Why You Should Not Confuse Secrecy With Privacy in Relationships

Updated: Jan 7

Written by Evi Idoghor, Creator of Letstalknationblog.com

Secrecy versus privacy, what on God's green earth is that about? When it comes to this thing called dating, relationships, love, marriage, and everything in between, many of us have had experiences that will leave our curious audiences with an ear full. Some of you might have experienced relationships where your partner did not want anyone else to know that you were linked to them romantically.

At first you taught it was cute that he did not want his entire business out on social media streets, however, as the relationship progressed, no friend or family on their side knew that you were together.


Such signs left you depleted, wondering if the person you were with ever truly valued you. It depicted that you were in a secret relationship, and not a private one when they shielded your relationship from those that are of utmost importance to them. If you are secretly dating someone, or if someone wants to date you and not let people know, chances are you are in dangerous territory. The other party might have something or someone to hide. Most times that is how people get stuck in toxic relationships.

What a private relationship looks like

Secrecy and privacy are two distinct things. It is critical that you don't confuse one with the other because it can prove detrimental to your relationship. A private relationship will look different to many couples, however, there is a rule of thumb you can use to decipher if you are in a private relationship or a secret one. In a private relationship, you and your partner are known by close friends and relatives on both sides. Although your love story isn't plastered all over the internet, those who are in your close circle, know that you are romantically involved. And quite frankly, that is all that matters.

This then provides both of you room to learn more about each other in various settings. Your relationship (at least in this stage) is not just about you two; it is about learning both families, cultures, lifestyles and seeing if you will mesh well with each other. You want to see how this person interacts with people, other than yourself. You want others to tell you about your potential partner, because sometimes you might be blinded from certain things that others can pick up.

Yes, you may discover a lot of things by just speaking with them, however, you will find out a lot more when you come in contact with people in their close circle. I once read a book where the author shared her tumultuous relationship with her now ex-husband. She revealed that his mother advised her not to marry him because the man was not ready to commit at the time.

Do you see why it is important to involve trusted people in your relationship? They just might have your back.


The advantage of involving trusted people is that they help you pick up on things that you might not notice, just because you are in love. They can even help you reiterate the fact that you made the right choice. They will support both of you and pray for you guys, as long as they believe you are meant for each other. Please, the keyword here is trusted; because not everyone wants to see you succeed. You need wisdom for you to be able to thrive in your relationship, so surrounding yourself with the right people will help you make wise decisions.

What privacy in relationships isn't

If your partner prohibits you from maintaining relationships with others, save for him, if he doesn't introduce you to anyone in his circle, including his family, if he stops you from communicating with your family, then that relationship is not just a secret one, but an abusive relationship, waiting to unfold. He is in the beginning process of grooming you, so he can successfully isolate you from others and then commit all sorts of atrocities. Please flee from such a person, no matter how much they tell you they love you; it isn't worth it.

Related Article: 6 Signs That You Are in a Healthy Relationship

In conclusion for Christians especially, you need the guidance of the Holy Spirit because it is only God who truly knows what goes on in the heart of an individual, and He also knows the end from the beginning. So, if you are hiding the relationship from everyone else, do not hide it from God. A good indicator, if you are unsure of your relationship, will be your peace of mind. If you experience enormous unrest in your heart whenever you are with said person, or even just the thought of them sets something off in your spirit, then that individual isn't from God.

Privacy doesn't mean that no one else would know that you both are involved, it means that people who you've been doing life with and you trust their judgment to an extent, would understand that this is your person. And if you have good people around you, they can help steer you in the right direction. The next time you get involved with someone, don’t be afraid to ask about their friends and family. Learn as much as you can about them, and don't let anyone keep you like a dirty little secret, because if they do, you might just be that to them.

Contribute to the conversation. Have you been in a situation where it was just two of you, with no one knowing about your relationship? Do you think there is a difference between secrecy and privacy when it comes to relationships? Leave your thoughts below. Remember to like, share, and subscribe never to miss an update.

Don’t stop here; click this link to explore more on our Relationships page.

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