Gosh! I had an amazing time last weekend, celebrating my birthday with family and friends. We all gathered at my house for an evening of soft music, games, drinks, and lots of food! Shout out to my cousin Larry, who hosted the games and came correct with all his suggestions, while keeping everyone engaged and laughing their hearts away. Anyway as the night winded down, at about midnight, there were seven people who remained and ended up spending the night, well more like the morning at my house.
Image courtesy of Pexels
What was more interesting was the conversation we had; we were talking about relationships, and giving one of my cousin’s grief about how she was possibly leading a guy on for two years! Then I interjected and asked this question—how does a girl tell a guy that she likes him? I asked, just to spark conversations, as per the owner of Let’s TALK Nation (haha), I am always looking for ways to engage people.
So the suggestions started coming in—“slide into his dm” “send him a message on Whatsapp, if you have his number,” “ask him if he is free one weekend, and suggest something for you both to do.” “Pray, so God can reveal it to him.” “Just position yourself” “shoot your shot!”
But how does one shoot their shot? Should people even shoot their shot? What does shooting your shot even look like? Is the concept of shooting your shot, effective for relationships?
We had a lengthy conversation that lasted into the wee hours of the morning; I remember heading up to my room at about 3 am, finally calling it a night after what seemed like a long but yet interesting day, then something funny happened the following Monday. A friend of mine, who wasn’t present at our gathering, asked this same question on her platform and we had loads of fun with the banter that erupted from it.
I was of the opinion that if I liked a guy, I was going to take it to the grave with me. She responded with—“marriage doesn’t happen in the grave.” Regardless of all the suggestions, advice, and ideas they gave, I came to my conclusion that shooting your shot wasn’t for me, not only because I am super shy! Gosh, thanks, dad! But for other reasons like these below:
Fear of Rejection
I used to be an expert in shooting shots or making gestures to guys to let them understand that I liked them, and wanted something more out of the platonic relationships that we had, but that never led anywhere, and each time I ended up heartbroken. Some of them, I went ahead to become great friends with, and others just faded into the background.
Now old age has set in, I’m no longer bold (kidding!) but on a more serious note, I have gotten to a point in my life, where the state of my heart is far more important than if I am in a relationship or not. Even if somehow, maybe the guy catches my drift, and we start talking, I always have that fear of—what if he starts misbehaving? What if he stops communicating?
What if he is interested in someone else? (Due to past hurts), so in other for me, not to get wrapped up in all of that, I am more comfortable being closed off. It’s a defense mechanism; I have fortified walls around my heart. I’d rather not tell a guy I like him, and just leave it all in my head. If for some reason, he finds me interesting as well, then we can continue from there. But I ain’t kick-starting anything! Sorry, Guys!
What if He has a Girlfriend?
There was a guy I once liked, and the crush I had on him was crazy! His family even knew that I liked him well! And suggested all sorts of crazy things to do, to get his attention. (Only God knows if they were laughing at me behind my back). This guy had a whole girlfriend in Nigeria oh! But I did not care; I was secretly hoping, wishing, and praying that he broke up with her (please don’t judge me; this was in my past life).
I always found ways for us to hang-out, go to the movies, sit next to each other, or speak on a one on one basis, whenever the opportunity presented itself. Funny enough, we became very good friends in the process, but I guess he loved his girlfriend that much! It hurt in those moments that we didn’t end up together, but in retrospect, I am glad that we didn’t for many reasons.
The guy knew I liked him, because of some amebo people, but in all of that, he didn’t act weird or make me feel less than. In fact, a couple of years after I had gotten over him, he tried to shoot his shot, and I was like nah bro! Your time has passed! But yea the possibility of a guy I want to get involved with, having a girlfriend is another reason I wouldn’t reveal my feelings to him, because again, it will hurt my feelings! This heart is fragile oh! But isn’t it better for you to find out, and then move on quickly? Hmmm…
What if he ain’t all that and a bag of chips?
This is another point worth considering; imagine feeling a guy or girl from a mile away, everything they do is perfect! You have this image in your head that they will possibly be the best thing that happened to you since sliced bread, and when you get close to them, you get disappointed! Please let me just admire you from afar, until I move on to better things (haha).
The God Factor
This point is the biggest for me. While enjoying the shooting shot conversation with my family and the banter which continued on Instagram, on Tuesday morning (the next day), I was led to read my bible before I left the house for work. I mean, I typically do, but the feeling was so deep in my spirit, that I knew I had to do it.
So I opened up the Bible app on my phone and the word of the day was—“unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Psalm 127:1) That statement hit me like a ton of bricks, I’m like hold up, was God referring to our conversations this past weekend?
That passage also freed me from the mindset that this relationship thing has anything to do with us, to begin with. It was as if God wanted in on the conversation as well, and He was saying, for the believer, here are my thoughts. Let’s take a second to appreciate God mehn! He has an opinion on everything and doesn’t want to be left out from conversations that might even seem frivolous to us.
According to that Bible verse, as it pertains to this conversation, we can deduce from it that, if God did not lead you to shoot your shot, at a particular person, it is not going to work. All your efforts would prove futile, and you will be stressing yourself out in vain. The way God works some of the times is that He orders our footsteps to the place where He wants us to be and causes things to unfold naturally; it has nothing to do with us as individuals, but everything to do with the plans and the purpose He has for our lives.
Think about the past relationships that you tried to make work, which failed, and all the hurt you have dealt with. You might even be in a relationship or situationship right now that you are trying so hard to hold together, but it ain’t working out. That might be a sign that the particular situation isn’t for you, I’ve been there.
“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:14)
This passage of scripture shows that such things should come from God.
So, I am a big proponent of following the blueprint God has for your life. Is He telling you to shoot your shot? Then you better do it! Is He telling you to position yourself and watch your love story unfold? Then my sisters, my brothers; sit back and relax, while you enjoy the ride. When we allow God to do what He wants to do in our lives, that is when we don’t have to even deal with the fears I mentioned above, because God has specially handcrafted that person to fit into the grand scheme of things for your life.
Do you want longevity? Do you want something that will last and create a legacy, long after you both have left the planet? Do you want peace of mind? Then let God write your love story, He is the biggest romantic that there is out there (forget Hollywood writers), after all, He is love!
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.