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How To Have The Dreaded Conversation About "What Are We Doing?"

Updated: Dec 15, 2020

The dreadful question that every female hates to ask in a friendship, that’s not quite a friendship, but not a relationship either. Aha! We have the word for it, situationship! If you are in a grey area with a guy or girl that you like, and you have to ask this question, chances are the person on the receiving end of the question, isn’t giving you what you desire within the relationship.

I think for guys it’s easier (guys help me out here) because it will let the girl know that you are not just there to mess around. If a guy has to ask a girl this question, then probably, he might have let the girl in on his intentions towards her, and she is stalling a little bit. Which is fine, I am a traditional girl, and I believe the man should chase the woman.

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But if a lady has to ask this question, then wahala dey oh. Okay, let’s play out this scenario: Guy meets girl, guy is showing some signals or feeling girl, girl takes those signals and runs with it, without waiting for guy to spell out why he is there. Guy sees girl receives the little signal he gave, because he probably doesn’t want much from girl anyway, and then relaxes.

Guy then calls girl only when he wants to engage her; this might range from three times a week (on a good week) to once a week, or maybe he might even opt for texts here and there, depending on if girl is comfortable with the 25% he is giving her. And if he is a badass, he puts her on a schedule and only calls her on specific days. If girl is smart, she will quickly catch on to this.

I remember watching The Steve Harvey Show one day, where a lady was wondering if a guy was into her or not. She told Steve; but he calls me three times a week, Steve was of the opinion that the guy was playing her, but she kept on insisting that he called her three times a week. Steve answered her saying, "three out of seven isn't good enough, that is four days left out of a week he could be using to foster another relationship."

The thing is when guy calls girl on those days; he makes her feel like she is on top of the world. He tells her how much he misses her, and they have great conversations. He might even ask her to hang out over at his place, (because such guys don’t wine and dine ladies) and girl gets all excited. Any opportunity to see her man right? But the problem is, guy isn’t girl's man yet.

Guy gives girl mixed signals, causing girl to be confused and excited all at the same time. Girl wonders—but he calls me on certain days, and when he does, he makes me feel like I’m the best thing that happened to him since sliced bread. But on the days he doesn’t call or text, he never responds to me if I reach out. Then girl starts with the excuse—maybe he is busy, maybe he is stressed out at work, maybe he is having some issues, he can’t open up to me about, just yet.

Girl’s friends start asking girl, what exactly is going on between her and guy. Are you guys dating? Are you official? And Girl then gathers the courage to ask Guy the dreaded question—what are we doing?

So different types of players would respond to this question differently, but whatever answer they give you will be devoid of commitment. Some might say—you are my girlfriend now, what else do you think? Others might say—we are still getting to know each other. Meanwhile, they have seen your underwear.

You might also hear—I really enjoy your company, but I am not just ready for a committed relationship, whoever ends up with you will be a lucky guy! And on the days you spend with them, you are washing, cooking, cleaning and even having sex with them. They feed you with all sorts they think you might want to hear. All of which is culminated into this one statement—I am just not that into you!

If a man is really into you, he wouldn’t wait for you to ask him that question, he will communicate his intentions clearly to you. Men are smart people, don’t be deceived when they say men are clueless, that’s a lie. They communicate effectively with their bosses and co-workers; they are clear with what they want to achieve in life. They have their goals and vision set in place; they know the kind of woman they want to marry, and how many kids they want to raise.

Then when it comes to relationships, all of a sudden they are clueless? That’s a lie. That is why when a man sees a girl he really wants to spend the rest of his life with, he lets her know from the beginning and they probably end up getting engaged within months. And you will be left thinking, what did I do wrong?

Ladies, you don’t know how much power you possess. A man will only treat you the way you let him. Some men test women, to see what they can get away with, and then act accordingly. If you know you want a man who will call and text you multiple times a day, seven days a week, let the man you are with know that the subpar work he is putting in, ain’t working.

If he continues with the once or twice a week schedule, the next time he calls, don’t answer it. He will get the message. People go after what they want because they don’t want another person to fill that spot. Same with a job opportunity, they give it their all, just to make sure the employer knows they are worth the position. How much more you? This is 2019 oh! You shouldn’t be wondering if a guy wants you or nah, if he isn’t clear with his intentions, make the work even easier for him; walk away. The right one will sweep you off your feet.

What do you think about this article? Let’s talk about it! leave your thoughts in the comments box below, and remember to like, share, and subscribe, never to miss an update.

Don’t stop here; click this link to explore our relationships segment.

About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer and content creator on She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.

Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.

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