Waiting to have sex is not an outdated practice. Believe it or not, many people are celibate for a plethora of reasons. When it comes to the topic of sex, people often skirt around it—women especially. Some fear that if they express to a potential partner that they are not interested in having sex in a dating relationship, then they might lose the person. But here is the kicker; if you lose someone based on your values, then you were never meant to be with them to begin with. Don’t change your values to fit into someone else’s narrative.
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The best gift you can give yourself is discovering who you are, accepting that person, and stick with them for the long haul. If you bend your rule for any Tom, Dick, or Harry (Jill, Janet, or Ngozi), you will wake up one day to realize how far you have strayed from the person you once were. Now, for the life of me, I do not understand why some women harbor fear when it comes to this topic. Does it have to do with societal conditioning? Is sexual purity meant for the woman alone? I think not.
Before you guys roll your eyes at me saying—here she goes again with this “Christianity talk” please hear me out. As a Christian, I believe God commands all people to be holy, that is, those who claim to be believers. There is no passage of scripture that supports the notion, saying sexual purity is for only the females. So I am always blown away when I hear Christian women, who desire relationships with Christian men, asking how they can reveal to the man, that they don’t want to indulge in fornication.
Is the man not meant to be on the same page? If he is not, then obviously, there is a bigger fish to fry. Okay, let’s get to the crux of the matter—how do I tell a guy I like, that I don’t want to have sex before marriage? You just tell him (haha). On a serious note, bring it up in a conversation as you would with any topic worth discussing.
· Hey, what are your views on sex before marriage?
· At what point do you think sex should be introduced in a dating relationship?
· Do you think people (Christians) should have sex in dating relationships? Why and why not?
· Is sex a big deal in dating relationships?
· What ways would you explore intimacy within a relationship, if sex is not an option?
Depending on how they answer, you both would be able to explore more in the conversation—why they believe what they believe, what formed that narrative in their mind, and you also will be able to communicate what you believe and what you stand for. That way everyone knows what to expect. Make sure you are clear in what you are communicating; don’t beat around the bush. Don’t say A (I am not ready to have sex, I don’t think it’s right, I don’t know when I will be ready), when you actually mean Z (I want to honor God with my body, so I choose not to have sex until I am married.)
Indecisiveness communicates to the other person, that you are not so sure what you believe, and there might be a window of opportunity if they play their cards right, and you don’t want that. Be firm, assertive, stand for your convictions, be clear in how you pass across your message. If they believe differently, then deuces! Two cannot work together if they don’t agree anyway! You will always find a like-minded person or at least someone who is open to learning something new.
Related Post: How Can Christians Explore Physical Intimacy in Relationships?
So what do you guys think? Let’s talk about it! Leave your comments below. Also remember to like, share and subscribe, never to miss an update on Let’s Talk Nation.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is also a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations with one goal in mind; to redefine status quo.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.