Updated: Aug 7, 2019
Why we shouldn’t confuse the two when it comes to dating.
Relationships are something we love talking about here on Let's Talk Nation and today's topic is an exciting one; Secrecy vs. Privacy. Some of us might have experienced relationships when our significant order, did not want anyone else to know that we were both seeing each other. At first you taught it was cute, that he/she wanted privacy, but as the relationship progressed, no friend or family on their side, knew that you were together.
That was a secret relationship, not a private one. If you are secretly dating someone, or if someone wants to date you and not let people know, chances are you are in dangerous territory. The other party might have something or someone to hide. Most times that is how people get stuck in abusive situations.
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If you want to keep your relationship private, that is different. Being private doesn’t mean you shut everyone else out. A few of your trusted friends and family should know who you are in a relationship with. Both parties involved in a relationship should know each other’s friends and families. You want to see how this person interacts with people, other than yourself. You want others to tell you about your potential partner, because sometimes you might be blinded from certain things, which others can spot.
Yes, you may discover a lot of things by just speaking with them, but you will find out a lot more when you come in contact with their friends and family. I read a book where the author was talking about her tumultuous relationship with her now ex-husband. She revealed that his mom, advised her not to marry him. Because the man was not ready to commit. You see why it is important to involve trusted people? They might just have your back.
Some might think this to be extreme, but it will make more sense if both of you define what exactly it is you are looking for or expecting from each other in the beginning before you go ahead and commit. Someone who is into you, would not want to keep you a secret but will want to show you off to their close circle and the world eventually. For example Nigerian celebrities Banky W & his wife Adesua, dated and got engaged for a while before it was revealed to the public. That was a private relationship and not a secret one. Their trusted friends & family knew, but the general public wasn’t privy to that information.
The importance of involving trusted people is that they help you pick up on things that you might not notice, just because you are in love. They can even help you reiterate the fact that you made the right choice. They will support both of you and pray for you guys, as long as they believe you are meant for each other. Please, the keyword here is trusted; because not everyone wants to see you succeed. You need wisdom for you to be able to thrive in your relationship, so surrounding yourself with the right people will help you make wise decisions.
I have also heard of situations where a guy was involved with a girl, and she didn't know he was planning to get married to another. That relationship was a secret one; or maybe the guy just had a bad influence around him, that no one could pull the girl aside to let her know that she was being played. Or maybe he just kept her as a secret from everyone else, who knows? This kind of stories happen both ways.
For Christians especially, you need the guidance of the Holy Spirit, because it is only God who truly knows the heart of man, and knows the end from the beginning. So if you are hiding the relationship from everyone else, do not hide it from God. A good indicator, if you are not sure if it is God or not driving you, will be your peace of mind. If the person is from God, you will have peace. Privacy doesn't mean that no one else would know that you both are in involved, it means that people who you've been doing life with and you trust their judgment to an extent, would understand that this is your person.
And if you have good people around you, they can help steer you in the right direction. Even if you find out something off about your partner, now you can go ahead and make an informed decision. So the next time you get involved with someone, don’t be afraid to ask about their friends and family. Learn as much as you can about them, and don't let anyone keep you like a dirty little secret, because if they do, you might be that to them.
Contribute to the conversation. Have you been in a situation where it was just two of you, with no one knowing about your relationship? Do you think there is a difference between secrecy and privacy when it comes to relationships? Leave your thoughts below. Remember to like, share, and subscribe never to miss an update.
Don’t stop here; click this link to explore more on our Relationships page.
About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.