Written by Evi Idoghor
Sex in dating relationships is usually the elephant tucked away at the corner of a room. When you first meet someone, especially if you are a Christian, once the initial jitters die off, you are often left wondering what the other person’s perception of sex is—would they expect it while you are getting to know each other, dating, or in a committed relationship? If you tell them that you are saving sex for marriage, would they kiss you goodbye? A young Christian girl’s nightmare!
There are ways sex changes relationships when you are dating; it beclouds one’s judgment, causes you to compromise in other areas and often leaves you wanting for more. A person often isn’t able to think clearly once sex is introduced into a dating relationship. I will be candid here and speak on my past experiences. I discovered that whenever I indulged in sex with my partners, it was more difficult for me to let go of the relationship, especially when they became dysfunctional.
There was emotional abuse going on and even sexual abuse, yet, I still wanted to stick around, hoping that things would change. I would even cry out to God to help change the relationship and make it better, but I failed to realize that I had to do the changing.
So you can be trapped in a dysfunctional relationship for years on end because sex is involved. It might not even be great sex, but just sex! Since sex is such a binding factor, it makes a relationship difficult to break free from.
How sex changes your relationship with your partner
Sex can change a relationship in the sense that one party starts acting weird once it takes place. Again, I would speak from my experiences. There were times after I had sex with people and that thrill or mystery that usually surrounds new relationships or people in the talking stages of relationships faded out. The men no longer called or texted as they used to; they no longer suggested for us to go out on a date, except sex was going to be involved. I also found myself initiating conversations all the time, with many of them left unattended to.
When sex is introduced to a dating relationship, a level of entitlement also sets in. Now, your man friend can no longer entertain relationships with other women, even if it’s on a platonic level because you might begin to think perhaps there is a chance that what you both share, he is sharing with other women. As such, obsession comes into play—where you at? Who you with? Why you ain’t call me back? It's 6 pm, where are you?
How sex changes you
When you begin having sex, it exposes you in ways that you never thought imaginable. Most times, women become insecure especially if the relationship hasn’t been defined with the other party. You begin wondering if you are good enough in bed, if your body looks good and if he cares about your body rolls. Once there is an issue, you equate it back to you not being good enough, pretty enough, or even experienced enough. Hence, you tend to become somebody else, negating who the Creator created you to be.
Sex changes your relationship with God
Let’s call premarital sex for what it is—fornication. For Christians, pre-marital sex, or the F-word (fornication), drives a wedge between you and God, beclouding your prayer life. The long-distance relationship doesn’t happen from God’s end per se, but you cannot pray with your full chest, because deep down you know you are eating what you are not supposed to be eating! Sin usually brings a level of shame with it (Adam & Eve hid themselves after they sinned against God), often leading you to distance yourself from God.
However, God always sits with open arms, ready to receive any of us when we falter. But we must also realize that our bodies are temples, valued by God, and He wants us to view our bodies as such. I always like to think of it this way; the world is replete with sacrosanct man-made temples around the world. If you visit some of them in parts of Asia, you are not allowed to speak, or even wear shoes whilst you tour the place.
The keyword here is man-made. These temples are built to house their gods. And the Bible tells us from the beginning, God made us with His own hands, and then reveals to us that God through His Holy Spirit dwells in us. In fact, Christ also dwells in us—if you are a believer, and you understand this concept that the living God lives in you, that is, you are the temple of the Most High God, how much more are you supposed to treat God’s temple with enormous care, compared to the man-made temples around the world that are carefully tended to?
“Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.”—1 Corinthians 3:16 (NKJV.)
Bottom line is, there is nothing good that emerges from premarital sex or fornicating. It changes your relationships, changes you, and changes the way you view your relationship with God. But if you’ve been there (like me), or are still there, God is always willing and able to forgive us our sins.
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