Written by Evi Idoghor
Does your dating life suck right now? Do you feel like you keep going around in circles? Have you dated the same person over and over again, even if he looks different each time he makes an introduction? Then maybe it's time for you to kick certain dating practices to the curb and try something new!
With February 14th not so far-flung from us, you might be tempted to return to a situation that isn't good for you. So, before you go ahead and fall prey to someone who is just in dire need of a weekend fling, read this.
Experience, they say, is the best teacher. Like a child who immediately retracts their hands after they have touched something hot knows never to go back to where they’ve been hurt, such behavior is what is expected of us after we’ve been in the trenches with certain personality types.
Some adults, however, take a different approach when it comes to dating relationships and all the heartaches it presents.
How many times have we as women, gone back to the men that we inherently knew were horrible for us and to us—still, there was something that happened in our minds which did not allow us to accept things for the way they were. It is no wonder that famed professional leadership/life coach—John Maxwell, states that experience on its own isn’t enough to do the job as “best teacher” rather, evaluated experience.
If you don’t learn from your past struggles, pains, and heartaches, then you are bound to repeat those same mistakes which landed you in the pit, to begin with. Today’s article covers five dating practices that we need to avoid in 2021 if you want a healthy relationship in the New Year.
What to Avoid in a Relationship
1) Avoid casual sex: I would like to believe that casual sex is a thing of the past; however, people are still having it, even in the midst of a pandemic happening. Nothing good has actually emerged from “hook-up culture.” When a relationship is based on sex, it clouds judgment and makes the parties involved seem like they have nothing else to offer, but their bodies. Soon, the excitement fades, and one or both parties begin to desire more, then resentment steps into the picture.
As Christ-followers, this sort of behavior is worth avoiding—not only does it prove detrimental to our physical well-being, also, to indulge in such an act is to go directly against what God says about fleeing from all manner of sexual sin. Yes, casual sex is a sin, and Christians should avoid it.
2) Avoid diving in head-first: I understand that you just met the man of your dreams and you are out of this world with excitement. But, I would say take your time and get to know this person a little deeper. Many underestimate the value of time and what it can bring to the table. If you slow things down a little bit, you just might discover that this person is not all that they seem to be.
3) Avoid sharing too much too soon: Again, excitement comes into play when you meet Mr. Tall, dark and handsome (or short, light, and okay looking, whatever your preference is) for the first time. If you are anything like me, then you have a well of stories and life experiences that you cannot wait to share with that special person. So, as soon as someone shows up, you spill the beans without first discovering if said person is worth all your personal information.
He doesn’t need to know the number of siblings you have and what they do for a living on your first date! Just take things slow; first learn about who he is, and what he is about before you start dishing out intimate parts of you.
4) Avoid dating someone with who you don’t share the same belief system: if you are a Christian, then you know how important this is. There was a time in the Old Testament when God told the Israelites not to marry people from a certain tribe, for one reason—they were going to lead the Israelites away from following God.
The same is still true today. We all have dated that person who we intricately knew wasn’t right for us, which reminds me of a time I dated a young man who didn’t attend church. Looking back now, I would classify him as an agnostic. My brother simply said this to me one day—I don’t like who you are dating because he is making you no longer attend church.
If you start a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in Christ, who is agnostic, or who simply doesn’t care, oftentimes than not, they rub off on you, then you no longer take the things of God as seriously as you once did. Little compromises start happening along the way, and one day you look back only to realize how far away from God you have traveled.
5) Avoid sleepovers: Yes, I know I am not talking to a bunch of teenagers; however, (Christian) adults should avoid spending the nights over at their partner’s home. Although it might not seem like a big deal if you both begin to share intimate spaces, such as the bedroom, enjoying countless sleepovers, however, it wouldn’t be long before sex starts happening. It might begin with endless make-out sessions, which one day would lead to sex. And once sex happens, there is a great chance that it would happen again and again. So, it is better for you to avoid it altogether, especially when you are looking to please God in all that you do.
These pointers might not be your typical dating practices which you need to be avoiding, however, as Christians; our first responsibility is to please Christ. When we acknowledge Him in all our doings (yes, even our dating lives) then He leads us to where we are supposed to be.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
—Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
This passage of scripture is so profound in the sense that it is saying to us that we should trust God, and then lean not on our understanding. To the regular human mind, perhaps prohibiting casual sex, sleepovers, and dating outside your belief system make absolutely no sense, but God is saying through His Word that we should trust Him because He knows what He is doing.
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