Urban Dictionary. a relationship that has no label on it.
My definition. not a friendship and not quite a relationship. It begs to differ from the widely known friends with benefits, and sometimes, physical intimacy is involved.
I never knew what situationships were until I started dating. The first time I was introduced to a situationship was when I was 19 years old. I was a young, naive girl, getting used to her college independence and enjoying boys, or would I say young men’s company for the first time. I enjoyed the attention and thought I was matured enough to handle the emotional roller coasters that came with this territory. Segun was his name, I met him during orientation for new students, I was a freshman, and he was a masters student. We immediately formed a friendship and hit it off. Segun and I would be on the phone for hours, talking about only God knows what. Did I mention I had a boyfriend? Yes I had one, and he wasn’t so pleased with me and Segun’s ‘friendship.’
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As the friendship progressed, feelings started to grow. I felt bad that I was beginning to like someone else when I was supposed to be in love with my boyfriend. In order for me not to earn the title, cheater, I ended things with my boyfriend of one year so I could explore all that Segun had to offer me. I thought I was going to ride into the sunset with him, and live happily ever after. As soon as we started to get physical, things changed. I got a rude awakening, my mind blatantly said to me—honey this isn’t a relationship, but a situationship — my first lesson.
I was hurt when Segun began to give me the runaround. He wouldn’t pick my calls, he wouldn’t call me back, he was out messing with other girls, and when he got drunk, he remembered my phone number, and as the naive 19-year old I was, I always indulged him. But I got sick and tired of being played and decided to let things go. I had not experienced anything like this before, my boyfriend worshiped the ground I walked upon, but I was looking for excitement, and excitement led to my first disappointment. No, it wasn’t Amaka that disappointed me, it was Segun.
I couldn’t fall hand, by going back to my ex after I brutally broke up with him, a day to his graduation, because I wanted to be with Segun. I don’t even know what attracted me to him in the first place, he was skinny, he drank, and he smoked, Segun, that is. I guess at the time I was attracted to bad boys. Or maybe because he had a car, and an apartment to himself, I don’t know. But the moment we decided to cross that line of sexual intimacy, we could never go back to being friends. I wanted to be his girlfriend by all means, but he wasn’t ready for commitment. But I wish I could say Segun was the only one, and I learned my lesson, but no there are a few more, who am I kidding! Let me be honest. There are many more, but for this series, I will keep it very short. Let me introduce you to the stars of this story:
Fikayo, aka Fine boy, aka smooth talker, aka UK guy!
Peter, aka oyinbo, aka Mr. Selfish, aka Houston guy!
And Jidenna, aka Mr. Broken English, aka New Orleans Guy!
One day a friend of mine, (Tosin) and I were talking about my relationship status and how I had been single for a few years. Since she worked with a lot of guys, she went ahead to ask if she could set me up with one of them, and I was excited. Yes! Do it! But when she showed me his picture, the excitement immediately was zapped from my body. Ahn Ahn Tosin you sef! I said to her, I am disappointed that you don’t know my taste in men. Jidenna is a nice guy, she replied. If he is a nice guy why you no date am? She went: he is my brother oh, to which I answered, what kind of brother? Na the same blood dey flow through una veins?
Related Story: Revisiting Ground Zero (Revised)
Still, I agreed for her to give Jidenna my number, and he went ahead to ask me out on a date. My friend helped me dress up that night, so I could kill Jidenna with my looks when we finally met. I got to the restaurant, and the ambiance was nice. Jidenna tried as much as possible to be prim and proper, but his razzness still oozed out of him.
Although he smelled nice and drove a nice car, I wasn’t interested. I was not attracted to him, and he loved speaking broken English, which turned me off, even if I understood everything he was saying. That night after I got home, he started texting me, and most of his grammar, I couldn’t make out. It became clear to me, that there was no way in this world I would fall for this New Orleans based guy, it was impossible.
The truth of the matter is, I was so in love with another guy, that I thought Jidenna, would be the saving grace, to get me out of that situation, but he wasn’t. The guy I wanted to be with, was with someone else, but that didn’t stop me from daydreaming about him or shooting my shot. When I wasn’t excited about Jidenna, I continued crushing on him. But Jidenna wouldn’t let me be, even if I tried avoiding him at all costs.
One day I had a birthday party for my friend over at my apartment and didn’t mention to Jidenna, what I was up to, that night because I did not want my friends to meet him. Then one of his friends who was invited by Tosin, told him about it, and he decided to tag along. Jidenna came in with his baggy pants, and oversize long sleeve, button down shirt, if that wasn’t bad enough, he had shaved his whole head.
As soon as one of my friends spotted him, she ran into my room, she couldn’t contain her laughter because of the way he presented himself. Then the rest followed suit, with me running after them, saying it wasn’t fair what they were doing, although I joined in on the laughter. After that night I failed to mention to him, that I was off to Nigeria for two months. I didn’t care. I just wanted him off my case.
Continue with part 2 here
Situationships is a 4-part series that will be released weekly on this platform, which covers my relationship journey before I met and fell for Fisayo, who I write about in Revisiting Ground Zero.This is the prelude to the main story in (RGZ), and then there is the Mr. Perfect Series, that carries on after RGZ. Sit back and enjoy!
Have you ever been in a situationship? what did you do to get out of it? share your experiences with us below. And if you want us to share your story, send us an email, on firstname.lastname@example.org. Also remember to like, share and subscribe , never to miss an update.
About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.
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Nigerian words & Phrases Meaning
Amaka dissapoint me: Hit song by Nigerian Artist-2face
Fall Hand: To embarrass
Ahn Ahn: Why
Why you no date am: Why didn't you date him
Na the same blood dey flow through una veins?: Do you both have the same DNA?