Updated: Jul 11, 2019
Ever heard the saying—there are no good men available or there just a few good men? I think this is a myth society is trying for us to buy into, so we don’t demand good behavior from men. Bad news spreads faster and makes for an even better story. If you decide to write about how you found this great man, and how God has blessed you with His best, that story can have a boring narrative, depending on your level of creativity. And a lot of people may not read it.
But when stories of betrayal and heartaches hit the stands, movie theaters, and gossip blogs, everyone is quick to explore that story. So stories of men sleeping around, having multiple baby mamas, and just treating women with disrespect, occupies the space of media, and our lips. But that doesn’t mean, all men are that way.
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Who is a good man? You might ask. A good man is someone who is responsible, reliable, respectful, compassionate and kind. These are not all the characteristics of a good man, but if a man has these qualities, then he is well on his way. Most of the men who grew up with my generation were never taught by their parents how to behave in society, especially when it came to the opposite sex—women. Most parents, especially mothers, focused on the girl child. They told us, girls, not to come in contact with boys, if not we would get pregnant.
They taught us how to act in public; they taught us how to sit, how to carry ourselves, how to cook and how to be a good homemaker.
A lot of emphases were not placed on the boys. I doubt if any mother or father told their son; don’t go close to a girl, or you will get her pregnant. Or this is how you should treat a woman; with dignity and respect. Not that they taught them to be disrespectful, but it was not a priority. Because of that gap, we all suffer for it in society. Men, grown men, now exhibit reckless behavior.
They don’t show respect for their female peers, some of them objectify women, while some feel like they are doing you a favor if they show some interest in you. But in the midst of all of these are good men. The ones society doesn’t praise, the ones called sissys (trying to keep it clean), if they show any emotion, or have a different view on how to treat a woman. The ones who are ridiculed in the locker room, if they haven’t had sex with women yet. Barack Obama while giving a talk one day, about masculinity, said; “If you are very confident about your sexuality, you don’t need eight women around you, twerking.” I screamed at my iPad: Preach Barack!
It’s like in a bid to prove something to society, some men brag about how many women they’ve been with. And society praises them for it. No one demands morality from men; if a man cheats, then it’s okay because all men cheat. No one demands respect from men; because as a woman, you are viewed lesser than, compared to your male counterpart. No one demands transparency and commitment from men; because they are doing you a favor by coming to save you from your singleness, which is viewed as a curse if you are now approaching a certain age. Society has caused us to believe that when we demand certain behaviors from men, like respect, honesty, commitment, and transparency, then we are asking for too much; our standards become too high and unrealistic.
In conversations with people, they often say that it is difficult for you to find a man who will be committed to just you. Or it is difficult for you to find a man, who upholds certain standards. I will say those people are limited in their way of thinking, because of their environment— the society around them. The truth is if we listen to them, settle and accept unacceptable behavior; then we will join those who say—There are no good men if at all there are any, then they are just a few.
But that is not the case. As a woman, when you find the man, who treats you with honor and respect, who values you, and wants to see you do your best in life, applaud such men. Don’t let them go, celebrate them. Then encourage others, that there are good people, waiting to be discovered.
To the good men; don’t give in to societal pressure. You don’t have to be a bad guy, to earn your place in society. You don’t have to sleep with women, to prove your sexuality. We know you are a man, we can see it. If you are the type who has not had sex with any woman, don’t be ashamed for it. There are women, who are waiting for men like you. If you are responsible, reliable, respectful, compassionate and kind, then you will begin to attract the right kind of people to your life. I believe that there are a lot of good men out there, but it's hard to find them, amidst the noise.
To the women; Don’t settle. If you believe within yourself, that God has the best man out there for you, then wait on it. It is because of our impatience that we end up with the wrong men, and then we come up with the phrase—there are no good men. But if we are willing not to compromise our belief system, and wait for the one, who will treat us right, next time when someone says; there are no good men, we will confidently answer, that there are.
So over to you guys, what do you think? Join in on the conversation by leaving your thoughts in the comments section below. Also remember to like, share and subscribe never to miss an update on Let’s Talk Nation.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.