Written by Evi Idoghor
I know, I know, it's still the season of love, and I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer by discussing breakups, but the reality is that some individuals have been served hot breakfast, even in February, and I'm here to offer insight on how to deal with the grief that comes with the loss of a relationship.
You know, when we're lost in the wonderful feeling of being in love with someone, we don't always consider the prospect of things ending quickly. When this happens, it hits us like a ton of bricks, and we tend to remain under the rubble, refusing to pull ourselves up and go on with our grim reality. Others try to alleviate their anguish by rushing into another relationship. Have you ever heard the expression “to get over a man is to get under a new one?”
Most of us have experienced heartbreak or disappointment from a relationship as adults. As a result of what others have done to them, some people become cold, while others become locked up and swear, they will never love again. So, how can we move on and even wish the people who wronged us well? Today I'm going to share how to get over a lost love, and no, it doesn't involve getting under a new one.
The first point to remember is that this other person isn't the be-all and end-all of your love life. There are many more people who are more attractive, intriguing, and loving than the one you left behind. Second, if you are type of person that will keep checking in to see what they are up to, erase their phone number and all forms of communication you have with them. You won't be able to move forward if you keep going back. Even if you left the relationship for a poor reason, there is no incentive to return to check if things have changed or improved.
My third point is to be patient. We frequently underestimate the value of time - give yourself time to heal, time to ponder, and time before entering another relationship. There is always something we can learn from our previous relationships; make sure you take the time to learn those lessons so you can handle the next relationship effectively.
“The solution for a heartbreak is not to jump into another relationship.”
Fourth, there is a time to mourn and talk about them as much as you want to your family and friends, and there is also a time to cease talking about them. To move forward from the issue, you must have a clear mind. If you repeatedly talk about them and what went wrong, you won't give yourself the space you need to move on. As such, your thoughts are still preoccupied with what they did and did not do, as well as what you should have done. What does it matter? They are no longer in your life.
After a breakup I experienced, my thoughts were inundated with thoughts like - What if I had done this? What if I hadn't said anything at the time? What if I didn't turn off my phone, allowing him to contact me when he called? Maybe things might have turned out differently! Should I have returned his call soon after receiving his message?
Then I had to snap out of it, assuring myself that I had done everything I knew how to do in those moments and that what was meant to be, would be.
The final point I'd want to discuss with you is prayer - did you think I was going to leave God out of this? If you are a Christian, you understand how essential prayer is to your life and how it should be used while you are going through a difficult period. Thank God for whatever has occurred and pray that He will assist you in getting through it. I recall how I clung to God when I was getting out of a bad relationship. I struggled with the idea of returning to my ex several times, and each attempt made things worse. So, I concluded that God didn't want me to stay with this person any longer. (Of course, He didn't; it was a toxic relationship.)
I was left with no other choice except to move on from the relationship. I did so by clinging to every word of God, through reading my Bible and prayer, to develop the fortitude to forgive the persons involved and focus on other things. During that time, I felt closer to God than I had ever felt before. And now I look back and ask myself—what was it about that person that you wanted to kill yourself over? Or like we Nigerians like to say—that you wanted to die on top his matter?
Passages like Psalm 25:16-18 (ESV), can help you get over the pain of heartache – “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.”
In those moments when you are sad and distraught, the person who yanked the rug from under you may appear to be the only person in the world for you. And you might think it doesn't get any better than that, but you'd be wrong. Focus on pushing forward, no matter how difficult it may appear. Refocus your attention on the things you enjoy doing, hold to the faith that you have in Jesus - He cares about your broken heart too (the Lord is near to the brokenhearted - Psalm 34:18) and with time, you will emerge stronger.
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