, not something demeaning.
You have to value yourself; you have to put your well-being first, above any relationship, because for you to function properly and give your best, to a significant other, you have to be whole, mentally. So if you are in a bad situation, seek help; open up to trusted friends and family. Plan your escape strategy, and when you look back on life eventually, you will be glad, you left when you did.
What are some other reasons women and even men, stay in abusive situations? Leave your thoughts In the comments section below, also remember to like, share, and subscribe, never to miss an update.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.