Written By Evi Idoghor
I decided to take stock of the types of men I have dated in the past, and boy have I seen enough to last me a lifetime. The way life works is something worth paying attention to. Oftentimes we find ourselves neck-deep in horrible relationships and we begin to ponder how we ended up there, to begin with. Some people say—he just changed all of a sudden! Or he wasn’t like this when we first met.
While that can carry some truth with it, yet, if you paid close attention to the signs life dealt you, then you wouldn’t be in the mess that you find yourself in today. In this article, I am going to list five types of men, women should avoid in relationships and the reasons why.
1) The one whose stories don’t add up, aka, Mr. Liar: most times when men meet women, they like to fill up women’s ears with what they think they like to hear. They often project a persona, which has nothing to do with their true character. But if women pay close attention to what the men are saying, then they can successfully separate the chaff from the wheat.
I am reminded of the time when I began dating a guy, although our relationship was undefined, we knew that we liked each other, until his stories no longer added up. He once mentioned to me that he was in a relationship with a Nigerian girl who was a Muslim, while he was still in Nigeria.
He almost married her; he said, if not that her family insisted that she married someone who was also Muslim. As such, the relationship ended. Fast forward to a couple of months down the road, while we were in a different conversation, I asked him if he had ever been in a relationship with an oyinbo (a white woman), since he was now living abroad—to which he responded, yes! She was a Muslim, and it was the first time I dated a Muslim. I did not even know I could date someone outside my religion.
In my mind, I thought— didn’t this guy tell me that he almost married a Muslim in Nigeria before he moved abroad? And here he was telling me about his inter-religious relationship with a Caucasian woman, which ended not so long before our conversation took place. Guess what? That wasn’t the only time his stories has plot holes.
Hence, his behavior showed me he wasn’t someone who could be trusted. If you listen to what the other person is saying, putting aside all the sweet nothings that they whisper to your ears, you will quickly discover if an individual is authentic or is just putting up a front.
2) The one who appears, disappears, and reappears, aka, Mr. Ghost: who else has experienced the phenomenon that is ghosting? I can write a thesis on this topic. So, man meets woman, man acts like he is interested in woman, man exchanges contact with woman, and man begins pursuing woman. After a few days, poof! Man disappears into thin air. As such, a million and one thoughts begin traveling through woman’s mind—did I say something wrong? She asks herself, am I supposed to reach out? She continues questioning, maybe he is busy, she concludes.
However, if you are the bold type unlike me, you might decide to reach out to man, only to discover man has no reasonable explanation as to why he dropped the ball. Then you begin initiating conversations with man, but man leaves some messages unattended. And so the relationship fades to the background. Then you call all your friends telling them what a waste of time man is (that’s me).
After a few weeks pass, perhaps some months even, man reemerges! It’s a miracle! You think. Then he starts saying things like—hey, how are you doing? How come I haven’t heard from you in a while? All in an attempt to spin the table, to get things rolling again, without taking responsibility for his actions. Ladies, do not give such men any time of the day. They just came back to check your availability. And if you take the bait, they leave you little bread crumbs for you to latch onto until they return next time.
Dealing with such unstable people is unhealthy; it isn’t good for your heart. And guess what? They are never going to commit to you. This is why the Bible commands us to guard our heart above all else because out of it flows the issues of life. Thus, you don’t want anyone messing with your heart.
3) The one who doesn’t take God seriously, aka, Mr. Lukewarm: such people will cause you to compromise on your belief system and values, say you have them. These types of men attend church but yet, there is no real transformation happening in their lives. They are the ones who uphold one aspect of the bible—love your neighbors, help the poor, be kind to others. But when it comes to the physical, like sex and its derivatives, then Wahala dey oh! (There is trouble).
Oftentimes than not, they are unwilling to sacrifice that aspect of their lives. As such, they rope you into a life of sin. You, on the other hand, might feel guilty about it, but with time, your conscience becomes dead to the convictions of God’s Holy Spirit. When it comes to relationships, it is better if you both are on the same page on a whole lot of things, including the things of God. That way, it will be easier to remain obedient to God, throughout the dating/courtship phase of your relationship, which brings honor and glory to God.
4) The one who compliments your physical body in a sexually explicit way, aka, Mr. sexually immoral: this screams sex! Flee from such men and their conversations; you can already see that sex is going to be a factor in your relationship. Back to the guy I was talking to whose stories never added up, he would compliment me sexually, and utter things that he would like to do to me when we hang out.
Thank God we weren’t in the same country—the physical boundary helped me not to fall for his antics. Now, I know better and wouldn’t entertain such conversations. If a man is coming at you this way, let him first go and renew his mind, before he decides if he wants to pursue you.
5) The one who doesn’t believe in God, aka, Mr. Atheist: Again, flee from such men especially if you are a Christ-follower. This same guy (I hope he doesn’t read this post) was also an atheist (I found out later) even if he lied to me in the beginning that he was a Christian; he would later say that he, in fact, hated the Creator.
Such men, even if they appear to be smart and possess all the things they use to charm women, they tend to pull the believer away from God. Because of the level of intimacy that comes with romantic relationships, they often make you question your relationship with God. As such, it is better for you to remain single than enter into a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe your Heavenly Father in fact exists; such beliefs will pose a lot of stress for the longevity of your relationship.
These are some types of men that I have experienced over the years, who came along with a lot of heartaches. So, if you don’t want to cry many tears as I once did in the past, then ensure that you shine your eyes (as we say in Nigeria), and open your ears, giving undivided attention to what a potential partner is saying and (or) doing. The dating phase of a relationship should be spent discovering who a person truly is; which will help in your decision making process.
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